Feeling low, had enough of it all.

[lmarszall]

Hi All,

Sorry to post a depressing message. I know i should be really happy and excited but i'm not.

You will probably all hate me and think i'm being stupid and i'm sorry but i just had to get it all out.

For the past couple of weeks i have been worrying more and more about having this baby and now i am so worryed that i wont be able to cope.

I am so fed up already. I feel like i have lost by identity. I am boring. I am fed up with not being able to do anything. It's like my life is on hold forever. I feel horribly fat and unattractive. I'm fed up of feeling ill and in pain all the time. I can't go out with my friends and have fun. I can't spend my money on what i want. And everything i do and every decision i make i have to think about the baby first.

You must all think i am terribly selfish but i just keep thinking about my life before i was pregnant and i know i will never get that back. And it will be worse when the baby is here. I just wish everything could be simple again.

And now i'm scared when the baby does come that i won't love him.

Can anyone offer me any advice. Or am just being a complete selfish twat.

Laura
x

 

[Minxy]

Don't feel crap. Don't feel you're the only one to feel this way.

You've had over half a year of feeling completely detached from yourself, of people possibly treating you differently, talking to you about different things, your whole world has changed.

I can't lie. You won't have your pre-pregnancy life back. And you'll continue to miss it sometimes. But what you're gaining is SO much more. Please don't worry about loving your baby. For me, the bonding didn't happen immediately but it did happen.

Becoming a mother is about gain not loss. You'll find emotions you never knew you had. I felt like my soul grew. It's like living in a house for years and finding a room you didn't realise was there.

And now when I think of the nice clothes I used to wear and how my current wardrobe is two sizes bigger and covered in stains, or my childless friends talk about the latest on-a-whim outing they've been on, Stanley will giggle at me or wave, and any whiff of ill-feeling evaporates. Truly it does.

for you. You're on the home straight. Be proud of yourself xxxxx

 

[Emmylou]

I think it is natural to feel this way, not all women do during the pg, some feel that way once bubba is here.....so don't feel bad on yourself that you are feeling this way now.

You are realising the enormity of what is happening, its not just a 'pregnancy' this is a new life (in more ways than one!). Your LO will change your life completely, and not for the bad, it is a positive thing to have a baby and bring a new life, but yes, your life will be different, you will be responsible for a child, you have to put them first (along with yourself!) and they will require you changing your social life - but its only a change - it doesn't have to end your social life babe

I also started to feel fat & fed up at the end of my pg, and couldn't wait to get back to 'normal'........it is all worth it though (may not feel that way now) but once you are holding that precious life in your arms that was created by love - wow - worth every frumpy minute!!

I think you should have a bath, do your hair, put your make up on - find your most flattering dress (& I know you have gorgeous dresses cos I've seen them i the tummy pics thread ) and get you OH to take you out for dinner....if thats not possible tonight, then you must book it in for during the week.

Lots of love hun, you don't need to feel down on your own, pm me if you need too.

You will love your baby, for some women its not instant, but there will always be an invisible thread that binds you to him, thats love!



EDIT: What Minxy said - sums it up brilliantly!!

 

[Baileysmummy]

i just wanted to give you a big huni

sorry to hear your feelingt his way but your not being selfish at all. different people respond diffrently to being pregnant its all normal..

chin up babes

 

[Tangerinedream]

sorry you feel this way hun. I dont think you sound selfish, its a very big thing to come to terms with, but it doesnt mean your life is over. once you hold your LO in your arms and look into their eyes all of these feelings will melt away. have a big hug hun

 

[Sabrina]

Laura,

Sorry to hear you are feeling down I just wanted to say lots of us feel this way at some time during pregnancy. I don't know if it's something "in the air" at the moment but I have read a few threads here lately where ladies are a bit fed up and not "glowing" or "brimming with happiness" like we supposedly should be. So don't feel alone or beat yourself up over feeling down. It's ok to be concerned and worried about the changes to your life.

It's lovely to read the posts from the new mums. They are so right in what they say. Your life will change in many ways but it will be so worth it.

Even when I feel crap or I've had a row with my (hormonal and teenage) son, I still know he's the best thing to have happened to me in my life. I will never regret having him and struggling to bring him up as a single mum for the last 9 years. I'm sure in the future you will feel the same way and be ever proud of your LO too.

Chin up, play some loud music, have a dance around the kitchen and follow it up by giving ourself a little pampering. It will help.

There's not long to go now. Hang in there!

 

[*glow*]

aHH Big big . I had that this morning a bit, honestly I have started to walk past the mirror cos I feel quite lardy now. I know what you are saying about your pre PG life but remember you will be able to have a couple of beers with your OH and that alone will feel good! (Am I the only one who is dying for some alcohol??)

Chin up and pamper yourself, do whatever you like to do, eat cake, paint your nails, get a pedicure or go for dinner, not long to go honey xxx

Ps I had a spray tan the other week, that was pretty good!

 

[trixipaws]

u need hugs!

 

[Ali K]

I sometimes have a meltdown about how different my life is now and what to expect in the future. I moved to another Country, gave up work and found out I was pregnant all in the space of 6 weeks so my life bares no resemblance to what it was before.....and I miss it!

