Feel so alone

[lisey]

It has been a couple of weeks since my 4th miscarriage and I just feel so sad and like I have a hundred thoughts in my head that I can't get out cos I don't feel like there is anyone to talk to. My OH is amazing and he is there of course but its hard offloading to the other person going through the exact same thing as me. My very best friend asked how I was via text, I replied that I was missing my baby (cos that's exactly how I was feeling in that moment) and it took her two days to reply!! I feel so let down by her...and just after I was explaining about my miscarriage when it first happened, she posted pics of her children on fb, one of which is a newborn. I don't expect her to not post pics but right after our conversation?!! I just feel that's insensitive, its like dangling something right in front of me that I had literally just lost. At this point I hadn't had the erpc so was still carrying baby.
I am starting to feel very anxious and am worrying about all sorts of things, like losing family members or something happening to my son. This is what happens when I have depression and I am worried its creeping back.
I am sorry for the thread, I just need to get some of my thoughts out as I just don't feel like there is anyone to speak to apart from this forum xx

 

[mrsbedders]

You are not alone sweetie, we are all here for you. Life is so bloody cruel sometimes. Try and take some time for you, have a hot bubble bath, eat some chocolate, or cake, or both! :-D xx get some cuddles off your son and OH and cry if you want to. I'm sorry your best friend isn't being as supportive as she could be, sometimes people just don't know what to say.

Everything will turn out alright in the end, and when you get your take home baby, he/she will be so worth the wait xxx

 

[snowbee]

Big hugs heading your way lisey. Have you been offered counselling? The EPU and my GP both offered after our mc so you may be eligible too. I don't know if you would find it beneficial to be able to speak with someone in person. I understand what you mean about friends, my best friend never did reply to my message when we had our mc and it took her 3 months to mention it afterwards. It can be a very lonely place but you know we are here for you. x

 

[flisstebbs]

I had my 4th MC on Dec 23rd, ended up really ill over NYE with a kidney infection and sent my hubby to the party we were meant to go to together. Not one single one of our so called friends could find it in them to text me a message to say get well soon or sorry for your loss. And hubby had told everyone what was happening. Later on, someone said to me that they had "no idea" that I'd been upset!!! I think unless you've been on the receiving end of a mc you have no idea how destroying it is. Not that I wished it on anyone I knew, but at the same time, I found it very frustrating watching friend after friend have baby #1, then #2 even!

I did get some counselling after mc#4 through work, it was the best thing I ever did. Really got my head straight. I could say exactly how bad I was feeling without risk of feeling like a mad person or worrying my hubby/family.

I hope you can get some help quickly. Although forum support is not the same as a friend in real life offering support, I know I found it a huge help coming here, and there are some people here who genuinely are feeling your pain and rooting for you to have your rainbow baby. x

 

[platypus]

Big hugs, don't apologise for the thread, thats what this forum is here for. While its completely normal to feel alone, sad, down and upset don't hesitate to ask your Dr for counselling, it can only help especially if your worried about depression.

I'm sorry about your friend, I had a similar thing but with more of an old friend who knew as my family accidently blabbed when i was pregnant before i mc - via facebook chat she asked how i was and as i knew she knew about the mc I was honest and said i was up and down trying to cope with the mc, i'm yet to get a response from her. I think people are scared of the mc and don't like talking about it and/or don't know what to do. I know in my case there have been times where people talking about the mc was the last i wanted as i was struggling to hold it together (i.e. i didn't want to break out in tears at work), and then other times i want to talk about and feel i can't since early on in the mc i didn't speak about it openly - catch 22!

mc sucks and while your going through it you think it will never end, but it does get better and while you never really put it behind you, you will find a way to move forward and be happy again, and in the mean time there is the support of those on this forum.

