Do people ever think before they speak?

[Niknak]

MASSIVE RANT WARNING!!!

Why are people so F***ing judgmental about when mothers go back to work? I have just had the third person in two days ask me about my plans for going back to work after the baby is born - when they hear my answer all of them have felt it necessary to give me a lecture about how tough it is having a new baby and should I be going back to work? It's not even like I know these people really well - I could take it from family who are trying to help me make a firm and sensible decision but from people I don't really know? What gives them the right to lecture me about my life and my decisions?

Sorry - it just hits a bit of a sore spot as going back to work quite quickly has been a big decision that neither my husband or I have taken lightly. Basically the job that I have got at the moment is brilliant, pays really well, has great holidays and I love it! To keep the job I really need to go back to work when the baby is 4 months old but only part time, I will have to go in everyday but I will leave home at 2.30 and be back at 8pm (weird I know). However there is a big advantage to going back this early which is that the family that I work for tend to travel for the majority of the summer so I will be back on full pay from the beginning of May and they will go away mid-july for 7 weeks (during which I can do the little work I will have from home and pop into London as needed with the baby) so I won't go back to work, part time again until the end of August/beginning of Sept. If I didn't go back from Mat leave until Sept then I would only get mat pay until then which would be a bit of a struggle I have absolutely no doubt that going back to work will be really hard and that I will have my work cut out however I am not unaware as I was a nanny who specialised in newborn babies for 6 years (all the people that have lectured me knew this) I also feel that I will be a better mother if I spend small amounts of time away from the baby as the time that I do spend with him will be even more special...

Sorry for the ridiculous essay but being told that essentially I am doing the wrong thing by MY baby is really upsetting

 

[cosmicgirl]

I went back to work when the twins were 4 months old. I got a job in a different hospital, 3 miles from my house (I was commuting 35 miles each way at the time) but it meant that I had to start whilst on maternity leave. The twins went to nursery and it was fine. They were (and still are) really happy and I couldn't care less what people have to say about it. You do what is best for your family hun xx

 

[Princess81]

People always feel they have the right to comment. Take no notice of them hun, I know it's annoying but you are doing what is best for your family after careful consideration xx

 

[Samsgirl]

i have had it the other way....i am finishing work at xmas....10 weeks before baby due. basically because i have to commute an hour to work and in the winter the roads are awful cos i live in the lake district and i just dont want to have the stress of getting stuck snowed in somewhere when i am heavily pregnant..

i have been getting people saying 'do you not want to work right up to the birth so you can have more time off with yur baby?'...grrrrr

thing is.....with holidays i will get about 14 months off anyway...so no, i would rather make sure my baby is safe before he/she arrives too!!

i feel your pain..xx

 

[BevG]

im planning on going back to work when babs is 6 months and eatin solids, might go earlier but it will be part time, and screw what anyone else thinks, i earn more ph then my OH so even on 25 hrs a week i'll get a bit more than my OH and i can probably do that in 3 shifts in my work. mum will babysit quite happily if OH is working and i will also be doing college 1 day a week from before babs is born so will go back to that asap lol

 

[knopk@]

Everyone does have an opinion but they should really keep it to themselves. Just ignore people

 

[Niknak]

Thanks girls, that has all made me feel loads better x

 

[BevG]

im sure in an ideal world where money was no object lots more of us would stay at home with our LO but were not that daft as to jack in our income to live a dream and struggle. i for one want to be able to take my LO the zoo or on trips or buy it presents n stuff and not have to struggle excessively to do so. yeah with both of us on 25 hr jobs it wont be easy and we wont be loaded but its bound to be better than just OH working.

