feeling sad today

[*CLAIREBEAR*]

i think my weepy hormones are really setting in lately as i have been feeling really sad the last few days,especially today,it would have been my sisters 34th birthday today,she took her own life in march this year and the emotions seem to have all come back to me again.
me,my mum and stepdad took her some flowers today,i usually always feel better after i have been to the crematorium but i just feel really empty, sad and weepy today.
i also got my car broken into on 22nd dec and had my 4d scan photos pinched,no response to my ad in the paper so looks like i will not get them back,hopefully i will be able to get copys in the new year when the place i had them done at opens again.

i wish i could make myself feel more positive,i hate feeling so down and weepy............

 

[Petra]

aww sweetie, have lots of these

 

[lisaspoon]

awww hun for you xxxx

 

[Julie84]

I think you have every right to feel a bit sad at the moment.

 

[*CLAIREBEAR*]

thanks ladies x x x

i hope you dont mind me posting a poem i wrote for her x x x x

for julie x

this awful pain..........


This awful pain i feel inside,it cuts through very deep,
It makes me feel so breathless,so numb,and i want to weep,
This awful pain i feel inside,is with me everyday,
Regrets of things i should have done and things i wanted to say,
This awful pain i feel inside,is because you wanted to go,
You'd had enough of this world,as you had suffered so,
This awful pain i feel inside,is hoping your'e at peace,
Its wanting to know your'e feeling better now and that your minds at ease,
This awful pain i feel inside,is because i miss you Julie,
Since you've gone i feel so empty,but i'll aways love you truly,
This awful pain i feel inside,it can make me want to hide,
This awful pain i feel inside,is my loss through suicide.

love and miss you always julie,love claire x
happy first birthday in heaven x

 

[babyblonde]

Aw hun - what a terrible thing for you to have to go through.

Your poem is lovely - I'm sure your sister appreciates it wherever she is.

You are bound to feel sad hun - and that's without the hormones flying around. Just give yourself some time and know that it is ok to be sad

 

[Rosebay]

Huge hugs hun

That kind of loss will take a lot of time to even start to live with hun and it's so close as well, I'm not surprised you're feeling weepy, pregnancy or no pregnancy.

I can't begin to imagine how painful it must be to lose a sibling and how much more so in some ways to lose them through suicide. A close friend of my OH's took his life 3 years ago this January and every year on his birthday his parents and sister have a birthday lunch for him in this particular restaurant and they invite all his friends. We've been every year and they like us to bring Elliott too but they're still very painful to go to as there are still so many questions that we all have and so many different feelings about what happened. His sister does seem to have managed to start being positive about life again, she's gone back to Uni and moved to a new City to start things anew I think but it took her a long long time to want to do anything other than be with their mum and grieve.

I guess what I want to say is let yourself grieve, it's just natural and totally healthy to be feeling that way. Being pregnant and becoming a parent will also all get mixed up in all your feelings because funnily enough birth is somehow close to death in that it's about the beginning of what will eventually be an end, it's about exits and entrances. I'm not being gloomy about that it's just something that I really felt when I had Elliott, it's like you see life and your parents having you and death and your own place in the world so totally differently because it's like you've taken part in it or something. I don't know, I can't really explain what I mean but I know that when our friend died Elliott was only 6 weeks old and our response was so different to what it would have been before and it really made me kind of feel stronger about creating life and life being precious than I had done before.

Huge hugs to you

+++

 

[*CLAIREBEAR*]

thanks everyone!
im feeling abit more positive today (despite having the flu and feeling so feverish)
rosebay sorry for your loss also.it is a horrid way to lose someone.

 

[EllieBelle]

Oh hun Im so sorry to read how awful you are feeling and must be a really tough time!

Just wanted to give you lots of these