****this is my blog from last week****
Nov 5 2006, 11:47 AM
Been really low th last few days. And i cant really put my finger on why exactly. The pregnancy last 2 weeks has been harder than ever before. Even tho im well into the second trimester it should be where i 'bloom' and have energy and all that jazz. Well it aint happening as of yet I just feel like crying, i feel huge and ugly and i keep getting bladder infections one after the other.. And its only gonna get worse. I feel sceard too. My mum scares me alot, altho i know she dosnt mean to at all.... i dont think she relises what shes doing. When i talk about the labour she seems to bring up a tradigy that happened to her in the 60s. She was ignored and the docs thought she was 'off her head' when she went into labour and she gave birth on her own 3 months premeture. The baby died. She is obviously still upset and angery (she never got an appoligy from the hospital) and starts crying and stuff. She also lost a baby (Brian) that at 6 months old died of cot death on holloween.
Dont know if i menchened it in this blog but a while ago my sister got the fertilised eggs implanted and she had a waiting time of 2 weeks to find out if she was pregnant. Well she isnt. I still havent seen her (her choice) but she sent some 'pregnant' magazines around. My mum says she coping well.
I go upset so much the other day because my sister is trying to make me mum promise that if i went into labour on her wedding day that our mum would stay with her. - i want my mum as my birthing partner - and my m\um wouldnt promise me she would come. I went hysterical...
Im actually crying when i write this. Sopose its good to get it all out eh? When darren asks whats wrong i never even have a good answer. i seem to be biteing his head of recently and i really really dont mean to - im sceard he'll 'have enough' and go back to glasgow (deep down i dont think he will - but life does have a habbit of being cruel dosnt it??)
*has stopped cryingg now* - bloody hell... do feel better now after a good sob.
I keep having horrid nightmares as well. Really horrid.
*****
deffinatly emotinal...