 

[lisey]

Thanks everyone, I can't believe some of you never got responses at all from friends, its such a let down when the closest people to you, are not there for you. My best friend has been more like a sister, she lived me with me for a couple of years and I guess I just expected more from her. She said she would be there if I ever wanted to talk but she wasn't. I might be expecting too much but I needed to get my thoughts out and getting no response when you feel so vulnerable and you send something so emotive just hurt. She has made a few insensitive comments these past few years, like how hard she found it that it took her 2 months to conceive her third child (after conceiving the first two first and second try). She knew at that point I had been trying years with miscarriages and she doesn't always 'like' posts on facebook that I put on about autism (my son has autism) incase someone thinks her children are autistic!!! There are more things and I guess when new things happen it brings up things that upset you in the past. I have never let her know that anything she has said has upset me as I don't want to upset her. I am the type of person that does anything for my friends and go out of my way not to upset them.
I have had counselling before, I think it was a year or so ago and I hated it, I ended up really disliking the woman as she seemed to just want me to cry, she would ask me a question, I would answer and then she wouldn't say anything, like a pause for tears. I don't like dredging everything up from my past (have been through a lot), if I could go and purely talk about the miscarriages then I think it would be ok. I haven't been offered counselling though, I am sure they would refer me if I requested it though but I just don't know if its the right thing for me.
I am so thankful for this forum and for all of you, it helps to get the thoughts and feelings out of my head . I am so sorry that so many of us have been through the heartache of miscarriages, life is so cruel sometimes xx

 

[Clementine]

Hi Lisey, I'm sending you a massive hug, you may feel alone but you are not alone. Losing a baby is such a personal journey only yourself and your OH feel the brunt of the grief. I definitely think that counseling can help once the counsellor is good.
I know a book by Mark Williams called Mindfulness has really helped me with overthinking - I bought the audio version and listened to it whilst I went for a walk. As you had being feeling so ill for ages before you had the miscarriage perhaps some vitamins would help, I normally take each vitamin separately rather than eating a multivitamin, for anxiety all the B Vitamins are good like B Complex, Magnesium, Zinc, Selenium, Coenzyme Q10.
You have been through so much that it is only natural that your mind is in overdrive, also your hormones have gone through a huge fluctuation over the last few weeks. I know I find it hard to share stuff but it's always better when I do.

Ps just read your 2nd post, I think you got the wrong counsellor last time, some counsellors delve into your past but others focus on the here and now and give you techniques for dealing with anxiety etc You can ask the counsellor what method they use and state that all you want is help with the grief you feel surrounding your miscarriages.

You are strong Lisey and the girls on the forum are always here to lend an ear. We may all seem like imaginary friends off out in Internet somewhere but we're all real and we have so many shared experiences that we can offer a virtual shoulder to lean on.

Big hugs xxxLouise

 

[Clementine]

Deleted as double posted

 

[lisey]

Hi Lisey, I'm sending you a massive hug, you may feel alone but you are not alone. Losing a baby is such a personal journey only yourself and your OH feel the brunt of the grief. I definitely think that counseling can help once the counsellor is good.
I know a book by Mark Williams called Mindfulness has really helped me with overthinking - I bought the audio version and listened to it whilst I went for a walk. As you had being feeling so ill for ages before you had the miscarriage perhaps some vitamins would help, I normally take each vitamin separately rather than eating a multivitamin, for anxiety all the B Vitamins are good like B Complex, Magnesium, Zinc, Selenium, Coenzyme Q10.
You have been through so much that it is only natural that your mind is in overdrive, also your hormones have gone through a huge fluctuation over the last few weeks. I know I find it hard to share stuff but it's always better when I do.

Ps just read your 2nd post, I think you got the wrong counsellor last time, some counsellors delve into your past but others focus on the here and now and give you techniques for dealing with anxiety etc You can ask the counsellor what method they use and state that all you want is help with the grief you feel surrounding your miscarriages.

You are strong Lisey and the girls on the forum are always here to lend an ear. We may all seem like imaginary friends off out in Internet somewhere but we're all real and we have so many shared experiences that we can offer a virtual shoulder to lean on.

