don't know how i feel about a second child

[Shepherdess]

Is there anyone here who was an only child and loved it?

In general I've never heard anyone say they wished they'd been an only child but I've heard people say they wished they had brothers and sisters.

My lo is just over two and we are debating a second child. I adore our LG and we have the best time together. She gets all my attention and we do so much together. I get myself so worried that if I had another we couldn't do as much together and I hate the idea of having to share myself

I think she would benefit massively from having a sibling. She's shy with others and I think it would help.

She was a tough baby, she had bad colic and only just started sleeping through the night at xmas. I'm terrified I can't cope with another child. My oh loves our daughter but he found it tough when she was a baby to and in honesty wasn't the best help.

I just love my little girl so much and I just don't know what I want

Can anyone offer advice on what made them want more then one child? I always thought I wanted two or three but since having her Id be just as happy devoting my time to. I just want her to be happy

 

[KHTW]

I could have writtent this myself... My LO is 20months and she is our world! I absolutely adore her and if I could I'd be spending every minute of every day with her. Sometimes I can't imagine being able to love another child this much and I wonder if I'd be taking some of that love away from my daughter.

I am an only child. Honestly when I was younger I never regreted not having sibilings but the older you get the more you realise that apart from your mum and dad you really don't have anyone else (family wise). And I don't want that for my daughter.

We will be trying for no 2 from October. I am worried about a lot of things. Will my LO sleep thrpugh the night by the time baby comes. Will she be potty trained. Will she like the baby. Will she feel left out. Etc etc... BUT I decided that this is just soemthing we will have to find out x

 

[kumber]

Slightly different situation for us in the DS1 was a dream but DS2 was an awfully hard baby. We're only just coming out of the struggle and he's nearly 2 and having lovely two year old tantrums!

We had to really debate over a third baby as we didn't want another baby like DS2. We love him to pieces but I think another hard baby would drive us both to the very edge of insanity! As it was, we felt that we weren't ready to stop and we really wanted a third child to complete the family. We had hoped to have a girl, but we're over the moon with our blue bundle as it will be three brothers very close in age growing up together which just warms my heart. When we lost little pickle with an early mc, it very much sealed the deal for both of us that we wanted another baby, regardless of the risk of another difficult baby stage.

I'm an only child and there were lots of advantages and disadvantages; however, as an adult I do wish I had a sibling. I don't have the greatest relationship with my mom, and my dad has been basically AWOL since I was 2, so I don't really have anyone I can confide in. I have very close cousins, and wonderful friends, but it's not quite the same.

At the end of it, you need to decide what's best for your family and your LO. Yes, there is a risk of a difficult baby but that stage doesn't last forever and it's lovely seeing siblings interact. On the flip side, you may prefer to give all your time, attention and devotion to your daughter as she's very shy and might need extra support and that's ok too.

Sorry, that's probably not really very helpful!

 

[MrsS15]

Hey,

Our situation is diffierent but I'll tell you anyway. Our son is 9 in September and it took us until he was almost 6 to want to try for another. I know a lot of people think of nothing worse than a large age gap but we ended up having secondary infertility and it took us a few years to conceive. Our first son was an angel baby until he hit a year and behavioural problems became apparent. He still can be a very difficult child at times but it's wonderful how much he understands and how excited he is to be a big brother!

I think you sound like you would like another child but it's just too soon for you. There's a lot of pressure when your first born gets to 2/3 years old people expect the second to come along. People have been asking us for years, even through our struggles! Don't feel any pressure to have another, either now or at all, just because you feel you should. Perhaps speak to your husband and agree to look at things again in 6 months or a year and see how you feel again? Time is also a healer in terms of having a difficult child. Everyone keeps telling me our second child won't be the same but in my head I had to be ready that our next could be worse, and so we didn't start ttc until we were ready for anything!

