I know how you feel. My mother and I have never had that bond that we should have and because of events this year, I completely remove myself from her. If she texts or messages me she gets 1 word replies. I only speak to her really because of my grandma (who has brought me up practically).
If I was in your situation I think I would speak to my OH and ask him how he wants things to go? Perhaps you can have a relationship with your mother where he has to have minimal contact with her? I would also inform him that once I spoke to her, she is bound to bring up all kinds of crap and things that have been said about him...just make sure he knows and understands that these things were said at the heat of the moment because everyone has frustrations and if he is close to his mother its quite probable that he has also voiced his frustrations to his mother.
If you want her out your life moving would be a good idea, however, I wouldn't move solely because of her. You can't live your life to please other people. Tell her you need space and that includes not contacting you until you contact her. Tell her that if she doesn't do this she is at risk of losing you forever and is that what she wants?
My husbands parents always make me feel if they do anything for us they expect something in return. Love for your children should mean you would walk 1000 miles for them for ANY reason. She shouldn't expect anything back and I would not feel guilty about it. You did not choose to be brought into this world, that was her choice and as your mother there is surely a duty of responsibility that comes along with that role to make sure you never need for anything?