Family have me at the end of my tether!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mel0013]

sorry but i really really need to rant any advice would be appreciated though as u r all brilliant and as u can guess from the time of my post i cant wind down and sleep!

a while ago i put up a post 'please help with my overbearing family' they continuously made comments and were forever trying to tell me what to do regarding my pregnancy/baby. It is still going on but now instead of upsetting me it just gets me really freaking angry.

today i was sat with a sister watching tv and my baby started kicking, i lifted my t shirt so i could watch my belly jiggling (i love it) and straight away she started counting my stretch marks with many comments of 'look at the state of them' 'oh my god theyre PURPLE' and 'uve got soooooo many'. she also CONTINUOUSLY comments that MY bump is small no matter how many times i tell her that my midwaife says its measuring exactly where it should be (this doubly winds me up because she has an obsession with being skinny and not one of her pregnancies got as big as mine). she said that my having 'SPD is MY fault because i wasnt strong enough stomach muscles prepregnancy'!!!!!!!! this made me so angry i actually felt sick for minute. lastly and most hysterically funny she told me that i should use always LIGHTS (thats not a typo) after birth for the bleeding!!!!!!!!

My family dont dare say anything like this infront of my partner (hes a fair bit older than me and not afraid to rock the boat) they all wait till im own my own, then pick pick pick and its driving me mad. ive really started getting to the stage where ive had enough of being quiet to keep the peace and im just going to tell them to shut there frigging holes.

 

[millielaura]

Sorry to hear they are being like this! You definitely need to sit down and have a chat with them all. It's your pregnancy and you just want to enjoy it without snidey comments from your sister that make you feel down etc. And just explain to them you feel as if they're getting at you and how much it upsets you etc.

You shouldn't have to put up with that! Have you told them how upset/angry its making you previously? Is it a case of maybe they don't realise how much they're getting to you?

I hope you get it all sorted soon xxx

 

[mel0013]

unfortunately i am one of those stupid people who say nothing and just bottle it up - a habit i got stuck in as the youngest sister i got used to being talked at and told to shut up and listen alot!

my sister is really not easy to talk to. she doesnt listen, takes offence really easily and i mean it literally no exageration when i say i have absolutely no memory of her ever saying sorry or admitting that she was wrong. its like she thinks its a weakness.

this puts me off saying anything about it as i would end up feeling pushed into the position of either backing down (again) which would give her the impression that she was right and i was wrong (which would be worse than the current situation) or we would end up having an argument and falling out (making family life awkward as we live in a small town and she can be an incredibly mean and catty person).

 

[millielaura]

Aw I'm really sorry she's like that towards you

I know it'l be so hard and obviously you shouldn't have to but could you maybe let your sisters comments just wash over you and only half listen. Take everything she says with a pinch lf salt and try not to take it to heart? I know thats easier said than done!

I can see why you get really angry though. It seems as if she is trying to interfere a bit also? If she tries that when baby is here then just keep nicely reminding her that it is yours and OH's baby and that you appreciate her being so involved but she needs to let you do things how you like, something like that?

Try your best to let the snidey comments pass over you, maybe shes jealous? If shes used to you not having so much attention and now you will do that could be it? Sisters are funny sometimes lol no matter how old they are. Sorry I couldn't be more help but I hope she starts being nicer soon! Xx

 

[JoS]

I had a similar situation recently when I bent over, my top lifted up a bit and my sister said "Blimey look at all them stretch marks, there's loads and they look awful"
I just ignored her when what I actually wanted to say was "your much fatter than me and haven't even had kids!"

But like you I stayed quiet for an easy life, to avoid an argument and keep the peace in the family, but it wound me up for ages afterwards.
I've been telling myself lately when she says things like this, as its not a one off, that people who are negative and nasty to other are normally insecure about themselves. Or maybe shes jealous of you, its def common between siblings!

Just try and remember you are growing a beautiful baby inside and doing a great job with it, who cares about stretch marks when you'll have a lovely little family soon.

 

[mel0013]

thank u for ur replies i ended up having a chat with my mum about ait. funnily enough she said the same thing u have been suggesting - shes jealous!!!!! this is ridiculous though as she has 4 gorgeous girls (all look like little blonde greek goddess'), shes renting lovely 4 bedroom house, shes recently gotten married to a good man who cooks and cleans and helps with the kids, shes getting a new car at the end of this month, she always has nice clothes and can afford to keep a horse!!! what the hell she's got to be unhappy about is beyond me and just adds to my sense of frustration with her!!

my mum then reminded me that she is going to turn forty this year while ive only just turned 27, she could well be unhappy and insecure about getting older. one half of me is sympathetic as none of us look forward to getting older but the other half is saying tough it happens to everyone but we dont all take it out on others. im not sure how to treat her now though?!?!?!

