Family AARRRGGHHHH

[suzzi]

I have a bit of a dilema, my 'brother in law' hates me!

bit of back ground i met and married my husband 2002 we had problmes and got divorced had been apart for 3 years when we decided we still loved each other and got back together, all going great!! my family have been great, all through divorce never said bad word about him, spoke to him, took him birthday/christmas cards. however his brother has done nothing but slag me off to everyone that will listen, he's even done it on my kids facebook , the thing is i dont really know him as we didnt have much to do with him or his wife x

the thing is now im pregnant, which he is yet to learn, its really getting me down, he preaches to my OH whenever he sees him and tells him hes beter off alone, ive not seen him yet but think if i do ill blow my top at him.

i dont need this stress while im pregnant but its really getting to me x x

 

[Zazu]

Your husband needs to speak to him and tell him to butt out, he has made his decision to be with you so his brother needs to accept it, it's not fair on all of you. As for slagging u off to your kids, that is completely out of order! Hope you sort this out soon xxx

 

[suzzi]

me and OH have little disagreement about it whenever it crops up and i keep having to tell OH its not me with the problem but he hasnt got it yet!! thing is i think he feels stuck as his brother is his only family and he was there for him when we split up, which i understand but life moves on. told OH if his brother wanst to be in babies life then he needs to accept me first.

 

[MrsR]

The problem here is that when you split up your DH probably whinged, whined, complained etc to his brother about you and that's what his brother will remember. He'll remember everything that was said and how his brother felt. Yes he should, perhaps, put it in the past and be happy that he's happy but it's not always that easy. Id try to understand and see it from the brothers pov, especially if they're very close

 

[suzzi]

yeah i understand what OH has said when he's been sounding off, ive done the same as does everyone when their hurt and angry. but why make trouble now? my family can act with dignity and not slag him off to the kids and friends. (there was no one else involved when we split)

dont understand why he wants to cause trouble, surely he should be there for my OH and support his decision as does my family.

 

[MrsR]

Yeah he def should but I imagine it must be very difficult for him as it is for you. Could you perhaps arrange for you all to go out maybe-offer the olive branch?

 

[suzzi]

lol offer an olive branch, think he'd hit me with it x he's not the sort of person to reason with its his way or no way at all unfortunatley. my OH invited them over but he wont take up the offer. my OH has been out with him and his wife and friends but im not invited, then all he does is annoy my OH by preaching at him. feel i cant and never will win, think i could handle it if i wasnt pregnant but emotions are all over the place one day im crying about it the next i want to rip him head off!!

 

[MrsR]

Aw no well I'm out of ideas. Sorry

 

[PinkPanther]

Sounds like he needs to grow up to me.

Your OH, has made a decision and he should respect it. The thing that would pee me off most though is that's he's involving the children. It's not fair and for that I would be having words. If your OH isn't going to do it then it's upto you. Contact him through whatever means you have to and tell him that you won't tolerate that behaviour from him.

I know it's likely to cause arguments, but involving the kids is childish and unecessary.

 

[suzzi]

thanks pink panther x think i'll see what happens once he knows about the baby maybe that will make him grow up x he is 43 married no kids and acts like a 16 year old so not holding out much hope of a mature conversation, not going to confront him while im pregnant as ill flip at him if he has a go and not stressing myself or baby out for him, maybe by Nov he will have come round a bit. hes got 2 choses at the end of the day.