I'm sorry if this freaks people out - this is not usual for women goin to midwife bookin in appointments - I just had a particularly horrendous experience having my son a few years ago and now am discovering the full pelt of obstetric paranoia relating to eclampsia and vbacs....apologies if i scare anyone but i am scared too....
It's been ten years
Yes I had an emergency c-section, Yes I'm lucky to be alive and Yes I nearly carked it but FFS!!!!!!
There is no evidence to suggest that my scar will pop open unless they give me really strong induction drugs.
There is a slight increased chance to me gettin Eclampsia again because tis a new partner but even so chances of me gettin it so early in the pregnancy are incredibly slim.. we are talkin bout it hittin at 34+ weeks.. i can handle that.. thats copable with.. 2 weeks of bedrest and then see where we go but I can handle that!
What I can't handle and what is making me poo myself though is that the midwife we saw yesterday wrote ? Bath on my notes when i distinctly told her i don't want to go into Bath for anything let alone to have my baby unless my life or the babies is at risk!
NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I need to see the consultant to discuss it all through with him rationally ?!?!?!
Why???
So he can convince me it would be safer for my baby and me to be in the RU stinking H.. am not going!
If they want me to see a consultant then he can come to Frome cos am not goin anywhere near the hospital in Bath.. why? cos as soon as i see someone there they will book me in there and then my choice to have my baby at home or in the midwife unit will be gone forever.. they ain't havin me that easily!
She said they won't refuse to support me in Frome but it would be going against best medical practice.. to hell with best medical practice what about BEST SARAH PRACTICE!!!!!
Seriously they are mutterin bout my blood pressure bein a problem - its 110 over 74.. thats good and low for me "oh but if it goes high you will need to be in Bath"..
Well you dozy mare if you carry on stressin me out like this about having to have my baby in the RUH then yes it will probably send my blood presure sky high and my chances of having a Vaginal birth will be diminished.
I can't take it again.. I can't go through the mental nightmare of having that experience ripped away from me - i am not over the first one - i am still massively mentally scarred from it all despite counselling and much home work on my part. Oh I got some serious drawing (going with the Birthing from Within birth art approach) i need to do about this fear believe you me.. at the moment in my minds eye all i can see is me in the middle of labour struggling like billyo cos they got me all wired up and monitored to hell with some ghastly consultant standing with a knife and a manic grin on his face waiting for my blood pressure to go high enough with the stress so that he can legitamatley slice me.... not having me that easily!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See my fear and my ultimate defensiveness on this issue should be enough for any midwife to go "woah ok this lady got some serious issues with consultant units"
Get to see my actual midwife in 3 weeks so am gonna try and calm down between now and then and put forward my case to her in a rational way. I can and will be having this baby in Frome unless my blood pressure goes up and i have to go to Bath for the extra care.
I not being unreasonable.. I just want a chance to do this my way please!!!
please
please
please
but in 3 weeks we'll get to hear the heartbeat 
feelin uber protective of my rights right now...
