Does anyone else feel the same as me?

[susan_1981]

I recently suffered a missed miscarriage. Went for my 12 week scan and found out the baby had died at 7 weeks 2 days. The strange thing is, every time someone said to me something like "Aw you're going to have a baby" or "everything will be fine", I never believed them. When people said to me on the day I was going for my scan "let me know if it's twins" (I'm a twin myself), I felt like saying to them "Assuming everything is ok". I didn't say that to them because I didn't want them to think I was being negative, but I was. I was also constantly going to the loo to check I wasn't bleeding. And on the drive to the hospital, I said to my husband "hopefully after this can we can start believing it's real". I never felt pregnant at all, my symptoms were so mild, and I had been pregnant before - I didn't realise it until 8-9 weeks, and my morning sickness was quite harsh. Although I was never sick, I would often heave quite harshly, this time when I thought I was having morning sickness, I wondered if i was imagining it because I knew what to expect.

The month before I got my BFP, I thought I might be pregnant as I got a faint line on a test, turned out to be an Evap, but the day I got that faint line, I felt so happy and excited. However, the next month I got my BFP for real but I didn't feel that happiness. I felt shocked and that was probably it.

I had probably one day where I actually felt pregnant and that was the day before I got my BFP. I wondered why I didn't feel the excitement of the month before but put it down to shock and the fact that it was actually real. But I never felt pregnant from then onwards. I had really sore boobs, which I had never suffered from, and my stomach started to bloat but I just didn't feel pregnant. I also could never imagine holding this baby in my arms, let alone give birth to it.

I always feel that if you can imagine something happening to you (like really imagine it, not just wanting it and therefore imagining it) then it will happen. Now I can really see myself this time next year with a little baby, like I can really feel it is going to happen. Obviously I can't predict the future but I was wondering if any one felt like I did before they knew they had miscarried. I just keep wondering if, deep down, I knew something wasn't right even though I had had no pain or bleeding to indicate a miscarriage. I just hope that my intuition is right x

 

[*sara*]

Im so sorry for your loss I have had 2 missed miscarriages this year and with both of them i constantly felt something wasnt right and like you couldnt see myself with another child (i have a 9 yr old son) But i fell pregnant again and i thought this is it its going to be 3rd time lucky, ive had a pretty hard pregnancy so far with several bleeds but im trying to think positive and im now 24+weeks pregnant and im having a girl and it feels right and im looking forward to being a mummy again
I think the only thing you can do is think positvley and i really hope you have your baby next year

 

[Ms Perkins]

Totally. I miscarried at six weeks back in July and I just didnt feel right the whole way through. No real PG symptons, but just felt "ill"...not like morning sickness which I have now - an all day nausia - with the one back in July I just felt ill. My back was killing me and I wanted to stay in bed all day.

I'm not 100% with this one at the mo (thanks to sickness and the onset of the flu bug everyone has), but I have a scan on Tuesday and I feel more confident that there will be little Heart Beat there.

Mothers instinct is seldom wrong....

 

[Anna23]

when i had my missed miscarriage i felt pregnant at the start but after a while something wasn't right call it woman's intuition i don't know but i was saying to people it doesn't feel right bla bla and although we didn't expect the mc i wasn't supprised like everyone else was altho i did take it badly and hated my body for not mcing properly but we slowly moved on nd are now 22 weeks pregnant i have to say i agree with you i just knew something wasn't right but with lil mat i knew from the start he was alright (although i was petrified of it happening again i just knew he was ok) and i knew he was a boy

 

[HannahD]

I felt exactly the same. I could never see me at the end of it holding a baby. It's really weird and i don't know whether it was a subconscious knowing that it wasn't going to happen for us that time. When I was having my scan when the bleeding started I was lying there thinking I bet they can't see anything....and they couldn't.

