Family problems-brother.

[violet13]

Well as I've posted before about my mum having cancer (stage one good chance of curing it) I recently had to tell my brother because he didn't know and we fell out in June, we have sort of made up but he's now pestering my mum texting her showing pictures of the kids etc who he stopped her seeing. He hasn't bothered with mum in 3 years after borrowing a lot of money and refused to pay it back and then kicked off down the phone at her and said he didn't want to speak to her again. Now I'm having a baby and he's been jealous of me since we where kids he's 12 years older than me and came out with a nasty comment about me being the special one the golden child. Now Because I am having a baby he's even worse because mum knows I wouldn't stop her from seeing my child I want her to be involved in his life yet my brother hasn't bothered for a long time he has taken on his missus two other children but my mum has said she has one grandchild biologically yes she did but I'm a bit stuck now how do I tell him to back off and leave her be for a while during her therapy? I don't know what to do. xxx

 

[Lolie14]

Illnesses like this can bring families back together. Maybe your brother is feeling the guilt and wants to make amends? If I were you I would be the one backing off añd letting your brother back in - you don't wañt to be the one responsible for keeping them apart. Just be there for your mum in a supportive role.

 

[violet13]

I have tried but considering he keeps lying about everything including telling his wife a load of lies too he's painted my mum as a monster and hurt her so much she's said herself she doesn't trust him it's always about money with him so even though I have taken steps back he's still pushing her too far and she's getting really angry about it. Xx

 

[summer15]

Family troubles are always a sensitive area - I think Lolie is right though, if you get yourself too involved you could end up making it worse for them and yourself. I know this is a vulnerable time for your mum and naturally you feel protective but he is her son and any issues they have should be sorted out between the 2 of them. I think the most helpful thing you can do is just be there as an ear/shoulder for your mum if she wants to talk things through - but don't try and be an intermediatry it will just get messy - and you don't need the stress during this stage of pregnancy
Xxx

 

[kumber]

I think you should just stay well out of it. I can understand why you want to protect your mom during her illness but their relationship is between him and your mom, no one else. If he becomes too much for her, she is adult enough to decide for herself whether she wants him around her. He knows now which is the main thing but I don't think you can keep him away from her, it has to come from her.

 

[violet13]

True, it's just a lot to deal with since he's been saying nasty things about me too. I found out why he's in touch it's not that she's ill it's because I'm having a baby and well he cut my mum off and stopped her seeing the kids so he can't really have it both ways can he? Xxx

 

[kumber]

No he can't, but I don't think it's your place to get involved. It's difficult to give advice when we're only getting a small view of the bigger picture but you're heavily pregnant and, to be blunt, you don't need the stress. I totally understand you want to look after your mom but your priority needs to be you and bubs now. Let your mom deal with your brother, she's been doing it all his life and may not appreciate your help, even when it's very well intended.

 

[violet13]

True, I think I'm just peed off cause I always have to be the mature one, the one who looks after everyone because he can't act like an adult or a man. Thanks for the advice ladies xxx