Does your OH have a choice in your birth plan?

[positivity :)]

As title ladies?

My OH has been fantastic since my BFP, very caring, cleaning everything for me and taking very good care of me and our LO. I genuinely couldn't ask for more, financially he has been great and has actually done more research into the baby, labour and safety etc than me

so yesterday he came along to the first antenatal class and they spoke us through the three stages of labour. my OH found the whole thing really useful and i think it made us both feel more calm and comfortable about the big day

when we were driving back he said, i've been thinking about the epidural and i dont think you should have it, i think you should make it as natural as possible. Then he said.............wait for it.......you're not gonna like this.............

'if you have the epidural, its kind of like giving in and failing' ....................................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

i would love to say i kung fu kicked him out of the car but i was in total shock!!

we both went back to work and i emailed him telling him that he's really shocked and upset me. last night he said he worded it really badly and his only reason for not wanting me to do it is for my own wellbeing! but that isn't what he said. he then went into saying that i should have it as back up but don't assume i wont be able to cope without it and that i am strong etc etc, it was actually a sweet chat but i cant' get over what he said earlier in the day!!

are you ladies allowing your OH any say? My OH said he doesn't want to take decisions but wants to give me his opinion, ultimately i will choose.

this is deffo a time to say 'bloody men'

xxx

 

[i.love]

hm... that's a nice way to put it!!

my OH is happy with my choices, though it just happened that we both have same ideas about things anyway...

 

[Lilelephant]

Omg I would have slapped OH lol
He says I should do what is right for me he thinks j will need an epidural (I am a wimp) lol but I said I am gonna try without! Just want to prove him wrong!

 

[keepontrying]

We had a similar chat....
Me: of course if you do not wish for me to take such drastic pain relief i am more than willing to fight through the agony alone and scared. but your going to really have to help me through this stage
Him: 'Of course darling, im there for you I will do anything'
Me:' Im going to need something with each and every contraction, and it could go on for days'
Him:' Babe I will do anything for you, what do you think will help'
Me:' Put your balls in my hand through the labour'
Him:'So this epidural, how soon can you have it?'

message conveyed!!!

 

[Lilelephant]

 

[positivity :)]

We had a similar chat....
Me: of course if you do not wish for me to take such drastic pain relief i am more than willing to fight through the agony alone and scared. but your going to really have to help me through this stage
Him: 'Of course darling, im there for you I will do anything'
Me:' Im going to need something with each and every contraction, and it could go on for days'
Him:' Babe I will do anything for you, what do you think will help'
Me:' Put your balls in my hand through the labour'
Him:'So this epidural, how soon can you have it?'

message conveyed!!!

haha! maybe i should say that too!

thing is, i know when it happens he will be the one telling me to have it after 10 hours of screaming!! xx

 

[lewisca]

We had a similar chat....
Me: of course if you do not wish for me to take such drastic pain relief i am more than willing to fight through the agony alone and scared. but your going to really have to help me through this stage
Him: 'Of course darling, im there for you I will do anything'
Me:' Im going to need something with each and every contraction, and it could go on for days'
Him:' Babe I will do anything for you, what do you think will help'
Me:' Put your balls in my hand through the labour'
Him:'So this epidural, how soon can you have it?'

message conveyed!!!

Love it !! my oh was great with my labours just kept his mouth shut and did as i asked !! (only time he ever has mind !!!) only thing he said last time was when i asked for pethadine he said 'r u sure u need it u did this last time ?' (with my first asked for it then delivered within mins) turned out he was right i obviously scream for pethadine just before i deliver it doesnt even have time to take effect !!

just keepin mind the drugs are there for u if u need them personally i think its best to work up and see what helps u cope if u need an epiduaral then u need one !!! xxxx

 

[DW1978]

Nope, my DH has no say whatsoever, apart from whether or not he wants to cut the cord or if he wants to come in the birthing pool should I decide to have a water birth. The rest is totally down to me!

 

[i.love]

We had a similar chat....
Me: of course if you do not wish for me to take such drastic pain relief i am more than willing to fight through the agony alone and scared. but your going to really have to help me through this stage
Him: 'Of course darling, im there for you I will do anything'
Me:' Im going to need something with each and every contraction, and it could go on for days'
Him:' Babe I will do anything for you, what do you think will help'
Me:' Put your balls in my hand through the labour'
Him:'So this epidural, how soon can you have it?'

message conveyed!!!

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Omg my eyes popped out reading that! Having read on yho, it seems like a typical case of men opening
Their mouths and not really thinking about what they're saying/how they say it! The only say fob got with my first was I he cut the cord! With number 2 I didn't
Even write a birthin plan' good job really as it would have been a reet waste of time!

