I can really relate to how you are feeling.
I too was a dancer and i too had a problem with eating. I kept getting turned down from all sorts of auditions and competitions and my dance teacher suggested to my mum that she put me on a diet... i think i was about 12 at the time. My mum was disgusted as i was a healthy weight and i got very unhappy at the dance school due to all the pressure of loosing the weight... i just wanted to dance! she withdrew me from the school and i started to use my time up doing other things people my age were doing. By the time i was 14 i had developed a serious eating problem... i wouldn't admit to being anorexic... not to anybody. But i started restricting what i was eating. I went down to 1200 calories, then 1000, then 800, then 600... you can see how this is getting worse! I started restricting myself to only one apple which had to last me both breakfast and lunch and then having the smallest amount of tea possible... sometimes none. I was very confused and unhappy with myself... never really satisfied that i looked how i wanted to. This carried on... on and off until i was 18.
When i met my husband everything changed for me... Somehow he had a way of making me feel just perfect. My confidence grew and for the first time in my life i wasn't counting calories. I don't think having an eating problem ever really goes away and it will always be in the back of my mind that i know just what to do to lose the weight, however now i also know that i do not want my daughter ever experiencing this, i do not want it to control my life the way it did as i want to spend the rest of my years caring for my gorgeous little girl.
i've gained about four stone in my whole pregnancy... my belly is covered in stretch marks and currently looks like a road map! It's really hard to adjust to your changed shape i understand that. I am worried about loosing the weight afterwards but i am not going to let it take away from any of the focus that i will have on my baby and our new family life. I will not let it control my life ever again.
I didn't want to steal your thread just wanted you to know that there are people out there who understand how you feel. It does get better and easier to deal with i promise.
If you ever need to chat you can always pm me
wishing you all the best in your pregnancy and loving your new shape!
xxx