 

[Sarah13]

When I had my daughter (nearly 15 years ago) I was back at work in RAF full time just before she was 4 months, partly cos I wanted to and partly cos I had too. I had lots of comments ect esp going back knowing I'd be sent away for months at a time and working shifts, but it was fine and I just ignored them. Men don't get this kind of quizzing! It's your baby and your choice when you want and need to go back. my daughter hasn't lost out on anything and is now a very intelligent lovely teenager who mixes well with lots of people. Only things I will admit was breastfeeding became a nightmare so i stopped and for the first few weeks I did pop in to check on her at lunch times as I missed her so much! It was nice to have adult company again though and I liked my job too!

 

[hellywelly]

I will have to go back part-time - we have no choice financially as I earn a lot more than my partner, although, fingers crossed, if I save hard then I can wait til it's seven months old. If not it will be younger! My mum went back to work when I was six weeks old, three mornings a week, which she had to do as she took the job when pregnant on those conditions. I certainly didn't miss out cause she did this and she said it really gave her a bit of headspace which I think you need sometimes with a little baby! Use the stock answer that I give at the moment when anyone asks me anything about the baby that I don't want to answer 'We've not really thought about it yet'!!

 

[NinjaKitty]

This really annoys me because everyones situation is different. If you can choose to stay at home with your baby then I think you are one of the lucky ones. Most peoples reality is different. I'll start back part time when Bubs is 9 months old and will probably have to go full time by the time Bubs is 1 years old. You have to do what you have to do to keep your family together.

 

[positivity :)]

It's funny isn't it coz I feel that if I didn't go back to work ppl would judge me for that and say I should be contributing towards bills etc. U can't win with people Hun so just ignore them! Xxx

 

[NinjaKitty]

It's funny isn't it coz I feel that if I didn't go back to work ppl would judge me for that and say I should be contributing towards bills etc. U can't win with people Hun so just ignore them! Xxx

Totally agree. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. I also don't like the attitude that if you are a stay at home mum for whatever reason (i.e. whether you can choose to or have to due to circumstance) that people think that you don't have a job. Pardon me but isn't caring for your child 24/7 and the most responsible thing you can do.

 

[MrsHakaxjdx]

i have this all the time, im the full timer in my house and my oh is part time, it works for us. i get told your the mother blah blah blah.
i said ok well i will come out of work the tax that you pay i will get of the government and my kids will think im a bum, dont think so.

People aaarrrggghh!!!!!!!

 

[niknaks]

my goddaughters mum asked me that aswell and was shocked when i said im going back to work. she thought id do the same as her when she had her lil boy 5 years ago and quit my job and stay on benefits, but i dont want to be like that. i want to work hard for my child and for him to look up to me and be like my mummy did so much for me. forget what other people say its your life if they want to quit when they have kids or if the did thats thier business. do what makes you and your family happy. thats what im planning to do x

 

[angelmma]

I'll be back at work full time by the time baba is 6 months old. I work shifts 40 hour weeks with a 2 hour commute each day. Then I'll prob do overtime ontop of this . There were weeks I was working 70 hour weeks. But unfortunatly I dont have a choice!! I have bills to pay and my OH is at Uni and will be no help finanically so therefore I just have to suck it up and go back. I'd love to be able to get even 9 months but if I dont have a choice as I can have either 6 months on basically full pay or 9 months on 75% which I cant afford xxx

 

[Binzy]

No one situation is the same, is it? But people still feel the need to stick their oar in as if they have intricate knowledge of your financial situation. No one's taking this lightly, we're all trying to do what's best for our family, and if one more person tells me ' it's not easy bringing up kids' I may have a tantrum myself!

 

[Niknak]

Thanks everyone, I agree - 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' maybe I just have to accept that either way I wouldn't be making a decision that suits everyone, but at the end of the day who cares what everyone thinks - it's our baby and we will always try to do the best that we can!

 

[Kelly281]

I know exactly how you feel. I think most of us would like the luxury of being able to stay at home with our LO full time and not have to worry financially. There's no way I could do that however, and everyone seems to be really surprised and a bit disapproving when I say I'm going back to work full time when the baby is 5-6months.. I try not to let it play on my mind too much but it does make you doubt your decisions.