I feel guilty that I'm not loving being pg and I've never been overly maternal so I don't coo at all the babies I see! We have a 10 month old puppy and my husband and I sometimes joke that we'll love the dog more than the baby!

Don't worry, you're not the only one and I think it's normal to feel this way too!

XX

 

[amy]

sending you lots of hugs its so difficult at this stage, not long now....i worry like crazy, im so skint, my house is to small... i havent had time to think about this pregnancy ( 2 other children sending me round the bend) so i feel he will just be a burden....sounds dredful..... and im in agony 24 7 ... but im telling myself everything will fit into place when he is here take care sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Red_Fairy]

Ive posted on here in the past about feeling id lost my identity and that now i feel utterly boring.
My whole life ive been a party animal and a 'rock chick' and sinse being pregnant theres nothing 'rock' about me at all... and i, at times, have felt complete resentment.


I think its completely natural to have days like this/that. I havent had any for a long while now and im just full of excitment to meet my little miss.

Life is not over when you have a baby. Theres always so many doteing people who wanna babysit especially in the first few months - maybe arange a weekend away or somthing you like to do now! I have! lol im going to glastonbury festival this summer. My mum cant wait to have the baby that weekend and altho i know it'll probably kill me leaving my LO then, i know its inportant for me and OH to have fun and a break.


I really hope your feeling better and your not selfish at all!!! i relate to everything you say hunnie.

 

[Baileysmummy]

how are you feeling now huni

 

[Marymary]

I totally agree with RachelandJarvis says, I had the maddest summer of my life last summer, went to loads of parties/festivals etc and thought life was great, by sept I found out i was pg.

It took me a few months to even like the idea let alone understand it, i knew it was what i wanted but i felt like decisions were made for me and i wasnt gonna be able to go out and join in with my friends bcos i had to be responsible.

But now its like i can see that life is about to get better and this baby is gonna complete mine and stuart's family. We will still go out and our friends will be round ours most of this summer partying in the garden so the baby can be at home and undistrubted when she needs to sleep. So weve done our garden up so its somewhere we want to chill out and have fun.

Ur priorities will change yes, but so will ur perspective and its up to u to keep ur identity. Ive made such a conscious effort to (try) and look good and everyone comments how pregnancy seems to suit me- trust me it doesnt lol- but i wont let them see that. I always wear nice clothes, no tents or bad fitting stuff, lots of make up and have my hair done.

Trust me if u feel like u and dont get suckered into the whole, "now ur pg thats it for 18yrs" ur baby will be happier and so will u.

 

[Lyn_no3]

i hope your feelin better today hun

i think we all have thoughts like this at one time or another whilst we're pregnant, don't feel selfish for feeling that way its naturel to be scared of the unknown and want to perhaps keep things the way you have known them for this long, i'm sure as everyone has said that once you bond with your baby be that straight away or a little while later that things will seem much better

 

[lmarszall]

Thanks everyone

I feel a bit better but only if i take my mind off things. I have so many other things to worry about at the moment i just feel like it's all too much.

Work only paid me half my wages this month!!!! I had loads of sick time but i was told i'd be paid for it and i haven't. So i am soo skint this month.

Also i have loads going on trying to get a place to live and a car and my dad is really ill and everything is just shit.

I just wish something good would happen to me. Ususally when i feel crap i'd go out and get very drunk, but i can';t even do that. And i can't explain to DP how i feel.

Its easy for him to feel sorry me feeling rough but in his perfect world everything will be worth it when we have our baby. Well he isn't the one who has to give birth and breastfeed and be in pain and feel like crap afterewards and be expected to look after a tiny human being who you have no idea how to care for.

So he just thinks i'm a grumpy cow now and he won't understand how resentful i already feel to his son.



Thanks for the advice though, it's nice to know someone understands.

Laura
xx

 

[claire81]

Ah Laura, what you're feeling is totally normal! I'm pretty sure most of us have all thought it, especially if its your first (i know i defo did with my first)
But in 7 weeks time - which will go fast - you will be able to do all the things you want to do. I thought thats it, my lifes over, but when you have kids, infact it just begins. Yes ok you can't drop things and go out without having to arrange things first but other than that there will be no stopping you. I cartainly can't wait to go on a good pi** up when LO's born, we deserve it. And i can't wait to go out for a meal without being really uncomfortable or go the cinema without sitting in the toilet for half the film!!

So big you're not selfish, you're just pregnant!

 

[Sabrina]

Aww big hugs Laura My OH (and DS) also think I'm a grumpy old cow this weekend. My son even said to me "so you're pregnant - get over it!"

Hang in there. Try to tackle one problem at a time so it doesn't all seem so much. You will be a great mum, I bet, and in a few months you'll probably wonder what you were worrying about as far as caring for the baby goes.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Hun it is perfectly normal how your feeling
I felt like this more in my first pregnancy as it was such a huge change i went from partying everyday to not and having to worry how i will cope but once you see your LO you know it was all worth it and wouldnt change it for the world.
Your almost done then you can at least feel a bit better.
You are right our OH's dont understand but how can they unless they are pregnant themselves unfortanetly we will always have more to stressover then them
Keep your head up hun things will get better
Katrina