Dior just WONT settle - **update** SHE LOVES IT

[Dee1985]

i have been taking Dior for settling in periods at her new nursery. we go 1 hour a day 3 days a week. she is petrified.
at first she would not let go of my hand after 7 hrs now of settling in i have not been able to leave her
today they told me to leave her and let her cry it out she would soon calm down. this was fine by me. but 30mins after he screaming none stop they had to come get me. i can see they are worried.
so next week i have to go every day for 1 hr!!!
Dior is still real upset today and is is bed looking sad. she HATES it she is a very insecure child and i dont no why
its really upsetting
i asked what will happen in 2 weeks when i have my first day back at work and if she screams they said if she just wont settle i will have to collect her!!!! i cannot just leave work!!! plus ins a 30min bus ride to my office!!!
what am i going to do. no family can have the kids.


but on the plus side Harley loves it. i have not helped him settle in he just goes of and does his thing he is very confident

 

[MissGobby]

ohhh un not got any advice, maybe the 1hr everday next week will help her settle in a little bit better, can you not try and bribe her a little, like telling her you will buy her some sweets if she stays for the day/week etc etc?!?

sending lots of hugs to you darlin
glad Harley's likin it

 

[SarahB]

I really feel for you. M is very clingy and very shy in front of other people, and I know how frustrating it can be. I've been taking her to loads of different places and activities to try and boost her confidence but she still won't go anywhere or do anything without me. I really don't know what the answer is, I'm dreading the day I have to leave her on her own.
I really hope you can work something out

 

[Dee1985]

i have been taking Dior to a toddler group every weds since last yr she has only recently started leaving my side and goes and plays alone. but now since i have took her to nursery it has really knocked her back again. and now she is so scared of every thing!

i do feel sorry for her but at the same time i get angry as she is being silly she is 2 and i want her to o and be that bubbly confident funny girl she is at home!

i cant loose my job but i cant see any other option

 

[MissGobby]

awww hunni

 

[nathanmum]

if it was just dior then i would say try another nursery?? maybe she doesnt feel comfortable with the place/ people. but cos harley has settled ok i really dont know... i have no experience in this, who works in a nursery on here? maybe theyll be able to reassure you.

its hard leaving them and only now (ive been back at work for 3 months) am i getting used to it, i never thought i would say this but its nice just to be you for a couple of days.

 

[Dee1985]

cassi - she used to work in a nursery!!!!

I am really looking forward to go back, i like working and its only 2 days a week!
i think Dior might be better with a childminder, but i go back to work in 2 weeks its cutting it short and i have paid the nursery £100 in admin fee's and £300 deposit!

i was all set looking forward to work but this is a nightmare

 

[Vicky]

is their no way, of asking them to keep hold of that money and not pay for harley nursery fee.

and if you can get dior in to a child minder brill

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

has she seen how well harley likes it ??
really hope u get it sorted out hun

 

[alschafr]

she seems to me the type of child who would thrive with a childminder

I have no advice as from the beginning ella just went off to play, no upset no nothing but not one child crys being left there, it is such a loving warm atmosphere, harley will adapt faster as hes a younger age

 

[h33]

Hiya

Willow was the same we have gone to mums and tots every week since she was about 6 months but she would never leave my side and if she wanted to play with something i would have to go with her then when Conal was born she had to go into nursery so i could go to the hospital, she cried the first 2 times and then the 3rd she walked off didn't even want a kiss i always told her i was doing something like going to work or going to hospital even if i wasn't so she knew she wasn't missing out on something.

Now i drop her off at 1 come home and then go back into work at 4 she has stared to not want to go but i think it's because she knows i am going home and not going to work so i think i may start telling her i am going to work again, she's also great at mums and tots now and will go off by herself she has become really confident and outgoing so it does do them good in the end even though it's hard to begin with

Heather

sorry just thought you won't have been back to work since having her have you? Willow went to a childminder for a while so was used to me going to work so it may not work for you hope she settles for you soon

 

[Rachx]

Hi dont know if i'm gonna get lanced for this as i'm not yet a Mum but i was a nursery nurse for 7 years and a nursery manager for 2 so i hope my advice is worth its weight i have experienced this a lot!!! The mistake you made is staying from the beggining i find children then find it even harder cos they expect you to stay, at least if you leave evryday for an hour she knows you come back everytime this is the issue your babe is dealing with (is mummy coming back?) because she hasn't had to cope before and it isnt natural yet for her to know you will return. also childminders are fantastic i used to be one when i 1st qualified but children are proven to learn a hell of alot more with lots of other children socially emotionally and intellectually, i would either 1 bite the bullet and leave her for 1 hour everyday for a week (i know it must be hard) or try another nursery and do this straight away i hope my advice helps love rachx

 

[Dee1985]

Rach thanks for your advice.

