Feeling resentment but dont want to

[emmie]

Its towards my mother in law

My mum lives over 100 miles away from me and wont be able to come up alot as she works long hours and money is tight for all of us at the moment so thats playing on my mind.

But hubbys parents only live 12 miles away and his mum is a bit full on and trys to tak over.

Bubs isnt even here yet but i can feel her closing in on me already, I just cant help but think shes going to try and come round every single day, tell me to do this and dont do that etc etc

My resentment is getting so bad that everytime i think about it i get angry and i am starting to hate her.

I know i am being totally unreasonable but i cant help it.

 

[pie&twink]

Ohh Emmie..how horrible, the last thing you want is to feel like this until baba arrives .

Have you spoke to your hubby about it? Maybe you could all sit down next time she comes round & discuss it. (or is she not that type? I know my OH's mom isn't )

Why do MIL's think they know EVERYTHING!! When they clearly don't.

 

[halemon]

I know exactly what you mean, lucky for me, my mum is the closer one, not sure what the heck i wouod do if MIL was nearer, she usually drives me mad anyway but with baby on the way its going to be a killer!! She loves giving advice, gives me looks if i go against anything she suggests - i bought new car seat, she had already got us a grubby second hand one for about 6 pounds or something - it was too old and i dont like it!! She didnt understand when i also insisted on getting a new cot and mattress and last tiem i saw her she gave me a milton sterilising unit - from the 70's that she had still in her cupboard - um thanks!!!!

She is also a smoky joe and i wont have her smoky atmosphere near my little one - oooh feeling protective already gnash gnash!!!!

We need a MIl support group to help lower stress and cope with these horrors!!! he he he he

 

[keelie_b]

Hi Emmie,

Could you mention it to OH that you want a little more space, would he understand?
He could maybe have a casual word with her without making it into a big deal.

I dont know how to advise i wish i could help
It might be the case that she comes round a lot at first but it might die down a bit and things will get back to normal.

 

[Charmed]

Awww Emmie.

I'm really lucky with my MIL as she lives 2 mins down the road and I'm not in touch with my own Mum. My MIL is great, she never interferes but is always there if we need her.

The only thing I can suggest is to sit down and have a proper talk with your OH and let him know exactly how you feel but don't make it sound like your trying to push her out just that you want her to back off a bit. Maybe when baby is born say that you want a bit of time to get used to him with just you and your OH as a family on your own. I hope it all works out.

 

[emmie]

i dont want her round though lol, other half is soft and he doesnt want to offend his mum which i understand as if it was reversed i wouldnt know what to say to mine. I think its because i feel bad for my mum i want her to see her grandson as much as she can and not MIL all the time.

I think if push comes to shove i think he will have to say something to his mum and i think he will i suppose will just have to see what happens. Not nice feeling like this though

 

[krissie23]

Sorry I'm gatecrashing from Tri 2!

Had to offer you some advice though as I have the ultimate MIL from hell! Tbh I think you should definetly be honest and make your feelings clear, as if you keep things bottled up, it will only cause more resentment to build up!

I would try getting your OH to have a word with her and ask her to back off a little bit & say you want a little bit of space. I kept asking my OH to say something about his mum butting in all the time and doing my head in with her never-ending nasty comments and being a busy body.. he never used to but I now if I ask him, he does it, coz I think he's finally realised how much I get worked up over it.

If your OH won't say anything, personally I would just be quite distant with her & try to limit contact as much as you can if she's really that bad! I've got caller ID on my house phone and I rarely answer the phone of it's her ringing.. she's starting to get the hint now! I can underdtand how you feel though as my mum works fulltime but MIL is retired... it sounds silly but I don't want my mum to feel pushed out and feel like MIL sees my LO more than she does. MIL has got 6 other grand-kids where as for my mum and dad, Amber is their first so I think it makes it a tiny bit more special and I don't want MIL ruining it for them by trying to push them out (which believe me, she does!)

 

[emmie]

I've got caller ID on my house phone and I rarely answer the phone of it's her ringing.. she's starting to get the hint now!

Lol i have tried this also its great technology isnt it, she would just ring our mobiles though and she gets arsy if we dont answer either of them.

 

[krissie23]

Yeah it is fantastic!
She started to get round it though by ringing up quite late at night, like around 10.30 - 11.00pm, she knew we would answer the phone straight away at that time as if we left it ringing, it would wake our daughter up!

One day she must have been sitting there pressing redial on her phone and just ringing constantly, I pulled the plug out in the end and she got arsey with me too when I next saw her, I told her the phone had been playing up & I forgot to take my mobile off silent!

