Dilemma

[Gill09876]

Hi girls

I'm hoping that someone can give me some advice re my Mother in Law. For the whole time I have been together with my husband she's been jealous that she is not the only woman in her sons life. Our relationship massively improved however around five years ago when her Daughter had a baby so there was like a new focus. Now we have had a child the personal digs at me and interference has started again. I can hold my own but afterwards it really chews me up. When I return to work part time she is helping with the child care in my house & it is leaving me very anxious. It's a control thing with the baby as if she wants her!! She'll say what are you doing today? You need to get yourself out but it's not in a caring manner it's abrupt and she was abrupt with me for taking an extra week off work after having a miscarriage. She can be financially very kind (even though we don't expect it) and we are very grateful for this, I just want to have a good relationship too. One minute she can be lovely and the next day turn. She came into our house sat, never spoke to me then went in my kitchen cupboard, it's as if she loves to wind me up. At the moment I don't want to even talk to her, think oh is going to have a word but it took some persuasion. We are such a loely happy family the three of us and this is a much wanted child. I just don't wan an hassle. What would you do? it would take too long to take baby to inlaws on a morning due to distance they live so she is coming here to babysit but thankfully is only once or twice per week.

Thank you in advance ladies. X

 

[freespirit29]

I think u just need to have a chat with her and explain how you feel. Good luck Hun xxx

 

[ClimbingRose]

Eeeek I have no advice! my MIL is lovely and god I know how lucky I am, previous BF's mums have been hideous so I feel your pain.
If she is coming over to babysit and you'll be out at work so not too much contact, just try to suck it up and think about the free child care and your LO's relationship with her grandparents. If she behaves in a way where shes obviously trying to get a rise out of you, just dont give her the satisfaction, kill her with kindness. Good luck with it, family dynamics are tricky at the best of times arent they!

 

[Gill09876]

Thanks girls x

 

[gemeaves]

I feel similar with my MIL although she doesn't look after my son. It's as if she thinks my son is actually hers and she is far too over the top for my liking. she always refers to him as 'my little man' which I hate. My husband is quite a mummys boy though and I worry if i voice my concerns too much he'll take her side so i just try and grin and bear it for a more peaceful life! She also has been a little financially generous but she has thrown that in my face once or twice before so I think its more for her own beneift in the long run! Argh, doesnt it just wind you up!! sorry, i havent actually helped, just had a rant myself!!

 

[ClimbingRose]

I have quite a few acquaintances who have children, and I always see the grandmothers commenting on facebook at the childrens pictures saying 'my gorgeous man' 'my this, my that'... Its like they are making out its their child, I find it a bit odd. I know its nice they love them and all that, but it must get a bit annoying for the mum I would think!

 

[sammh18]

I know exactly how you feel! My other half's mum is the exact same! Best one she's done so far is come to my house and tell me about my post! She wanted to see my payslips and everything didn't believe I was working or anything! I'm with her only son I get that and I'm carrying her 9th grandchild you'd think she'd get a grip being nearly 50...it's beyond a joke she's interfering I just ask her to leave I want nothing to do with her when she has her digs at me it does get to me alot and oh doesn't want to choose sides but it annoys me how they think they can interfere need to realise people are grown up. Xxx

 

[violet13]

see I have this problem with my actual mother, I've recently asked her for help regarding money issues and my mother is the type to use it against me down the line yet she hasn't been the best of parents, yet if I had asked my MIL for help she'd of done it in a heartbeat....how is it my own mother is like an evil MIL? Yet my MIL is like a real mum? I would try and speak to her but from experience this could get ugly, so maybe just ask someone else to watch your baby and take back the control that way she can't try and manipulate your child agaisnt you which is what could happen if she's been behaving the way she has, this is what I fear will happen once my OH and I have a child...my mother will turn my child against me. xxx