Daddy's confidence

[Redshoes]

After Isaac was born we ended up staying in hospital for a week, and obviously Dad could only be there during visiting hours. Anyway, I think that week caused Daddy to feel under confident with Isaac, and I don't think I'm helping by adding my opinions on how he does things with him. I feel like if I need a nap or to go out without Isaac, I need to ask him if it's OK and if he'll be allright, which is crazy, he's his Daddy

Any ideas on how to help him gain that confidence? And help me keep my opinions to myself? I don't say what I feel in a negative way by the way though, but he takes a lot of it the wrong way I think, and we keep both getting upset by these moments

 

[cloud9]

A is underconfident with Dylan...I have asked him if he wants me to give advice when I can see what Dylan wants and he can't or I know a better way of doing things..If Daddy doesn't want to be told then let him find his own way, when he does his confience will grow

 

[mum2A&L]

adam can still be the same with alice. but then alice is the first baby he has really had any contact with, where as there is allways babies in my close family.

the same way you had to work things out, he needs to do the same.

i encouraged adam to have a 'thing' he does with his daughter everyday, so he could get very confident with that. He dries and dresses her every morning (meaning i can have a slightly longer soak in the tub ).

 

[Hellokitty]

My Dh was a bit like this to start with, but he's coming on in leaps and bounds.

I know I am going to worry when I leave them both alone for a day, but its the best way for him to learn, and anyway I know I can trust him! It not as if I'm an expert anyway!

 

[sam96031]

rob was the same i think cause we had a month and a half in hospital without him, when we came home i was the same and it made him so unconfident i had to just bite my tongue and now he is a lot better good luck

 

[Jen79]

I think that what you are describing happens with everyone to some extent. I agree with Sam that giving him time to do something with your LO on his own will help him build his confidence. As long as you are open and honest with him and tell him that you dont mean to be telling him what to do etc then I am sure it'll be fine. I remember feeling like that at the beginning, its hard to keep your mouth shut though isnt it?! 'Mother knows best' they say. Ha ha

 

[sam96031]

I think that what you are describing happens with everyone to some extent. I agree with Sam that giving him time to do something with your LO on his own will help him build his confidence. As long as you are open and honest with him and tell him that you dont mean to be telling him what to do etc then I am sure it'll be fine. I remember feeling like that at the beginning, its hard to keep your mouth shut though isnt it?! 'Mother knows best' they say. Ha ha

i know lol yeah its so hard to keep your mouth shut especially if you dont want to leave them alone but keep encouraging him to play and have fun that boosts confidence

 

[Redshoes]

Thanks everyone
I've been biting my tongue, I really don't say anything that sounds like I'm telling him what to do, just sometimes I have an suggestion of another way, but thankfully he's been spending a lot more time with him, and more alone time, and it's lovely to see them bonding more and being visibly a lot happier and confident together, my OH and LO

 

[sam96031]

oh i am glad

 

[Mice_Elf]

My partner used to feel a bit overwhelmed by our daughter as well and never seemed to have any confidence with her. Like you, I'd always tell him how "we" did things as I was the one seeing to her needs all day while he was at work.

After a few weeks, I started leaving him with Erin while I went for a walk. Not a long one, as I was still recovering from a c-section and I breastfed, so couldn't be away for long, but just 10 / 15 minutes or so, enough to give me a little break and Steve some time alone with Erin.

I also used to ask his opinion on things and to hold her a lot while I did other stuff.

That said, I think it *is* difficult for dad's to feel as confident in holding little ones. Steve always says that he felt as though he could break her, as he felt so large compared to Erin when she was first born. Also, because I b'fed, it was just me that she needed, essentially. Whenever she cried, he couldn't comfort her - she never took to a bottle if I ever expressed.

Now Erin's 2, Steve admits that until she was approximately 6 - 9 months old, he never felt a connection with her - he loved her obviously, but she was a little alien. It wasn't until she started taking an interest in the world around her and interacting with it that he felt he could see her as a person.

Now she's 2, she is *such* a Daddy's girl, it's untrue!