Big hugs xxxLouise

You're right, the grief is only going to be felt between myself and my OH or at least mainly by us, I know our parents are feeling it too. I feel bad for feeling annoyed with my friend, maybe I am directing my frustrations towards her unnecessarily and wrongly because I am overwhelmed with grief and like you say, huge hormonal fluctuations. I was so ill during the pregnancy and I still don't feel back to normal yet, the pregnancy test was still pretty dark a few days ago so still have those hormones lingering. I do feel all over the place and just not myself. I am generally just angry with the world and people (part of grieving process I guess).
Thanks for the tips on the vitamins, I do take a conception multivit (well I was) and co-q10 but will look into the others, I have to check they don't interfere with endometriosis before taking anything.
Maybe it was just the wrong counsellor, I really didn't like her after a couple of sessions and its hard to open up to someone you don't feel comfortable with. I will make an appointment with my GP and ask for a referral but will ask them to specify on the form that I only want the miscarriages addressed during sessions and then they may refer me to the right person. I do think it would help to be able to speak to someone that isn't family, I don't like to worry them by telling them how I feel so better if its someone not emotionally close to me.

I know I have a good support network here, I would be lost without you all through the hardest and happiest times. I hope we all get some of the latter xx

 

[Loubalouba]

Hi Lisey

I am not surprised you are struggling! I was telling my mum your brief story the other day and she said life can be so cruel... And unfair and tough!

I have had a fair bit to contend with in my personal life over the years, my dad was seriously ill for a long time and we nearly lost him on more than a few occasions and then after nearly 3 years and a mc I have really struggled with the whole situation. It all got on top of me last year and I started with anxiety and I am pretty sure depression. I could not focus on work and I did not want to get up in the mornings. I decided I had to do something about it so I decided to try hypnotherapy to help me relax in the tww. The lady was fab, we talked a lot and she really helped me put things in perspective and then after 6 sessions the relief I felt was fab... I finally felt like my old self and so much stronger!

I think counselling is also a great idea but the hypnotherapist said hypnotherapy was better than cognitive therapy as it was a quicker more instant fix and it really was for me!

Just a thought/idea I thought I would share Hun xxx

I hope you find some peace one way or another and soon xxx

 

[lisey]

Hi Lisey

I am not surprised you are struggling! I was telling my mum your brief story the other day and she said life can be so cruel... And unfair and tough!

I have had a fair bit to contend with in my personal life over the years, my dad was seriously ill for a long time and we nearly lost him on more than a few occasions and then after nearly 3 years and a mc I have really struggled with the whole situation. It all got on top of me last year and I started with anxiety and I am pretty sure depression. I could not focus on work and I did not want to get up in the mornings. I decided I had to do something about it so I decided to try hypnotherapy to help me relax in the tww. The lady was fab, we talked a lot and she really helped me put things in perspective and then after 6 sessions the relief I felt was fab... I finally felt like my old self and so much stronger!

I think counselling is also a great idea but the hypnotherapist said hypnotherapy was better than cognitive therapy as it was a quicker more instant fix and it really was for me!

Just a thought/idea I thought I would share Hun xxx

I hope you find some peace one way or another and soon xxx

Thanks so much for your lovely message xx

Life is indeed very cruel
So sorry that you have had a hard time too, I am glad your Dad is ok.
I have thought about hypnotherapy but I expect its quite pricey and I just don't have the money to spare at the moment. I was having acupuncture for fertility reasons and it helped with my mental well-being too so I may go back to that eventually. I have downloaded the marisa peer book that a lot of the ladies on here are loving and she is a hypnotherapist so that may help and maybe there are some relaxation/hypnotherapy downloads can get for ipod xx

 

[rach29]

Im sorry for your loss lisey, i cant begin to imagen how you must be feeling my heart really goes out to you. I'm sorry ive nothing more constructive or posative to say. But just wanted to let you know i cared xxxx

 

[lisey]

Thanks so much Rach xx

 

[ChrissieCool]

I know you don't really know me but when I seen you had got your bfp recently I was so happy for you and to find out you lost another LO breaks my heart, really hope so very much you get your sticky bfp and wanted to send you a big hug xxx

 

[lisey]

Thanks Chrissie, I really appreciate it xx