Dealing with my dad this weekend

[Onlylove]

I love my dad, but for some reason I remind him of my mom, and he has a lot of hatred and anger built up towards her which he takes out on me. We can not live together peacefully under the same roof. I have a younger sister who witnesses everything, and I don't like it when he talks like that in front of her. Since our mom is out of the picture, I'm the closest thing to a mother figure she's ever had. In Nov last year we had a huge argument, which resulted in him kicking me out. That's when me and my boyfriend decided to move in together.

Things have been much better between my dad and I since i've moved out. However, sometimes he will call me at random and just pick fights with me, so I haven't been over there for four weeks and i've been ignoring his calls just because I really don't want anger taken out on me anymore I have done nothing to deserve it. I miss my little sister with all my heart though, but this is best, she doesn't need to hear us scream at eachother every day.

The only thing I left at my dads house is my flatscreen TV I bought last year. I saved up three paychecks to buy it, and it is my pride & joy. Built in DVD player, HD, its nice. Before I left I put it in my little sisters room and she watches it every day. She loves it. But it is mine, and I know I should of got it sooner because now she's used to it being in her room. I bought her a few toys that hopefully will distract her. I also bought my dad a jacket. We have a TV here, but this weekend my boyfriend is buying a PS3, which requires my flatscreen. I know when I go back to get my TV my dad is going to start major shit with me today. I'm scared. Why can't he just let me live my life? It's not my fault my mom abandoned her family for drugs and he has no life. Sounds wrong, but that's the truth.

I just really needed to vent, but advice or anything will be much appriciated.

 

[Xcitedmum]

So sorry to hear about the shitty situation you are living with. I feel like you will never be able to change how your dad reacts to you but also feel like your little sister is missing out if she does not get to see you or spend time with you regularly. What age is she?

As you say, the TV is yours. You have been nice enough to buy both of them gifts but I suspect that the only thing that will replace the TV in your sisters room that she now watches everyday is... another TV. Is it possible for you to buy her a cheap TV/DVD player as a substitution? I have added the DVD bit so that it is a novelty for her when she gets it.

Do you have any contact with either of them at the minute? If not I am guessing you arriving to collect our TV will cause some drama. If you do then I imagine that if your dad is as you say he is, that he will be annoyed regardless.

So sorry to hear about your mum disappearing due to drugs, I cannot imagine how anyone deals with something like this. I really don't understand how a mother could do such a thing.

I am not sure if I have said anything that can be considered as advice nor as anything that will help but hope you and your sister can maintain a relationship regardless of how you and your father are with each other at any given time x

 

[Onlylove]

Yes, you actually have. Thank you so much for taking your time to read and write a reply. My little sister is 9, and ever since my mom left I pretty much took over. I made sure she had meals, got to school on time, took a bath every night, had a clean house to live in, and clean bedding to sleep in, clean clothes to wear, ect. I did everything a mother is supposed to do, and went to school, and held a job, and a relationship, and of course tried to maintain my teenage social life which was my last priority. I overloaded myself with all this stuff a normal teenager isn't supposed to do.

I know since I left my little sister has no rules and is pretty much taking care of herself right now. I know my dad is doing the best he can, and he is a great dad to an extent. Little things like, making her brush her teeth, and put on shoes when she goes outside, he doesn't do. Hopefully all the years I was with her rubbed off on her.

I have a TV for her, but it's not as big, doesn't have a DVD, and isn't a flat screen. Which she will be a little upset about. However i'm also going to put songs on her ipod for her so i'm hoping that will be a major distraction lol. I'm probably going to go tomarrow and I might stay the night. Just so I can clean the house, do their laundry and catch them up on the housework. I know my dad is horrible at that. I'm just going to be as mature about it as I can. I'm debating rather or not to take my boyfriend though if there will be less drama if I take him...

About my mom, yes it sucks for everyone. She's changed into a whole different person and the one it affects the most is my sister. She wants nothing more than to know her mother and my mom just doesn't care anymore. I think it's best that my little sister is 8 hours away from my mom, because my mom is so gone right now its not even funny. Every other word out of her mouth is a cuss word, and just her being around my little sister will corrupt her. It makes me cry, she used to be such a good mother to me, I wish my little sister got the childhood I got with both my parents, a nice big house, and always happy. I can't do anything about it though, I have tried to get her into rehab but she doesn't want help.

That's probably why i'm in such a hurry to start my own family. I know I will be a wonderful mother. I feel like I was put on this earth to be a mother, it's my calling. I want to be different than my mom and have the perfect family.