Feeling le poo (long post sorry)

[MaryLouise]

I cant seem to shift this feeling of absolute crap. I'm really tired all the time. The last few nights I have slept OK (despite being woken by my OH who was slapping me in the face with the duvet in his sleep, a quick jab in the jaw from me and he stopped hitting me, most bizarre!) but last weekend I didnt sleep at all well and I dont seem to have been able to catch up on it. I had severe heartburn and with that on top of a throat infection I just couldnt get comfortable or relax enough to sleep. Now I'm feeling better but still really really tired.
I've been feeling depressed since pretty much the day we conceived, it was this which made me think that I was pregnant in the first place! But I have only just gotten round to making an appointment with the DR. I haven't felt ready to talk to anyone about how I feel, but last week I had episodes were I felt suicidal and decided that I had to do something about it. I've had depression before but came off meds because I wanted to prove I can cope, but things have been so stressful lately on top of all these hormones, that its probably worse than it has ever been. I think that if it wasnt for the baby, if I felt this way I probably would have done something very silly by now.
The point is, is there anything the DR's can do? or will they just want me to talk over my feelings? My OH is coming to the appointment with me so that he can explain what its like living with me but I'm not sure I want to do too much talking with him around and in the past the DR's at my surgery have been pretty useless, so I dont know if I can confide in them fully and to be honest I dont really know how I feel, its just that at times I cant cope and I want out.
Not really sure why I'm telling you all this, but I guess it does help to write some of it down. On the plus side I am going for a growth scan today because of my pre-existing Hypertension so I get to see my bubs, hopefully that will make me feel a bit better and perhaps I can get enough sleep tonight to make tomorrow a better day.

 

[lea m]

Oh hun!

First of all, there is something the doc can do! Some anti depressants are safe to use during pregnancy!
I think the worse thing anyone can do is stop taking the pills to prove they can cope! It has such a horrid stigma with it depression and it causes people like yourself (and me) to feel bad for taking pills etc and feel like you have to prove something! You dont!
I think you have gotten to the lowest point! I really really hope you can get the help you need and can begin to feel better in time for LO arriving!

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

Really sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I know what its like as I have suffered with depression in the past. There is a way out and you will get better. Ask your doctor about councilling or ask him about talking to a CPN ( community physciatric nurse). I did this and it really helped me, they really understood what I was going through and it was somehow easier to talk to someone who I didn't know and who knew nothing about me or my life. It helped me overcome the depression although it did take a long time but I got there eventually and it has left me a more confident and positive person because of it. But remember its ok to ask for help and you don't have to go through it alone. I hope you get the help you need soon. If you need to chat, PM me anytime

 

[nori]

Hiya,

i was a samaritan for a year so if ever you want to PM me then feel free. I also had a rough time with my crohns last year and got myself in a very downward cycle and was very negative about life. I didnt want to go down the road of anti depressants as i was on enough pills already and it wasnt for me.

I did have counselling though and i would highly recommend it. Your doctor should be able to refer you as an urgent case if you are having suicidal thoughts.

Claire x

 

[CorrieFan]

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I hope the scan cheered you up a bit and made you realise what an amazing thing you are doing right now.

Please do confide in the doctors and get some anti-depressants. I think you picked a pretty rough time to try and show yourself how well you can cope without them - we pregnant ladies have hormones that are up the spout at the best of times. Don't be hard on yourself.

Best of luck x

 

[MaryLouise]

Thanx all!
The scan was great, everything in its place etc, still dont know if its a girl or boy we want to stay team green so that I can have something to focus on after the birth (my sister says it gives you something to say!)
Anyway went to the DR who was pretty useless, wants me to talk to the midwife and take it from there. Some of the stuff she said was so patronising I actually wanted to slap her! Some of it though made sense and I had a few tears but in general I dont feel any closer to feeling like anybody understands or wants to help! My OH and mum keep assuming things and trying to place how I feel into some kinda box! The thing is, I'm happy to be pregnant, I cant wait to have our baby, I'm not scared of being a first time mum or any of that, I just feel crap and the simplest of things can set me off. I'm not too happy to talk to the midwife as I have had no continuity of care and have met this midwife once and she was a bit odd, I'm going to try but think perhaps I might have to look elsewhere for answers!

 

[lea m]

Oh Im sorry your doc is useless! What good will talking to the midwife do? I went to my docs yesterday and got some pills as I cant do it alone anymore! Thankfully my doc knows what she is doing and knows I know the difference between feeling sad and being depressed!
People always assume things dont they!?
"Oh your down well are you sure you want the baby?""try not to worry about it all, things will be fine in the end" etc? WTF??
I think that is why a lot of people misunderstand depression, you doc shouldnt be one of them though! And gosh, you have had dangerous thoughts etc!? Your doc has made me mad!!
I hope you can find some help from somewhere soon!!