Feel like ive been in the way for the past 4 years.

[xSebbiesMumx]

I seem to be quite a regular to these parts of the board with my dysfunctional relationship!

Ive taken so much crap in this relationship, i often wonder to myself why am i still here? It all started around 4 years ago..I met his friends and they we're great at the start! (lesbians!), about a year in we suffered a chemical pregnancy..Which knocked us back but we carried on i suppose, he donated sperm to his friends (which is a long complex story, it'll probably still be on the board somewhere if you want to familiarize yourself with it), we suffered yet another chemical before i fell pregnant for the 3rd time with our son. 9 Weeks in i caught my OH chatting up other women, wanting to run away with them and do some right dodgy things..Still turns my stomach thinking about it, after a long talk i decided to forgive and (sort of) forget.

Then about a month ago, he was talking to his friends again and i came across a text message that said that he'd been in love with his other friend for the past 8 years!, my heart just sank after reading that, and then he told her that he never made a move on her because she was his best friend, and then he met me..So then now i feel that i got in the way, if i never would of met him then he probably would of been much happier! Again i chose to ignore that text and look at it as yet another blip! (even to this day i cant forget it!)

Then we got pregnant again last year!, i was over the moon..OH was very reserved as our finances and personal situation wasn't exactly perfect but from the outer edges it look like he was getting to grips with things, and then he spoke to those god awful friends of his!..Everything they say to him he seems to take as gospel, they influenced him!..And in the end i hardly got a say in the matter (Dont want to mention the 'A' word as it'll probably get me in some deep water!)..But it happened and now i resent the both of them!, i just feel that i come second best to them all the time!

Our relationship has never been smooth sailing! Even my own parents tell me i can do way better, they've been against our relationship from the start!. We got engaged after 6 months..What angers me about my parents is they'll say all these awful things about him but will be perfectly civil to his face.

All i seem to regard myself as in this family is a glorified slave! All i do day in and day out is cook, clean, pick up other peoples mess, work, come home, pick up sebastian from nursery and all the other childcare..When talking to anyone he'll make himself out to be the saint in all of this when in all honesty he does jack shit!!, He also suffers from severe depression but to be honest i just think he's using it as an excuse to get out of doing anything!..It is a serious thing but the whole excuse is wearing a little thin now!

And then at the end of all this i made myself a very good friend recently (yes he's a guy!), i think he's great!, he listens to me and cheers me up no end!, at 16 years older! (41)..Well he's quite that bit maturer!..I find myself thinking about him all day..We message each other all the time and things just seem to be going in the right direction!

If my relationship really is up shit creek!, im just terrified of taking that leap!..Leaving him!, having to start the whole 'house' thing all over again!..I really wouldn't want to move back in with my parents as i suppose once you've tasted the taste of independence you really dont want to give it up!, but the only thing ill take away from this house is a tumble dryer, Sebastians bed, a few toys and the clothes on our backs really...

My mind is spinning, sleep is scarce and i am so lost!!

 

[MrsS143]

If youre unhappy... regardless of that other guy... theres too much water under the bridge for you to move on from x

 

[Lyllian]

I agree with above. The thing is, will you ever be happy way things are just now? I'd not (and I do t personally see how you can ever move past everything he's done,youve given him more chances than most!) isn't it worth taking the chance on happiness? Yes it'll be stressful and a hassle at first getting everything sorted,but your life ounds like it is anyway. Least this time there'll be an end in sight and it'll be worth the agro.

You deserve so much more. Don't let anyone treat you like this, ever

 

[Mum2Many]

Have you actually spoken to him about how you feel? About these friends? Etc. I don't know the back story at all, so don't know if you have previously.

You have a child with this man, so you must have been happy at some stage? If I were in your position I would probably try having a frank and honest chat with him one last time. Tell him why you're unhappy, what will fix that unhappiness and ask him how he feels too.

If he's not willing to listen and help make changes to make things good for you all, then I'd move on and never look back. Life is too short to be unhappy and feel the way you feel. Even if you end up back at home with your parents, it'll only be temporary until you sort yourself out.

 

[WishingHoping]

Darling,

Clearly your mind is made up.

If your hubby was the man for you, you wouldn't even think about looking at another man & the same goes for him with other women.

Sometimes things happen for a reason (very hard to understand when I've recently lost twins but it's true) bad things fall apart so great things can fall together.
I really think you know & need to leave him.

You live once hun, you don't want to wake up one day at 65 & think why didn't I take the leap?
You have to be selfish in life & do what makes you happy especially if your husband is being a complete and utter knob head!

I was in a violent relationship before my OH & it only took the 50th/60th time he put his hands on me & the 30th/40th time he cheated for me to see I needed to leave him. I still loved him (warped mind or what?!) but I needed to leave for my own sanity! It hurt & at times I wondered if I made the right decision but I look back now & going through such a shitty time makes us. We're women & strong ones at that.

I always think "if I was to die tomorrow would I be happy with the life I've lived?" If I can't say yes then something has to change.

Xx

 

[MrsS143]

Wise words WishingHoping x

 

[Lyllian]

Very wise words indeed xxx

 

[northerngirl]

Agreeing with the other ladies, very rarely do I give such a definite opinion on things but it seems very clear that your heart isn't in this relationship, and that's very understandable after the way you've been treated.
He has wronged you badly on more than one occasion so I think you'd be very justified in leaving anyway, but particularly if you're feelings have changed and someone has come into your life who makes you happy and treats you well.
I can understand it's so horrible and scary to leave a home when you have very little in terms of money or posessions to leave with, but these are things that can be built up and obtained over time. Do you think you would be able to obtain happiness if you stay with this man?
I think when the time is right you will know what to do, and maybe when you have a plan in place you will have the confidence to leave, but you deserve happiness and that's the key thing.
Wishing you lots of luck xo