I really need to find a way to deal with my Mothers snide and sarcastic remarks or I'm going to spend my pregnancy feeling angry. I told her this weekend and of course she is happy but she does a pretty good job of hiding it behind her sarcastic remarks. She had my 4 brothers and I all very close so we were 4 of us under the age of 5. She was lucky to have uncomplicated births and has been a great mum, (she's a real earth mopther with little ones) but boy is she smug. They even asked me if I was going to be one of these 'too posh to push' mothers. How ridiculous. I'm a sturdy lass who never shirks physical endurance and have done some pretty arduous things in my time including sailing across the southern ocean, how very dare she. She even did an impression of my sister in law in labour. I thought that was pretty bitchy considering she had been invited to the labour as they thought she would find it a once in a lifetime oppertunity. Grrrr, she's really got my back up. She never had any faith in me as a child and I feel flung back to being 15 again. All the things I said I was going to acheive I have despite her lack of belief. This amongst meverything I have had to work hard at. FFS my last baby was dew next month, believe me I am ready to deliver a child into this world. Sorry for the rant. Any ideas how I manage her? She has made lots of comments about how my brother and his wife are very private with their family and she 'has to take a step back' But I totally understand why they have been that way now. Any advise? I'm going to really need it.
Dealing with Mother
- Thread starter Becs
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I think talking to her, even if it comes to nothing is maybe a good course of action. If you explain to her that her comments and behaviour don't help you and in fact seem to be in the negative, then maybe she will begin to understand where you are coming from.
I'd explain I'd like to feel I was able to talk to her woman to woman during pregnancy, but that catty comments could be left alone please and if she wanted to make them, you would not stick around that day/visit to hear them or would pull her up on it. Explain how it makes you feel and that what you really need from her is her support. Emotions run high in pregnancy and your mum should surely understand you might be a bit more sensitive at this time. You sound like me in being a bit of a strapping lass who is used to working hard, so of course you are not looking for tea and sympathy all the time, but feel a mothers compassion on occasion would be nice
If you've already had that conversation, then I'd try one more time and then do as your brother and his wife seem to have done and make her take a step back and don't involve her so much until you feel you are in a better place to deal with her. Negative support in pregnancy is no good to anyone so don't put up with it. Positive support is what you need and don't be afraid to tell her as much.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I'm a great one for thinking it over, talking it out and then hopefully solving the problem. Expect your mum to have something to say in reply, but bottom line is this is your baby, your experience and she needs to support you not put you down about it.
I'd explain I'd like to feel I was able to talk to her woman to woman during pregnancy, but that catty comments could be left alone please and if she wanted to make them, you would not stick around that day/visit to hear them or would pull her up on it. Explain how it makes you feel and that what you really need from her is her support. Emotions run high in pregnancy and your mum should surely understand you might be a bit more sensitive at this time. You sound like me in being a bit of a strapping lass who is used to working hard, so of course you are not looking for tea and sympathy all the time, but feel a mothers compassion on occasion would be nice
If you've already had that conversation, then I'd try one more time and then do as your brother and his wife seem to have done and make her take a step back and don't involve her so much until you feel you are in a better place to deal with her. Negative support in pregnancy is no good to anyone so don't put up with it. Positive support is what you need and don't be afraid to tell her as much.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I'm a great one for thinking it over, talking it out and then hopefully solving the problem. Expect your mum to have something to say in reply, but bottom line is this is your baby, your experience and she needs to support you not put you down about it.
Thanks Sherlock, you make real sense and I will try to pull her up when she does it in future. I'm not afraid to speak my mind to her and in fact am finding it hard to believe how much she managed to rile me at the weekend. I guess I need to learn how I am with all these new hormones racing round, I guess I am more sensitive. She probably needs reminding of that as usualy when she is a sarcy cow I can take it, so I guess she doesn't realise things are different at the mo'.
Thanks again though, I hate moaning as I am loving being pregnant, just have to accept these hormone thingys make you a little different and adapt.
Thanks again for some sound advice
Thanks again though, I hate moaning as I am loving being pregnant, just have to accept these hormone thingys make you a little different and adapt.
Thanks again for some sound advice
scottishterrier
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i think you really need to tell people when they do things to annoy or upset you.
I had it out with my mum on sat night as i was so pi$$ed off with her announcing my pregnancy and ending the sentence with "the fathers not around though!" grrrr
I spent a few weeks at boiling point but saying nothing and it felt great to have it out, she hadnt realised it upset me and infact thought it was helpful so that people wouldnt come asking me. lol her heart was in the right place but yeh, you should open your mouth when people pi$$ you off. its the best thing to let it out and not let it bubble away inside xxxx
I had it out with my mum on sat night as i was so pi$$ed off with her announcing my pregnancy and ending the sentence with "the fathers not around though!" grrrr
I spent a few weeks at boiling point but saying nothing and it felt great to have it out, she hadnt realised it upset me and infact thought it was helpful so that people wouldnt come asking me. lol her heart was in the right place but yeh, you should open your mouth when people pi$$ you off. its the best thing to let it out and not let it bubble away inside xxxx
Wow scottishterrier, I can see how that would have been quite hurtful even though she didn't mean it at all that way. I guess sometimes, Mums especially don't realise how much we can take their comments to heart. I agree best to let people know when they are getting to you. Good advice.
reallyoldmum
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Mums hey Becs - cant live with them - dont want to live without them!! I know its not the same but I told my mum about our chemical pregnancy last month and she just said well what do you expect at your age!! I know she didnt mean it in a horrible way but boy did it hurt!! She still has an opinion on how I bring up my two now - and they are 17 and 20!!! Keeps on suggesting I take my 17 year old son to the doctors as she thinks he's depressed - and what does she base this on? He either sitting in his room listening to music, on the computer or out playing football!!! oh yes and he's grown his hair long! 
Anyway sweetie just try to smile and think nice thoughts - we are always our mum's little girls so they do seem to think they can say what they like when they like!!
Anyway sweetie just try to smile and think nice thoughts - we are always our mum's little girls so they do seem to think they can say what they like when they like!!
Jade_Number1
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my mum would have a lot to say about this one!
I remember when I was 15 I was bunking off school to go shopping with my mates (who were older and on study leave).... when my mum told my nan she insisted I must be bullied at school and my mum shouldn't punish me she should be supporting me!
I loved it, but now I can see where my mum was coming from when she had steam coming out of her ears!
I remember when I was 15 I was bunking off school to go shopping with my mates (who were older and on study leave).... when my mum told my nan she insisted I must be bullied at school and my mum shouldn't punish me she should be supporting me!
I loved it, but now I can see where my mum was coming from when she had steam coming out of her ears!
reallyoldmum said:Mums hey Becs - cant live with them - dont want to live without them!! I know its not the same but I told my mum about our chemical pregnancy last month and she just said well what do you expect at your age!! I know she didnt mean it in a horrible way but boy did it hurt!! She still has an opinion on how I bring up my two now - and they are 17 and 20!!! Keeps on suggesting I take my 17 year old son to the doctors as she thinks he's depressed - and what does she base this on? He either sitting in his room listening to music, on the computer or out playing football!!! oh yes and he's grown his hair long!
Anyway sweetie just try to smile and think nice thoughts - we are always our mum's little girls so they do seem to think they can say what they like when they like!!
Long hair indeed, well that is always a sign of depression Thanks for making me giggle 