But I can see myself with children one day, like you feel too. So hopefully our next bfp's will go well and this time next year we'll be mummy's

 

[trixipaws]

yes i did. with my first pregnancy i was PETRIFIED of miscarrying especially as i hadnt known i was pregnant and had been doing drugs i thought i'd killed her- my heart raced whenever i went to the loo in case there was blood, and i refused to look at baby stuff or think of names until the first scan i didnt wanna "jinx" things. but idk, deep down intuitively, i *could* see myself having that baby, and i did.

the second pregnancy didnt feel real- i was SHOCKED at the BFP but deep down in my heart idk i just couldnt visualise myself with that one, and sadly i did lose it i didnt want to accept it and fought against it clutching at straws but right from the start i could never "picture" it like i could with my daughter. idk if my mind is playing tricks on me tho and has "rewritten" my memories or something, its wierd tho i did kind of know.

i'm sorry for your loss hun

 

[trixipaws]

oh yes, can i just add- also with my first pregnancy, when she was breech up until 36 weeks and there was really little hope of her turning and i thought i'd have to resign myself to a c-section instead of my home water birth i wanted- altho i was so worried about it at the time i remember picturing my future self thinking "aww, all that worrying but it all turned out fine in the end". and it did! she turned at nearly 37 weeks! i really think womens' intuition is very underestimated and intriguing. x

 

[Kittykins]

Absolutely. In fact, one of the reasons I was sent for a scan at 7w was not because of the tiny amount of pale brown spotting but because my doctor asked if I felt pregnant and I said 'not at all, I just can't see anything there'. We'd been trying for a year so I was desperately hoping I was wrong, but even though the HPTs got dark very quickly, something felt wrong from the beginning. Neither of us could get excited and during my first visit to the doctor at 5w I told him I did not feel pregnant and was worried. When the sonographer was doing the scan, I said 'it's anembryonic, isn't it?' and she looked at me, very surprised, and said 'sadly, yes, but how did you know?'.

This time round, ironically, I haemorrhaged severely and had to go to A&E with DH and a friend. I said to the doctor that I couldn't understand how I could be bleeding so badly because I knew this pregnancy was going to be fine. The doctor gave me such an odd look - but when he went out of the room, the nurse said 'if you feel like that, then you're probably right'. The doc then examined me, and my cervix was closed, and a scan a couple of days later showed an embryo with a heartbeat.

Of course, I don't really know if everything's going to be alright and nobody does, but instinctively I feel that although this may not be a straightforward pregnancy (the bleeding's only just settled 6 weeks later), and although I may have moments of worry, it will all turn out ok. I just need to be reminded of that instinct sometimes - like this week, when I can't find the hb on the doppler!

 

[buddabun]

I'm so glad of this post!

My first m/c happened a few hours after my first BFP so I didn't really have time to think about it.

The second BFP was the very next cycle. I remember taking a test, not being sure if it really was a faint line or not, doing a digi and thinking nothing. I rang hubby and said "yup. I'm pregnant again". We really weren't excited at all even though we'd caught again so quickly. I remember his boss congratulating us and me doing exactly the same thing, saying "well, assuming this one sticks around"

I'm not going to say I knew it would all go wrong but I was certainly expecting it and it was no shock when I started bleeding less than a week later.

This time, I was over the moon when I got my BFP, it was at 330am (couldn't hold the pee in any longer) and I woke hubby up to tell him and we had a cuddle. I couldn't sleep so I was online for a good hour and a half afterwards! For some reason I am just more positive about this pregnancy. I keep picturing myself with a biiig bump and then a gorgeous baby (girl, if you're interested)... I keep thinking that in a year's time I'll be looking back on myself now and thinking how silly I was to be so worried.

Don't get me wrong, my heart skips a beat every time I go for a pee, every time I feel a cramp or every time I suddenly think "hold on, where are all my symptoms?". I am praying for the morning sickness to set in just as proof and I keep poking myself in the nipples just to reassure myself that yes, they do hurt. But deep deep down I have a feeling that this one will stick. Even if it's just because we've had crap luck so far

Kitty, I'm amazed you had such a cool head when you were haemorrhaging so badly - I would have been in floods as for me, and with my experience, blood = miscarriage. I know this isn't true but there you go, try telling my brain that. I'm so pleased your pregnancy is going well and what a great thread!