Dont know weither i still love him as i did do?

[Flossy82]

I never thought that i would say this or even post anything like this but im not even sure now if im still in love with my o/h anymore not like i used to be our arguments seem to become more frequent and he can be really cruel sometimes and it terribly hurts my feelings i know i can be pretty much the same sometimes but i always say sorry afterwards and he never seems to bother to he told me a little while ago he couldnt imagine being married to someone who's going to be sulky an miserable all the time and its made me feel really down. he seems to have changed so much and wsasnt like the person who i first met. and i really dont know what to do for the best anymore and if i dont find a solution soon i dont know where we wil end up? if you read my other post on (Not sure where to post this) in the off topic section i also have that on my mind he thinks that if it were to turn out that i were ever pregnant (not so likely though) he said he would feel cheated and would make me get rid but if i ever (and it were the case) that i was and kept it he would leave me. mt head seems to go round in circles and i cant put up with things being like this i really love him thats the silly thing but if things carry on ending up like this (or as they have been) then i dont know.

 

[Strangeness]

A lot changes when you have a new baby around as you probably already know so there could be a lot of built up tension between you. I can imagine you'll be very tired and have every right to feel down! But at the end of the day there is no need for your oh to say those things to you, he needs to support you not battle with you. Think you should sit down with him and try and talk things through. I know it's not easy to do but it can get things out in the open about how you both feel rather than just argue. Hope it works out hun

 

[violet-glow]

I cant really add to what Strangeness has said because I think the same thing. Seems liek all your OHs doing right now is pushing you away, at a time when he should be drawing you closer. I hope it all works out for you, thinking of you ((huge hugs))

 

[hannahbet20]

my oh can be creul sometimes, what he said about you being pregnant is not fair its a joint decision if you wanted to keep the baby if you were its up to you no man should make you choose, you need tell him how you feel have it out with him, sometimes me and my oh have arguments like this and he doesnt really mean some of the things he says i have felt more than one occasion ive wanted nothing to do with my oh anymore people change when they have babies, talk to him but i think hes being out of order and you should let him know that.
i hope things work out ok always up for a chat

 

[Tam]

I hope you work things out hun, and start feeling better soon!!! xx

 

[claireabell]

Hi hunnie,

I agree with the other posts. Men can be t***s at times, especially at times when we need them the most. I think when a new baby arrives men feel a little neglected and lost. My ex partner and pregnancy aren't a good combination at all and they can say some really cruel things. You need to think about your relationship and work out what is you're really wanting from your relationship. Sometimes it just takes one of the parties to do something spontanious (sorry about the spelling) to put a spark back into the relationship and to make sure you set aside time on together without the children.
My partner and I are now seperated but that is nothing to do with my pregnancy, we were together 11 years and I think after a while you can get in a rut, but we used to try and make sure that never happened, unfortunately we had too many problems with his ex and their teenage daughter that I couldn't cope with and I chose to end the relationship, whether that was the best idea i've ever had time will tell , Hopefully you and your partner will be able to talk and resolve any issues you have. Have you considered trying relate? Some people think its a waste of time but with others it really helps.
Anyway hunnie, here's hoping this finds you safe, well and happier.
Love n hugs
Claire
xxxxx

 

[emilia]

Oh dear Flossy.... I'm so sorry you're feeling poo about all this. I think you've got a lot on your plate. New baby, hormones, worries,etc. Our relationships always take a wee bit of a bruising at times like this. Don't be too hard on yourself. Why don't you leave the kids with OH's parents and go out for a walk or something.... just you and OH?

I hope you work things out.

Emilia xx

ps. Your OH is probably saying these things because he is also feeling a bit out of sinc.... try and talk things through - it's worth trying at least.

 

[JMC]

Me & Keira had a chat about this ages...

You get people that are so in Love for the first 3 months off.. Oh it will last forever its the best

Yeh fair enough, it probably is great ! Its amazing when you first start out with your partner, you learn new things from them everyday and can always interest you

But once it starts gettin to like the 4th month thats when you well and truely are in a long term relationship... And thats when your fate is decided

Can you still be with someone who keeps you up all night cryin?

Can you forgive them when they do really bad things?

When you both hate each other can you turn the hate into Love and confort each other at your moment of need?

Or... do you walk away when the going gets tough? If so go get another g/f or b/f and in 4 months time you will be in the same boat as them !

Its an adult relationship, it goes way past your partner being attractive etc. Its all about having a life time companion. Can 1 month of mysery sum up the 50 years that follow that?

I went to a weddin yesterday and after he married my sister he gave them some advice

He said Love is like elastic which has no boundries. It can only ever be stretched and when it does stretch you must stretch with it.

If you dont then it will snap this was you even in Love in the first place?

Sorry to ramble on, but people who say their in Love with their partner... is that because they have had 2 years without any serious arguments? What happens when you do argue for a month none stop? Does that mean you arnt right for each other?

NO !! Thats the elastic of love stretching... Stretch with it otherwise it will snap

I think this backs up the theory that arguing is good for a relationship. You will become kinda immune to it after a while and learn to accept thats whats involved.

Going back on topic... as for you and your partner ermm yeh you are going through some hard times, but you are only human. Its naturally to point the blame on each other for being myserable or what ever. You gotta rise above it, focus on your self a bit more. Make sure your happy.

When you are happy I'm sure your other half will become happier... because you wont be upset and he wont think your being miserable

Does all that make sense?

Instead of trying to say well I have every right to be miserable and you dont... so its your fault. Then him turning around saying well yeh you make me miserable etc!!

Why not just skip all that and just go out with your friends? Shopping... Pictures... wherever !! Then when you come in give your OH a big kiss, tell him you;ve missed him and hopefully he will say the same...

Being in each others faces or going to sleep on an argument is only going to make things worse

Good Luck anyway

 

[emilia]

Compromising.... something that is all to often forgotten in our relationships.
I think I have met my soulmate, but to continue making it work - we HAVE to compromise with one another. We argue too, but we forgive equally!

Now, a little bit of good advice a friend once said to me....
"The man you marry in your 20's, is very different to the man you WANT to marry in your 30's!" Now there's food for thought!

If you've ever read John Grays' "Men are from Mars.......", you may have come accross the bit where he explains this...
"When a guy marries his true love, the thinks... Ahhh she's so gorgeous,etc, I hope she never changes...
When a woman marries her true love, she thinks ..... Right, what can I change about him"
It's funny but true. As woman we continue to flourish and always searching for more, where as men are more likely to be happy with what they have and search for far less.

Along with compromising, comes acceptance. We've become so intollerant and almost selfish to some extent. We shouldn't have to put up with this, that and another......we can go on and on about all the things that bug us, etc!!! We have to accept the person we have a partnership with the way he/she is. Changes come gratually with life experience.

Sorry, I'm babbling a bit too much here! Sound like an old fuddy duddy! What will I know - only been married for 15 years!!
Nuts hey?

Emilia xx