That probably doesn't help at all but I hope you come to a decision xx

 

[Loula]

when my DD was 2 I couldn't think of anything worse then having another.
When she got to 3.5, 4 I started coming round to the idea of it. she turned 5 last week and we are ttc. The bigger age gap can go in our favour and DD will be very involved.
There is no rule of when you should or shouldn't have another it's when it feels right x

 

[Eryinera]

I agree it sounds like you want a second but not yet.
I wanted 2 or 3 kids (we settled on 2 after having such a hard journey trying for no 2) mainly due to me being sn only child and hubby being an only child and only grandchild. We figured when we are no longer around my son would have no one no family bar him so we wanted to give him a sibling which was my main motivation for pushing on through the losses. Plus as he's the only child if 2 only children he was getting spoiled rotten and started acting very... entitled and it was getting on my nerves we tried to keep him grounded like I feel me and my husband were but the attention from grandparents and mine and hubby's aunties and uncles was making him act like the world was his! Already he's started acting more big brotherly and even done chores without kicking off so that's good
But ultimately it's your choice. If you feel you can't cope with a second or would prefer one rather than more then I totally respect and admire that. My friend ha one child and is stopping at one she wants to be able to give her one child a good future without having to financially struggle. And feels having two would be a push and may hinder her child from going to uni etc in the future as she wouldn't be able too afford it also if dhe had 2 holidays abroad wouldn't happen so feels her child will be culturally uneducated too. She just wants to foncebtrate on giving her child the most memorable and unrestricted childhood she can. And I totally respect that it's very admirable and unselfish.

 

[Jasmine111]

I have got the same dilemma for different reasons. My daughter is only 8 months old at the moment. We can only conceive via ivf, so it's the thought of going through that again. I had horrendous morning sickness with her as well. I had a difficult birth, prolonged labour, forceps, 3rd degree tear, post partum hemorrhage followed by surgery. I'm now suffering from post partum thyroiditis which is still being treated. Me and DH are only children and we have very little family so we would love to have another but I just can face potentially going through a difficult birth and feeling so I'll again.

Sometimes I think I'm being selfish and I should just have another so she isn't on her own. I really don't know what to do

Xx

 

[Eryinera]

There are other options too like fostering and adoption if it's yhe physical side to it.

 

[KHTW]

I have got the same dilemma for different reasons. My daughter is only 8 months old at the moment. We can only conceive via ivf, so it's the thought of going through that again. I had horrendous morning sickness with her as well. I had a difficult birth, prolonged labour, forceps, 3rd degree tear, post partum hemorrhage followed by surgery. I'm now suffering from post partum thyroiditis which is still being treated. Me and DH are only children and we have very little family so we would love to have another but I just can face potentially going through a difficult birth and feeling so I'll again.

Sometimes I think I'm being selfish and I should just have another so she isn't on her own. I really don't know what to do

Xx

I am sorry you had such difficult labour and post-labour experience I can say mine was not easy or plesent either... You can always go with the elective c-section x

 

[Shepherdess]

Oh Jasmine I'm sorry you had such a tough time.

Thank you for all your responses ladies. It's definitely not the pregnancy/birth side for me. My pregnancy experience was lovely. I think I could be pregnant 100 times and still enjoy it.

The opinion of "you want one just not yet" seems to resonate with me the most. I gave up work and now just work 3 big days on our farm which i love but in my head the plan had always been to stay at home untila second child is in preschool then return to work. I guess I feel like I should be having a second child now so I can get myself back to work sooner. I'm a big help to my oh and work my very hard on the farm which means he can come in on an evening at a decent time and he is managing to just work half days on Saturday an Sunday but unfortunately no matter how hard I work it won't actually bring in extra money.

I think I'm going to try not to think about the topic for a while and maybe discuss it again around Christmas time

 

[KHTW]

If you manage not to think or talk about it that would mean deep down you know you want to wait. Or if you were to say 'OK! Enough talking about it, let's start trying from next month'. After that choice is made you will be able to tell how you really feel about it. You will either be excited or afraid and you will know x

 

[ShowingPromise]

I also think it's a good idea to shelve it for a bit and think about it again in 6 months or so perhaps? There isn't a magic age gap, there's 6 years between me and my sis! Mum said it helped her lots as my sis could help out and she didn't need to keep such a close eye on her. Also with the work stuff, it will work itself out, I know it's a huge help to your hubby but you must have managed when your lo was small?

I really don't want anymore children, just have the one, but had a horrible birth and recovery and I like our life as it is, we have lots of time for each other, babysitters on tap if needed, we are financially great, etc etc. I also just don't feel broody for another! When my little one has gone through tough stages my mantra has always been that I'll never do it again so better to try and embrace it. My oh would have one more, but never really brings it up and isn't desperate for one.

I've had people try and make me feel guilty by saying I'm selfish for denying him a sibling and playmate, but the idea of having another child to provide him with those things is ridiculous in my eyes, I'll have another one because I want that baby as much as the first, not just to provide entertainment for my lo!

Hope you get to a decision you are both happy with xx