 

[positivity :)]

did you have epidural alice? i'm thinking that i'm going to just do whatever the midwifes advise at the time!

i know my OH can be a right cheeky git! not sure if he thought about it after and thought shit, i better make this better or he genuinely is concerned about me lol! xx

 

[lanny]

I've just been in the labour room with my sister and omg I wished she'd had one lol
She did brill really but its sooooo horrible to see someone in that much pain she was begging us to help her, but it was too late by then after 12 hours at the hospital she had enough. And I was really thinking to myself I dunno how she is going to go on any longer, I think your o/h might totally change his mind on the day I didn't prepare myself to feel so helpless and I would of done anything to take the pain away for her xxxx

 

[lanny]

did you have epidural alice? i'm thinking that i'm going to just do whatever the midwifes advise at the time!

i know my OH can be a right cheeky git! not sure if he thought about it after and thought shit, i better make this better or he genuinely is concerned about me lol! xx

If your mw is anything like mine have been or the one my sister had they never offer you anything even gas and air my sister was like do you think I'm aloud it, so I had to ring the bell and ask for her lol

 

[Toni_Win]

Wow, really badly phrased, but I think he probably means well.

My OH is really supportive. I decided I wanted to do HypnoBirthing and he agreed to do it to, even though deep down to start with he thought it would be all hugging trees and hippy stuff. Now we've done the classes he really understands the benefit and the whole process. We were totally doing hospital birth with whatever intervention necessary to start with, but now he's saying that if I want a home birth with a pool he's happy to help me do that. So my birth plan is totally up to me, he just needs to know what it is so he can make sure the medical staff are following it.

 

[positivity :)]

did you have epidural alice? i'm thinking that i'm going to just do whatever the midwifes advise at the time!

i know my OH can be a right cheeky git! not sure if he thought about it after and thought shit, i better make this better or he genuinely is concerned about me lol! xx

If your mw is anything like mine have been or the one my sister had they never offer you anything even gas and air my sister was like do you think I'm aloud it, so I had to ring the bell and ask for her lol

hmm, sounds like i need to think this through lol!

yeah i really think that once he sees me in pain he will want me to have it anyway.

he's so funny, he kept saying last night, 'ive spoken to the people at work who have had babies and they say blah blah blah' ....he works with men!!!!

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

I had g&a and pethadine with K and my paracetamol hadnt had time to kick in with E I did have spinal blocks after them
Both tho xos of tearing and can say from that that I personally wouldn't have an epidural unless i really really needed it! I just really didn't like the sensation! At the end of the day tho, only you know how you feel during labour and only you can decide really! I'm a right soft shite and don't cope with pain at all well, but in labour I was completely different!

I get the feeling my OH would probably say the same to me, but only cos he knows that's how I personally would feel if I had one! That said tho, if things follow the last pattern, I probs wouldn't even have time to ask for one

 

[Princess81]

Nope, my DH has no say whatsoever, apart from whether or not he wants to cut the cord or if he wants to come in the birthing pool should I decide to have a water birth. The rest is totally down to me!

Same here

 

[positivity :)]

hmm think i need to find out more as i dont really know much other than my mates telling me 'HAVE THE EPIDURAL, ITS GREAT' lol!! xxx

 

[Laura_C]

When I had my daughter my MW was brill! I never asked for any pain relief at all once on delivery suite, she advised me to go for the epidural so I could hopefully recharge and get some sleep. She said I was exhausted so she felt it was best, I just whimpered 'ok'. Wasn't offered gas and air at all though she went straight for the epidural!! I hadn't slept for 5 days solid so she was concerned as my Obs weren't great. My hubby was great he was just there for me and didn't question anything just supported me and let me be in my 'zone'. I just didn't want people fussing me or touching me!!
He always tells me how proud he is of me for the pain I went through and how long i put up with it and I didnt once mention an epidural. So glad the MW did though!! I think most will offer it if they feel it would help at that particular stage in labour. I swear if he told me i was a failing and giving i would of had his balls for breakfast!!! Lol! I feel that men can't really have an opinion on the whole pain side of things as they have no idea and never will, we all know if men had to give birth the population would certainly be reduced!!

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

I think the best advice anyone can give really is to do your research and go in with your eyes open! Absolutely noone can tell you how you're going to feel as it really is such a personal thing! When I was preg with K I said I didn't want an epidural, my dad actually laughed when I was in labour with E I actually remember thinkng holy F I'm going to need an epidural if it's like this all the way thru! Little did I know that seconds later id realise I actually was about to give birth! But knowing what I do now, if I had a long labour next time and knew I needed something, I'd probably skip the pethadine and go straight for the epi!