Feeling Depressed

[FlutterBy89]

I'm feeling so down in the dumps today.

One I can't seem to get my house the way I want it. Its a mess. Everything is everywhere. I dont have the time or energy to get it all cleaned up and ship shape. Its really annoying me but arghhhh I dunno

Another thing im sick of not having friends. I dont go out much and since school iv slowly lost all my friends. All I have is my partner and family which some of them are just irritating and two faced so I dont really have them.
I need friends. Someone to talk to if not in person then online. Someone who I can relate to.... Have fun talking to. I dunno. Just friends!

Last but not least I feel bleh. I look in the mirror and see a fat ugly person. I'm not fishing for complements but I just feel like crap. My clothes are hard to get in to cause of the baby weight... Either my boobs or belly just won't fit in..... I depend highly on makeup and even though people say I dont need it I just feel ugly and horrible without it.
I see all these girls with nice clothes..... Nice hair.... Good bodies and just looking fantastic and I just look like ugly and fat =(

Can anyone else relate to any of this?

I feel soooooo alone and empty and I just want to cry all the time.

 

[Allthingsgirly]

I can relate to all of this I feel like I could have written this myself! Today I'm feeling super emotional over silly things that normally wouldn't have become such a big deal as what they seem just can't think logical when it comes to the issues at all so it's getting me down.

All I see when I look at myself (I don't have mirrors where I live due to the way I see myself so didn't feel it was good for me having them) I must see a fat ugly mess all the time & wonder how on earth anyone would want to get me pregnant me in the first place! I'm embarrassed about how I look & no amounts of "your pregnant" can seem to change how I percieve myself.

 

[FlutterBy89]

Finally someone who feels the same way. I'm forever looking at my little girl and thinking how the hell I could have made someone so beautiful.

I'm trying to stay strong because I dont want my daughter to pick up on my sadness but its really hard to do. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I guess us women have to stick together and be strong for our children. Do you ever think this stage will pass?

 

[Babygiz]

Didn't want to read and run but I would say yes that phase does pass eventually. I was exactly how you described but how 18 months on I have finally accepted who I am and my larger stonach I've learnt to be proud of as I carried my son and I'm proud of it. Do you have any baby groups you could go to as that's what helped me alot making new friends and openly talking about general things?

 

[Allthingsgirly]

Finally someone who feels the same way. I'm forever looking at my little girl and thinking how the hell I could have made someone so beautiful.

I'm trying to stay strong because I dont want my daughter to pick up on my sadness but its really hard to do. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I guess us women have to stick together and be strong for our children. Do you ever think this stage will pass?

Well we're all different & things effect us all in a different way for me persoanlly I never think anything will pass I always felt I'd be stuck in this rut with the way I was feeling. Since becoming pregnant though I can't believe how much I've changed ive had very few down days where I will sit & sob or not get out of bed, things seem brighter & I'm a lot happier. Yes I have down days but nowhere near as bad as what I have been feeling, when things hit me I try to look positively on them & see a logical way out sometimes though it isn't always possible & like today I won't be able to see the logical way & it will eat away at me.

I used to be dependant on alcohol but since being pregnant ive not touched alcohol since I found out & even before I knew 100% that I was I had gone off alcohol & I don't ever want to go back to being that person I can't believe the change in me in this way I seriously thought I would never lead an alcohol free life now so far (touch wood) I can't see a life back on it because I'll have my gorgeous LO that has given me a purpose!

I wouldn't say to anyone oh go out & get pregnant it sorts out all your problems because seriously that isn't the case for me yes it helped a lot with me getting off the alcohol & helped with my depression but in no way is it something that could ever fix such a problem. Just for me it really has changed me as a person & how I look at things, it's not about me now theres a new life coming in & I want to do the very best I can.

 

[SR35]

I can totally relate to what you're saying. My lo is 5 months now and I love her to bits but I also get a bit down over things such as never having time for anything else anymore. When she is napping I rush round sterilising bottles, doing washing, trying to tidy up etc but I only ever scratch the surface and my family make comments about how untidy the house is when they come over! And getting myself ready in the morning is now a quick ten minute job and most days I feel I look haggard and dull! I never buy new clothes, go out, do anything for myself! I also don't seem to have any friends anymore, they've drifted away since lo came along and I'm fed up trying to make the effort when they can't seem to be bothered! There are some baby groups and I'm trying to get the courage to go along to one but just feel like it will be cliquey and I'm not that great at meeting new people. But I do want to do it for lo because otherwise we are just stuck in day after day and I'm sure she would love it.

Sorry that turned into a little rant! But just so you know you're not alone in feeling like this, it is really hard but I know it will get better as she gets a little older and it must be the same for everyone. xx

 

[Allthingsgirly]

Girlies you should see the state of my home & my LO isn't here yet & yet ive things all over & even if I do an hour a day it doesn't seem like it gets any better! I've got PGP & no one around to help so I have to do it little & often! I'm hoping to move shortly soon so that's why things have no place as been sorting things ready to move or get rid of before moving!

I'm hoping to be able to start some groups around by me that are within walking distance to get to & hopefully meet some new mom friends but the one thing that holds me back from making friends is that I feel like I'm an older mom (31) so there will be none of my age that go to these groups! I've found the details anyways so I'm going to give it a go & also it gives the LO more stimulation than just being with me.

Shame we can't set some of group on here where we could meet once a week/fortnight/month for coffee or play dates think that would be good being around like minded people but I know we're all scattered around the country sadly

 

[Lyllian]

Feeling the same. I run in circles trying to keep my house tidy (I've just put it on thr market too so added pressure) then oh comes in and then there's glasses lying everywhere, dinner pots left for me. And he comes in from work and asks me what I've done with my day...argh!!!

