Feeling Low

[kellyb27]

Hi everyone. Just had the weekend from hell....

I am 27 years old and have been TTC for about 2 years now. I've been married for a year (aniversary on 2nd April) and been going to a fertility clinic for a year and a half.

This whole TTC thing is now getting me down. I have tried metformin, but it made me really sick, i've had internal scans, external scans, blood tests, hormone tests, you name it...and the conclusion not PCOS, not anything wrong with DH... my hormones that make me have periods (ovulate) cant get through my fat tissue... Aint the NHS grand!

I had this conclusion on 6th April and was still trying to feel positive, i've been going regulary to the gym three to four times a week and still- as always eating sensibly. Then it happened.... My younger sister was round for the evening... i had made some dinner and asked why she wasn't eating the cheese... she told me "Im pregnant"

I was totally shocked, she got married in November and said that they were not going to try till at least a year... and here she is 10 weeks gone. i feel like a failure and cant stop crying, she got there first and there is nothing i can do about it.

Everyone just says "it'll be your time soon" but at the moment that doesn't help.... to top it all she told me on Thursday and DH was away till yesterday evening... have spent all weekend on my own and now I cant even bear the thought of leaving my house....

it all looks really bleak....

 

[rusks]

i really do sympathise with you. everything around you seems to be all babies and pregnancy when you are so desperate for it to happen. We have only been trying two months but i have been desperate to have a baby for years but waited til my OH was ready. i naively thought i'd be pregnant before christmas! when one of my friends told me she was pregnant i was so happy for her don't get me wrong but i could have poked her eyes out with jealousy! and i cried and cried after she went home. everyone at work seems to be pregnant and they seem to find it so easy to fall pregnant planning what time of year to have children etc, i don't care when i just want it asap.

just want you to know i know how you feel and you not alone, there are lots of people on this site in the same position i am sure,
thinking of you. lis x

 

[kellyb27]

Thanks
It's nice to know there are people that understand.... Im just really angry that`she never even told me she was trying. I've spent hours telling her about my problems and the numerous visits to the docs and not once did she say anything....

I just want to be left alone and be able to sulk.... none of this chin up rubbish. Im not giving up i just want to be negative for a few days... does that make sense. It'll be out of my system in a few days... I hope

 

[rusks]

i find negativity works for a while especially when however hard you try to be positive it ain't going to happen, have a good cry and a good bitch make yourself feel better, watch a soppy film and eat lots of choc hey its easter!

 

[Jaidy]

Hey you,

Im in exactly the same position as Rusks and yourself Kelly. Its a nightmare. The reason your Sis never told you she was trying was because she prob didnt know how to approach you with it considering your fertility history. She prob didnt want to hurt you, but unfortunately in our situation any woman that gets pregnant apart from you is gunna pull at your heart strings!!! Sometimes I just well up when I see babies on TV and I have only been trying 3 months, how sad.

All us TTCers will be thinking of you, it may be hard and take a while to get used to but hopefully it will ease soon.

Baby dust to you my sweet!

 

[Helen]

Hi Kelly

I know exactly what you are going through. OH and I are to-ing and fro-ing to fertility specialist and have an IVF appointment in June. There's nothing worse than that jealous feeling especially when it's someone that under any other circumstances you'd be delighted for.

The problem with people who haven't gone through the same situation is that they don't really know how to handle it or what to say to you. Most people (quite unintentionally) say the worst thing at the worst time.

And God, if I had a pound for everytime someone said "just relax" or "it'll be you next"...! "F*&£ OFF!"

OH and I have been trying for 16 months now, but I also tried for 18 months with ex-DH. Started trying (and desperately wanting a child) around 6 and half years ago. Haven't used contraception particularly in that time.

What have the docs said about the hormone thing? Are they telling you to lose weight or something?

The being really negative thing helps. I find 24 or 48 hours usually does the trick. If feel sorry for my OH, it must be awful for him to find this raging hormonal lunatic crying her eyes out, slamming doors and generally being truly horrible in his home.

Have a good rage and in a couple of days you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off and brace yourself for the next phase like we always do.

H
xx

 

[kellyb27]

Thanks everyone, this has really helped me. It's so nice to know that im not insane!! and I was right i am feeling a little better now I have sulked for a few days. I also came to the selfish conclusion that given the opportunity i wouldn't want to be PG so soon into my sisters Pregnancy as i wouldn't get all the attention LMAO

Yes the lovely doctors *ahem* have said the reason I haven't had a period for two years is because im fat so im busting my arse in the gym doing all I can to loose some in the vain hope that my AF will return soon. I suppose the positive side is that there is nothing wrong with me as far as the docs are concerned, not early menopause or anything..... so, I just have to keep busting my ass, loose half my body weight and wait patiently like we all seem to do...

 

[Little Miss Joslyn]

Hi there,
I know how you feel and really hate insensitive people who dont think before they speak! They do say that your brain cells go when you are pregnant! that must be their excuse. I fell pregnant three months after i came off the pill after being on it for 10 years. Sadly I had a miscarriage and have been ttc for almost a year now but nothing! I am sertiously thinking of changing doctors as mine is crap. He said I may have a hormanal imbalance but is not bothered about helping me ttc as I fell pregnant before! How insensitive is that!!! my friend has just fallen pregnant and it makes me even more angry as she doesnt want children. Im 30 and know my clock is ticking and im so impatient.
Baby dust to you all.
Nic x

 

[karens31]

Hi Kelly

i'm 31 and like you had been ttc for over 2 years. i know how it feels going through that monthly cycle of hope, apprehension and disappointment. it seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant 3 of my closest friends, my sister and loads of people at work. i never felt jealous exactly but every time i heard of a new one my heart just sank....anyway before i depress any further there is a happy ending...after 2 and a half years i found out i was pregnant a few weeks ago - i really thought it would never happen for me. just wanted to say hang on in there it just takes some of us a bit longer than others. wishing you all the luck in the world xxxx

 

[margaret]

Thanks Karen for giving us longterm TTCers hope. 2.5 years and you are 31. I am 32 and have been trying for nearly 3 years, so we're similar in situation.

Congratulations on your BFP!! If you have any fertility tips pass them on