 

[millielaura]

Def sounds like she is jealous then, she's probably jealous that your still young and that your going through this really exciting time with a new baby etc and she might feel like thats all over for her? And you being pregnant shows her she's getting older etc. But I agree it happens to everyone like it or not and it's totally not fair she's taking it out on you like this when you need her help. Maybe your mum could have a chat to her? Not sure if that's an option? xx

 

[mel0013]

i wouldnt ask my mum to talk to her as like i said in an earlier post she cannot ever admit that shes wrong or say sorry. i think ill just try to bear in mind that she is speaking out of jealousy and i'll try not to let her bother me so much. if thats how she wants to be i wont play ball ill let her get bored of winding me up and try it with someone else. i might even try and stay away from her for a bit.

 

[millielaura]

Yeah sounds a good idea if no one at all can reason with her, just ignore it and let it all wash over hopefully she'l settle down soon! xx

 

[ClimbingRose]

Its good your mum admitted shes jealous, but she should be supportive! Your sister sounds like shes really trying to undermine your confidence, thats nasty.
To be honest if I was you, I'd keep my distance from anyone who's negative towards you during pregnancy, its likely to continue when you are a parent, and you dont need it. Sometimes we just cant have the close relationships we want with some family members, and its just a case of being friendly and keeping the peace, but keeping the distance for the sake of your mental health and self worth, family can be very mean and really wear you down like no-one else can.
I have similar problems in my family with jealousy and snide remarks, I get picked on alot, so I just see my mum maybe once every fortnight or 3 weeks, and its pleasant, but anymore than that, and the snide remarks can start to surface!

 

[mel0013]

Its good your mum admitted shes jealous, but she should be supportive! Your sister sounds like shes really trying to undermine your confidence, thats nasty.
To be honest if I was you, I'd keep my distance from anyone who's negative towards you during pregnancy, its likely to continue when you are a parent, and you dont need it. Sometimes we just cant have the close relationships we want with some family members, and its just a case of being friendly and keeping the peace, but keeping the distance for the sake of your mental health and self worth, family can be very mean and really wear you down like no-one else can.
I have similar problems in my family with jealousy and snide remarks, I get picked on alot, so I just see my mum maybe once every fortnight or 3 weeks, and its pleasant, but anymore than that, and the snide remarks can start to surface!

ur situation sounds scarily similar to mine! my mum is great she just gets a little crabby sometimes due to other issues but she has always said throughout my pregnancy that im looking really good with it and absolutely glowing!

keeping my distance sounds a good idea but is difficult as we live a 10 min walk away in the same small town! i think when the baby is here i will tell everyone the best time to visit is when my partner is here as well and i'll just hide with the curtains shut and pretend im sleeping when she comes knocking!!!

 

[lisey]

I understand what you mean about avoiding confrontation with your sister, my sister has come out with insensitive comments to me before (I know she doesn't mean malice though) and I just stay quiet as we would fall out. We did once before for a couple of years.
It does sound like a jealousy thing, I always find that the people who feel the need to belittle or make others feel down, usually don't feel good in themselves. It could well be an age thing but like you say, it happens to us all and not really a reason to be nasty.
I think you're doing the right thing by deciding to keep your distance, hopefully she will come to her senses and realise why you are not spending so much time with her x

 

[mel0013]

update: she came round today and i watched what she said and how she said more than before........................... i have a small scab on my left ear lobe with a small birthmark which she has never noticed before.................. she did today and i quote "oh my god look at it" "it looks like a bloody great big blister uuuuurrrggghhh"

this is gonna be a huge challenge but somehow im going to have to find a way of not letting it bother me. how do u stop nasty comments that are designed to undermine ur confidence from bothering u, how infact do i let it go over my head instead of stewing and getting mad and upset!!!!!!! how do i become the proverbial ducks back?

lisey u r so right people do belittle others to make themselves feel better.

 

[kumber]

Blimey, if she's going to notice something small like that then she clearly doesn't have enough to do with her time! I would pity her, what a silly thing to notice, but what a compliment to you that she's paying such attention to you




.

 

[ClimbingRose]

I say dont invite her around! Make excuses when you're alone, and like you said before, just allow her to visit when OH is there to stand up for you/she wont do it.

 

[mel0013]

defo the way to go climbing rose. this is my second pregnancy (miscarried a couple of years ago at about 8 weeks) and has not been without its problems (all of which she has known about) its going to be tough enough going through labour and becoming a mum without having to deal with idiotic comments so if shes not going to be supportive im not going to have her around me making things more difficult x