Feeling Pressured.

[shubee]

Hi everyone.

I previously put this in Introductions but it might be better placed here.

I'm feeling awfully confused right now so I thought this might be a good place to come for some helpful advice. I'll try to be brief.

(A bit of background)

So my husband and I have been married for a little over a year and we're both 27.

We weren't planning to start trying for a baby until we'd been married for a couple of years but more importantly until we had bought a house.

We had a huge wedding and a pretty extravagant honeymoon so since getting married we've sort of started from scratch financially with our savings etc.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was at the doctors discussing my concerns with what I consider irregularities with my cycle and some other symptoms I've been experiencing. The doctor suggested that I should have some blood tests as she thinks PCOS might be the cause. She then said that if having a baby was something that I wanted I should get on with it and should start trying sooner rather than later.

"I've had women come to me with problems at 37 and wish they had started trying 10 years earlier" she added.

I never thought at 27 I'd have someone tell me that my clock was ticking and feel like I was running out of time. Maybe it's just me but I didn't think this sort of thing was an issue until you reach at least 33.

Anyway now I feel really pressured and don't know what to do. I know people say there is never a right time to have a baby, the doctor even laid that quote on me yesterday. But my husband and I really feel like this is completely the wrong time and not something we're in a position to do at this very moment. I'm not even working at the minute since my last job was only fixed term which is making saving for a house that much harder. (Although I've got 4 interviews lined up next week so that could all change very soon)

But it's not just the money side of things that puts me off having a baby right now, it's on a personal level too. I've struggled to find anything decent on the job front since finishing my degree and I hate the idea of settling down with kids having not carved out any sort of career yet. Having a baby would obviously make this so much harder and I'm desperate to feel some sort of accomplishment and happiness within myself before making that commitment.

However I'm not totally unrealistic and I did say to my husband that if I reach 30 and I'm still in the same position then we'd just go for it as I'm more than aware that I can't put it off too long.

Sorry for rambling and thank you if you've stuck with me to the end of this post. I guess I just needed to offload a little. It's got me feeling pretty down so I'd appreciate your thoughts, advice etc.

 

[kittyrooroo]

Hi, I always assumed my life would go the traditional way, marriage, house, kids..
But I fell pregnant after having a reaction to the pill I was taking and it didn't work. I didn't have a proper job, I was working here, there and everywhere in temporary roles as I wasn't sure what I wanted to do long term. I was really upset that I didn't have a career (I was 22) and thought it would be impossible once baby arrived. I was insanely jealous of my partner who could progress in his career while I was at home getting bigger and preparing to put my work life in the past.

However now, my little boy is 18 months old and I have a job at his nursery. After he was born, I realised I wanted to work with children and having him in nursery gave me an opportunity to get a job there. I'm now 24 and luckily I can train on the job to get my NVQ so if I have another baby I can go straight back into a job with my qualifications.

I never believed for one second that age 22 was the best time for a baby but it's all worked out for the best and even employers take into account the life experience you gain when you become a parent. We're now saving for a house and hope to use the help to buy scheme at some time next year.

If I was in your shoes, I would try as soon as you feel comfortable. Sometimes you have to ignore the sensible side and just go with your heart! Or womb in this case!

I still have days when I feel like no one takes me seriously as anything but a mother but when I see how amazing my little boy is turning out I don't really mind!

Good luck with whatever you choose xxx

 

[Mrs M]

shubee I am very much like you! I had a 'plan' and I am so lucky that it worked out that way for me. I spent a lot of time partying, studying, and working towards my future. I felt that it was so important to me, to have a job, a car and my own home before I could bring a child into this world. This ;there's never a right time to have children' to me is a load of crap! If you have no job and can't provide for them, then to me that is not a good time!

I have 2 friends who have PCOS. The first has 3 children (conceived naturally), and the second have 2 children (1 conceived on chlomid and the 2nd naturally). In my opinion 27 is no age. Even with issues that you may have, waiting 2 years (if you want to) isn't going to change the outcome in my mind.

The Drs have already identified a potential problem, so you would not have to wait the 12-18 months a 'normal' person would have to wait before being referred, it would only be 6 months.

But the only person who can answer the questions is you! The main one being - do you want a baby now? You could fall pregnant first time!