Don't care about anything anymore ...

[VickyClare]

Hi all, I'm afraid its rant time

I feel really guilty but after losing our Rebecca (@23 weeks) I don't give a s**t about anything. The house is a tip - I hate living in a sty but at the same time I don't care! I'm comfort eating and I'm gaining weight, though I do care I just seem to keep scoffing (a vicious circle). My af is due around the 1st and even though I've been having twinges I think I'm fooling by body and bringing these symptoms on myself because I crave a family so desperately.

I feel like I'm really letting my partner down as I'm anything but house proud and a lot of the time now I'm in my nightie on the laptop, letting everything pile up and thinking who cares anyway?? Though deep down I do.

I feel like When I was pregnant I was starting to get on top of things, domestically ready for our new arrival. Now its all gone to pot. Luckily we tend not to get visitors who just turn up cus I know that I wouldnt answer the door as I'd be ashamed to let anyone see how we live.

I need a massive kick up the bum, I have no motivation. I'm angry all the time and say hurtful things to my partner (which I don't mean).

Anybody else feel like this? I feel that I'm slowly sinking deeper & deeper into depression (though I take anti-d's)

Sorry for the rant. I can't believe that this is my first real rant on here lol

Thanks for reading, I feel a bit better now xxx

 

[gemloulau]

Hi Vicky

I feel the same as you - I lost Leo at 22 wks and since then I feel like every thing else is insignificant, I can't be bothered with any of it, what's the point without Leo.

I'm keep having to give myself a mental slap round the face to snap out of it which seems to work.

Not sure what advice to give other than to try and look to the future, you will have your rainbow baby one day and this is just a passing moment and your way of coping at the moment. Don't forget there's always a light at the end of the tunnel even if sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Xx




- now Free

 

[flisstebbs]

I can't imagine how hard a late loss is. I had 4 early mc and that was bad enough. Only thing that got me through was the thought that I had to keep it together for when my baby finally does come. I had some reflexology which helped a bit, and dh and I focused on doing fun and exciting things that none of our friends with kids could think of doing (my fav was glacier climbing in Iceland a year ago)

Would it be helpful to see your gp for either a change of tablets or referral for some counselling?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Lou1103]

I personally feel that a later loss would be much worse than early losses. I have had 3 early losses and still find it hard to get dressed some days with a real lack of motivation to do anything at all.

I really hope it gets easier for you hun, i think how u are feeling is completely normal, i cant imagine how hard it must have been to lose your daughter so dont beat yourself up but try to communicate how you're feeling with your hubby and maybe go to the doctors for counselling or some advice from doc xxx

 

[mylullaby]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I really am. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. But you sound like you're being really hard on yourself considering what you've been through. Try not to worry about the house work - that can wait. Eat whatever the fook you want to eat - anything is better than nothing. (At least you're not starving yourself!) And there is absolutely NO WAY that you're letting your partner down. You're grieving and if that means having an untidy house and a less-than-ideal diet, then so be it.

I have a friend who went full-term with her baby girl but she only survived for a couple of hours after she was born. The friend told me that the only thing that really made things easier was time. Give yourself time honey and don't beat yourself up about the house work or your eating regime.

Much love xxx

 

[Beckyb1991]

Morning Vicky.
At risk of sounding harsh im gonna give you that kick you need.
Even though I dont know how your feeling , I cant even imagine it tbh. But I know its hard. I also know your a woman and despite everything else as women we're strong. You are strong. I know it doesn't feel like it but you are and you will get through this. You will never forget rebecca but you need to get your mindset to think as possitive as possible because if you dont you will loose everything. You need to remember you have a partner who loves you , a home , family and friends. They can help you get through this. You also need to remember just because you lost rebecca it doesnt mean it was your last chance to be happy or even your last chance to have a baby. Its time to pick yourself up, have a shower and clean your house. Not just for yourself but for you oh and the people who love you. You need to get out of this rutt before it swallows you completely. The only person who can do it is you babe ... live everyday as if rebecca was next to you , she wouldnt want her mummy to live like this, she'd want to see you live your life to the fullest and try and focus on something possitive like making her a little brother or sister for her to become there guardian angel. You are strong and have a lot to live for xxxxx always here for you xxxxx

 

[mistyblue]

Hi hun, I agree with Beckyb. I don't believe my LO would have wanted an unhappy mummy. Stay strong. The ladies on this forum are wonderful and, tbh, I have days which are awful but I force myself to do positive things every time, even if it's something small. Please don't beat yourself up. I'm as guilty of that as anyone, but I have to believe I will have a beautiful baby one day and I just think I will appreciate it so much more when it does come. Take care and look after yourself x x

 

[redbear]

maybe see a gp you may have a little bit of depression which is understandable, im going myself for pmt (but extream moods with it) xx

 

[VickyClare]

Thanks for all your kind words. After writing this I got up and cleaned the house for 2 hours

Feeling much better now xxx

 

[redbear]

Thanks for all your kind words. After writing this I got up and cleaned the house for 2 hours

Feeling much better now xxx

clear house clear mind, glad ur feeling better but honestly I get bad moods with pmt so dr suggested a tablet im going to start its that mild they use it to treat other stuff not just depression it is more of a hormone stabiliser ifykwim. nothing at all to be embarrassed by big hugs xx

 

[mylullaby]

Glad you felt better after a massive cleaning sesh! xx