Dior was pretty confident at first then when we first went to the nursery i went to the office to pay the money the staff said "should we bring her into her room whilst your sort the payments?"
i was fine with it. Dior smiled at me walked of with the member of staff to her room, after 20mins i went back Dior was fine sat on her lap reading a book, i opened the door smiled at Dior and called her she looked up broke her heart and cryed none stop and from that day she is petrified of being alone! even round my friends house she will only sit on my lap!
its a joke how clingy she has become
she has changed so much! she wont sleep at night just crys for me
she has always been such an angel but now she has changed so much.
so what do i do? make her go to nursery she will have to start school one day so needs to get used to it?
or do i take her out of nursery and let my mum have her?

its really upsetting me seeing her like this i just want whats for the best

they wont let me leave her the entire hour if she is cryihng, i would rather she did just cry to then realise i have to go and will be back later. but last time she screamed for 20mins then they had to come get me

 

[Dee1985]

sorry just thought you won't have been back to work since having her have you? Willow went to a childminder for a while so was used to me going to work so it may not work for you hope she settles for you soon

Hi heather, i did go back to work when Dior was 5months old i was only back for 6months though as i was pregnant but she was at a childminders and was ok. but she was to young to miss me much. but i didnt like the child moinder. Dior was just sat in the buggy all day infront of the tv i was paying her £30 a day for her to sit and watch tv all day

 

[h33]

sorry just thought you won't have been back to work since having her have you? Willow went to a childminder for a while so was used to me going to work so it may not work for you hope she settles for you soon

Hi heather, i did go back to work when Dior was 5months old i was only back for 6months though as i was pregnant but she was at a childminders and was ok. but she was to young to miss me much. but i didnt like the child moinder. Dior was just sat in the buggy all day infront of the tv i was paying her £30 a day for her to sit and watch tv all day

Thats exactly the reason i took Willow out weird hey also she used to leave her in the car while she picked up other children and this was in summer with the windows closed we but have the same taste in childminders(the wrong one)she started going at 6 months and i took her out at about 1 but i changed my hours to 5-10 so she didn't have to go. i hope she settles soon for you hun

Heather

 

[Rachx]

Yeah i think if you'd had started from then she'd have been fine but shes now got a stigma bout the place and prob the people, maybe they would let you leave her for 30 mins for 3 days and if an improvement 45 and so on. If this is affecting her at home she is obviously fretting which isnt good ive settled children in for as long as a month with proggressive leaving but its hard work and dependent on how good the nursery staff, i would also suggest a key worker somebody full time for 2 weeks that always deals with your child, also has anyone else tried taking her?

 

[Dee1985]

Hi rach no one else has tryed taking her. but will try and get OH to book time of work to try. Dior has a key worker who deals with her, but they key worker seems to think Dior shouldnt be left to cry as it will just make her hate the nursery where as me and the manager are saying no she needs to get used to it!
i start work in 2 weeks and i have 1 hr settling in every day. its hard work as its a 45min walk there then 45mins home but i have to go every day in hope she will settle.

what has really got me worrying though - the said when i return to work they will only let her be upset for upto 45mins then would usually call me to come comfort her or take her home! i cannot just leave work.

in your time being a nursery nurse has a mother ever been told by you that the child just is not ready for nursery? or has the mother had to stop taking the child because they just WONT settle?

i am going in the morning at 9am.
i might just stand in the corner no interact with Dikor then she will learn if she wants to go play she will have to do it alone. at the moment the staff are getting me to play with her etc

 

[Rachx]

No Child is ever ready for nursery how can they be? i do admit older children are more difficult to settle but ive never failed and i must have done it 75+ over the years you playing and interacting with her is just silly you are sending all the wrong messages nursery should not allow this the whole idea is that you leave her and come back, also 45 mins is not a long time for a 2 year old to cry so at the moment the crying is working 4 her and shes getting you back if she did a longer period she would probably get bored, i used to encourage new parents to bring them when we were doing somthin really good like baking to grab the childs interest, my top advice would be a meeting with u, keyworker and manager you need a plan its not good their not on the same wave lenghth and also never leave her without telling her your going and that you will be back later this is a clear message for her. Pity bout the long walk or i would suggest 2 sessions a day and getting OH to take her would be great to see her reaction sorry i'm rattling on now

 

[alschafr]

i really dont think the nursery sounds that great, i went to two taster sessions with ella, the first time we looked round together, the second time i filled in paperwork etc whilst she was with the others in the main room. From that day on she has loved it. For a child to not only hate it when shes there but also to be affecting her life i really wouldnt want her going there. It obviously isnt the nursery for her. Id say put her into another nursery this week and right from the beginning leave and make it longer and longer each time. She will settle

 

[Urchin]

Hiya Dionne

I work in a creche and I would give this advice:

I agree about it not being a good idea to stay. She will get used to you being there then will have to start from scratch when you aren't there.

I would go in, drop her off straight away, give her a kiss and leave, even if it's just for 10 minutes. THEN when you go back, have a story and a play so she ends up with a positive experience. Try not to leave when she's cying, leave on a good note.

What about taking a favorite toy with her?