 

[Alicebabe]

I sympathise - mine is the same. Even offering for me to stay at her house after the baby is born - even my DH agreed it was nothing to do with my recuperation, she just wants to have the baby at her house! She also keeps saying she wants to be there for the birth - we have told her no and now she is saying she will wait outside the door at the hospital - no matter how long the labour is! She has the travel system at her house and when we asked for the car seat in case of an early birth, she didnt want to give it up coz ''I like having it around''

 

[emmie]

I sympathise - mine is the same. Even offering for me to stay at her house after the baby is born - even my DH agreed it was nothing to do with my recuperation, she just wants to have the baby at her house! She also keeps saying she wants to be there for the birth - we have told her no and now she is saying she will wait outside the door at the hospital - no matter how long the labour is! She has the travel system at her house and when we asked for the car seat in case of an early birth, she didnt want to give it up coz ''I like having it around''

Mine keeps going on about us staying at hers to we only live 12 miles away for god sake i think we can manage it home, she also keep saying about her getting a travel cot for when the baby stays at hers!! urrr how about its not going to for a very very long time yet!! thank god for breast feeding at least i have that as an excuse for a while why are they so interfering? it may just be my high emotions at the moment but its getting me down

 

[krissie23]

she also keep saying about her getting a travel cot for when the baby stays at hers!! urrr how about its not going to for a very very long time yet!!(

Omg that would really pee me off! Why does she just assume that you're going to want your baby staying at hers.. especially if you're breastfeeding! I breastfed my DD and I found it a very useful excuse for not having to let my MIL have her overnight!

Although my MIL is sooooo ridiculous that she actually tried to persuade me NOT to breastfeed & the first time she saw my DD after we came home from the hospital, she had actually gone out & bought a couple of bottles & some formula milk & asked me if she could 'feed the baby'! She knew how much I wanted to breastfeed but all she kept saying was how she had bottle-fed all her 3 kids & how much easier it was & I should do it! I had given birth less than 24 hours earlier and just dragged my OH out of the room and burst into tears and told him I wanted to go home!

 

[emmie]

Although my MIL is sooooo ridiculous that she actually tried to persuade me NOT to breastfeed & the first time she saw my DD after we came home from the hospital, she had actually gone out & bought a couple of bottles & some formula milk & asked me if she could 'feed the baby'! She knew how much I wanted to breastfeed but all she kept saying was how she had bottle-fed all her 3 kids & how much easier it was & I should do it! I had given birth less than 24 hours earlier and just dragged my OH out of the room and burst into tears and told him I wanted to go home!

Thats disgusting behaviour she sounds awfull my heart goes out to you hun I dont think my mil would go that far. I HOPE!!!

 

[krissie23]

Awww thanks hun!

She really is the limit... she does things like that, then wonders why I'm a bit off with her and try to avoid her as much as possible! She's already said that when this baby is born she will come and stay so she can help me when I get back from the hospital and also look after my Daughter!
The problem is that she's 60 & has been retired for a few years, & she doesn't really do anything, like she has no hobbies, etc., & only lives a 10 min walk from our house, so I don't really know how to fob her off! Think I'll tell her that MY mum will be coming to stay coz that should put her off, she doesn't really like my mum!

I really hope yours isn't as bad as that though! I hope you manage to get out of having to stay with her & she gives you some space!

 

[emmie]

oh dont worry i wont be staying there not under any circumstances. Lol

She is trying to muscle in on my scan next week to see if bubs is still breech as hubby cant come but my friend is coming with me thank god so thats that one sorted.

 

[Bexie]

Oh you poor girls, my ex MIL was another MIL from hell, my present MIL is fantastic and the only fault I can find is that she doesn't visit often enough (we live miles away)

My problem is my mum, when my DD was born she just wanted to take over, she would snatch my DD off me the minute she saw us, wouldn't even acknowledge my pressence and on a few occassions actually refered to herself as my DD's mummy, I SOON PUT HER RIGHT!!!!!

 

[emmie]

Oh you poor girls, my ex MIL was another MIL from hell, my present MIL is fantastic and the only fault I can find is that she doesn't visit often enough (we live miles away)

My problem is my mum, when my DD was born she just wanted to take over, she would snatch my DD off me the minute she saw us, wouldn't even acknowledge my pressence and on a few occassions actually refered to herself as my DD's mummy, I SOON PUT HER RIGHT!!!!!

Mother from hell instead of MIL from hell that doesnt happen to often, i have no idea what my mum would be like as this is her first grandchild but i cant imagine her being demanding, i can see her trying to push her advice on me though, which i will listen to but do what i feel is right.

 

[Bexie]

Unfortunately I'd say that my relationship with my mum has got worse since my DD was born, rather than better. She'd be interfering in quite a subtle way, but enough to let me know that that was the way she felt it had to be done. She would drive me nuts on occassions. She always gave me the impression that I was having my daughter for her, not because me and my OH actually wanted a child of our own. Whenever she had a friend to come and visit, she would march round to ours and insist that her friends wanted to see our DD at that moment!!!!