Also feeling veery alone. My family and friends are all over an hour away,hence I'm trying to move back home. Was OK when I was at work but I'm.very isolated and getting really down now. God knows what I'll do if my house doesn't sell. The friends I do have here tool the hump at the weekend cause I couldn't go out clubbing till 3am. I suddenly feel like I have nothing in common with them,they're all single and no commitments, all my.married friends with kids are ones at the other side of the country and most of then.are back at work. It's hard I feel for you've totally get where you're coming from. Where do you stay?

 

[Allthingsgirly]

When I'm alone i feel isolated & alone but when I'm staying with my family I feel fine either because there is the company there & I'm not alone, every time I go to an empty home I cry but I push threw it as ive got to get used to being on my own. I know soon enough I'll have a LO there as well but this is a different type of empty I really wish I had someone coming home to me & I domt have that

 

[Lyllian]

See I'm opposite, it never bothered me until lo was born, now I'm really homesick amd want more than anything to be home. Soon as I'm back in my home town I'll.be so much happier. Just hope my.house sells quick x

 

[Allthingsgirly]

I used to like my own space & then just come home on a weekends but now I just want to be as close as possible I miss not being at home which is strange I don't know why I'm having these sort of "attachment issues" I feel like a kid again

 

[Lyllian]

Think it's normal,I enjoyed the distance and being independent but when there's a little one it's nice to be around family etc again. It's a scary scary time having a little one to be responsible for. I thi k if I was near my parents family,friends I wouldn't have struggled so much in first weeks and wouldn't have been as terrified and depressed. The hope that I'll be able to be back home soon is only thing that's keeping me going. If my parents weren't helping with estate agent fees etc and it wasn't even a possibility moving I don't think I'd be in a very good place now.

With you on feeling like a kid again. On days my parents visit I actually get a panicky feeling when they're leaving!

 

[FlutterBy89]

I'm frk. The west Midlands in Dudley.... Where is everyone else from?

 

[FlutterBy89]

If anyone has FB, Skype or whatever be sure to inbox me your links or names and I'll add you. Let's get some friendly chats going. You never know we could get a nice little conversation going with all of us in. I know its not the same as face to face but we can be there for each other huh?

 

[Cakey]

Oh I could have written your post too! I'm not so bad now that I'm pregnant but beforehand I had really bad esteem problems and do feel that I could slip back into them after my baba is born. I also don't really have friends, I've moved to where my OH lives and haven't made friends despite living here 3 years. Probably due to the fact that my school/college friends dumped me when my brother died a few years ago. My OH is wonderful but I do feel like such a loner with no friends.
I don't really have any advice but I just wanted you to know that I do know how you feel and that you're not on your own. I live near Bristol but originally from West Mids

 

[Lyllian]

Uch dam I thought for some reason you were in Scotland. I don't have facebook but have Skype. I'll need to double check my email address on it,my uncle.set it up for me with some random.email address he made for me and I can never remember it! Will pm you it tomorrow

 

[Mackmummy]

Hey flutterby, I can relate to some parts, my house is a dump! My hubby works away and is currently away for Six weeks! Feels very lonely sometimes but thankfully I have good family and friends around me. Something you can do, which I did when I was pregnant, a few of us in my area started a little group and met up a few times, also get yourself out to some baby groups, they make me feel so much better! And no matter what always try to get out every day, even just for a quick walk with baby, always perks me up! Oh, and I am now a right fatty! I don't really care though! Hubby seats the wobbly bits are the best bits! I am slowly losing it just by walking a lot with baby so hopefully it will all be gone before we start trying for baby number two!!! Hope things get easier Hun, I'm sure they will indeed you ten a routine etc it all comes right, honest xxx

 

[Allthingsgirly]

I've got a facebook but I hardly use it for privacy reasons & the fact I don't really like fb. I'm in West Yorkshire. 1/2 the battle is finding people that are similar to yourself as you don't feel as alone in your problems & know that their are other people out there who also going threw a similar time.

Sadly for me once the LO is here I won't be able to attend the groups I once attended as babies aren't permitted so it leaves me at a loss & I do feel like I've just been "dumped" &'offered no alternatives that I can access with a LO. I've done a bit of research in my local area & I intend on getting out every day to walk to lose the weight I've gained & for exercise as my back is going to really need it as I'm suffering with PGP mainly due to weight gain I imagine.

 

[H16]

I can relate to the no friends part, all my supposed friends seem to have ditched me since baby came along. I hate meeting new people and am super shy but we are moving soon and I have promised myself I will try and get daughter involved in tumble tots or something as she loves playing with other children but hardly gets the chance. With baby number 2 on way I think it is even more important I give her something that is just for her if you know what I mean x

 

[BeckyBiscuit]

I would second what some of the others have said about baby groups, some can be a bit cliquey but others are really friendly. Worth trying a few to find one you like and just don't go back to the ones you don't. If you don't like the idea of talking to new people maybe try one that involves activity so it's not just sitting around talking, eg. baby sensory, signing or massage? Our local children's centres do a free course of baby sensory and our local library runs weekly free singing sessions which are good. Also I'm 33 and have found there is a real mix of ages at the groups I've been too, I don't feel old (well no more than usual lol!).
I'm in Worcestershire and in our area there is a Worcester Mums Network on Facebook, it's really good for tips and questions but also for connecting with other local Mums and finding out about local groups. May be worth seeing if there is anything similar in your area?
Xx