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Feel awful for writing this.

alouisebx

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Sorry for writing this I just have no where else to vent it. I had my LO on the 23rd of April this year. At first I was okay, tired as I hadn't slept for 4/5 days but I coped well. I've been staying with my mum and due to go home tomorrow. But I just don't feel right. I feel distant from my baby, she doesn't settle for me but will do for my OH, mum or dad. I don't wake up when she cries at night even though her Moses basket is right next to me. My OH has to physically wake me up. I just feel I can't do it. I'm scared to be going home as I know I'm on my own then as OH is at work. What if she doesn't stop crying for me? And what if I can't do it?

I feel down and helpless and I'm taking it out on everyone closest to me. I can't eat, I can't sleep and my mind won't stop racing. I just don't want to have to do this right now. Is that an awful thing to say? :(
 
It's not an awful thing to say, having a baby is a life changing moment and doesn't always feel & go the way it's says it will in books etc
Please speak to you health visitor or GP though as you don't want it festering into something worse.
It will get better & it's ok to let people know you are struggling honestly x
 
Yep don't feel bad at all hun, but definatly tell someone how your feeling. If you don't want to tell your family then defo speak to health visitor or go and they will be able to offer some support xxxxx
 
Awww sweetie have a :hug:

Having a baby is overwhelming, its such a huge event and completely life changing. You are not the only one to ever feel like this so don't beat yourself up over it.

If you are struggling then you must ask for help. Maybe see if hubby can get a little more time off work or if your mum could pop over to help you out. Either way, don't struggle through alone. I refused to ask for help but I totally would if we had another- i would have all the help I could get!

Hope you feel better soon

XX
 
It's come on gradually though over the two weeks I've been at my mums. At first she was amazing, I enjoyed every moment with her. But now I'm finding no enjoyment. I don't resent her, I just don't find enjoyment in anything I'm doing. I really can't do it. I'm going home today and if I can't do it at my mums where I'm getting plenty of help. What am I going to do when I go home? I don't really want to talk to my mum or the HV as I'm scared they may take her off me. :( I really do just feel hopeless.

Thankyou for replying ladies :hugs:
 
They won't take her off you! What you're feeling is totally normal. Having a baby is scary and overwhelming so it's important youhave plenty of support available. Would your mum be able to come round and help out/keep you company a couple hours a day once you're home? Can your OH call you during his work day? Talk to your HV so they can help you; it's what they are there for. I was terrified of my OH going back to work, but you do get used to it.
 
I was reading an article the other day if I find it I will post the link. It was about mums bonding with their babies and apparently when they conducted a survey they found that some women took up to nine weeks before they found they could bond with their babies. What your feeling is totally normal as everyone says just give yourself time Hun and def tell people how you feel so you can get support. I will have a good dig today and see if I can find what I was reading. Xxx
 
How are you feeling babes? Have you spoken to anybody? It is really important to speak about how you feel so that people can help you, you shouldn't struggle alone xxx
 
Hello, sorry I haven't replied sooner it's been a busy few weeks. Well my OH is going to speak to the HV next time she comes to say he's worried as him and my family think I may have PND or something similar. I'm feeling okay, not better as with her having reflux now it seems all she does is cry with pain and I can't take it away. It pains me as I can't make her better. I'm taking each day as it comes and some are easier than others. Hope your all okay. Xx
 
Hi just wanted to ask if you've tried Cow & Gate anti-reflux milk? We went through 4 Milks before this one, but now Zoë is so much happier, is sick a lot less and has slept through the night the last two weeks!

Hugs xx
 
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Just read this and wanted to c how u r and hope u r ok? I had PND with my first and it really us best to get help sooner rather than later (I didn't and think it took me longer to get over it because of that!) They won't take her off of u hun- I worried too but they do everything they can to keep you together! Hope u r alright xxx
 
Problem is she's already so constipated and the milk will only make it worse I fear. Atm were doing gaviscon feeds at night and she's being weighed twice a week as her weight gain is still good. She's such a good sleeper and I think that's due to colic. Although she seems all congested atm so trying saline drops as she struggles to breathe at night and wakes herself up. My mums had her for the last two nights (and we've had her in the day ofc!) to give me and my OH time to be a couple again, which was lovely. I didn't realise how much it affected him me being so anxious and depressed, so I need to get this sorted so I can be a better mummy and a better girlfriend.

I've learnt ways of coping however I still struggle. I just don't know really what I'm doing most days but I don't go back to work till July so hoping it'll all be sorted by then. Xxx
 
I had baby blues a few days after LM was born and didnt want to leave hospital for fear of everything basically lol. It eased of after a couple of weeks and with support and help from my mum I managed to start being able to do the 'mum' things lol. She would come to my house while OH was at work so I had company to take my mind off things. I thought Id gone insane and told my OH I was sure they were going to put me in our local psychiatric ward!

What Ive learnt and had to tell myself is that for some women the postnatal period is what we imagine and hope for it to be- love at first sight, managing well with night feeds and enjoying them. But for some, like myself its more of a bumpy adjustment to being a mum. I seemed to forget the fact I had just had major surgery, was poorly with blood loss and mastitis and was sleep reprived. Basically I had to stop beating myself up about it and almost sort of punishing myself for not being happy and smiley and feeling guilty. I think hormones also have alot to do with it too!

Dont be so hard on yourself, they wont take baby away from you. Baths with baby are a really good way to bond, lots of skin-to-skin helps. Xx
 

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