Crying when put down, almost every time

[aramintalovegrove]

Gaah my girl is being a real pain at the mo, she will sometimes play for a short amount of time (if Im lucky) but she seems to be getting worse and will mostley scream the second we loose body contact.

Its the same when DH and DS have her so I know its not just a mummy thing and alot of the time she just lays comatosed in our arms (sort of eyes open a tiny bit but very relaxed rather than propery asleep) I have to make her active IYKWIM.

I have no probs with her during bed routine and she goes down in her cot well, she comes into my bed in the early hours and doesnt stir until we get her up.

I need to get her used to being put down as I will be going to work in a couple of months and I dont want her cildminder to have her as a perminant arm attachment as I do

Help! Any ideas as it breaks my heart to see her put down ATM she crys proper tears and everything the little minx, me and DH are having a difference of oppinion and Im getting the 'rod for your own back' remarks from him about it. His answer is to put her in a room to scream it out but I HATE this as it just continues till I cave in and then we get in a row when I go fetch her

Cummon girls, words of wisdom pls

 

[CharlieC]

I'm in the same boat! I wish I could offer some advice but I can't all I can do is say "you're not alone!" My hubby walks around with my daughter (she's 6 months) and she loves that but if you sit down or with her in your arms or put her down to play she's not happy! I keep telling hubby that he's spoiling her for walking around with her but I don't even know if that's true or not!

 

[aramintalovegrove]

I'm in the same boat! I wish I could offer some advice but I can't all I can do is say "you're not alone!" My hubby walks around with my daughter (she's 6 months) and she loves that but if you sit down or with her in your arms or put her down to play she's not happy! I keep telling hubby that he's spoiling her for walking around with her but I don't even know if that's true or not!

Absolutley poop aint it i think she is too little to just leave but maybe Im a softy, one thing for sure when DH does leave her its soul destroying to hear her.

 

[beanie]

I went through this with Cally. It is tough but it does pass - and it passes so much quicker if you do arry them, reassure them that you are there etc. I used to put Cally in a sling and just got through it and she did get through it - will happily play in the living room whilst I am in the kitchen.

 

[charlotte_]

zach does this, it's so annoying when you need a wee! i have no advice.

 

[Melly+2]

Maybe if you haver a bouncy chair put bubs in that in the same room while you do stuff, moving it from room to room as you move, still not ideal but she may after a while still feel comforted by the fact she can still see you, the crying will get better though. I made myself leave Hope to cry for a little while as i knew there was really no reason for the crying, she was fed chancged ect, she soon calmed down

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Thanks girls

Mel thats exactly what I have been trying to do so she gets used to not getting picked up immediatley but she doesnt seem to be learning anything from it other than to cry louder and just continues to cry till I do pick her up...its like an off switch, literally as soon as she is picked up the crying stops I started picking up settling her and then putting her down again but it again just makes her crys worse.

TBH I really want to just sling her but with DH view on things its difficult. We are having fajitas tonight so Im thinking I will grab this oppertunity to sit down and discuss the plan of action.

Beanie, How long did Cally go through this phase? I have till April to sort this as I really dont want my lovely childminder having her like this (she is a good friend so I would feel really guilty)

Charlotte_ I know what you mean about the loo, I can now do most things one handed!! I rush to do as much as i can when she is content... I can now have a shower and wash my hair in a few seconds

 

[beanie]

About two months really bad, she still has the occasional clingy day but that tends to be if she is teething, tired etc.

I used these tips by Elizabeth Pantley to help me through it

How you can help your baby with separation anxiety

* Allow your baby to be a baby. It’s perfectly okay — even wonderful — for your baby to be so attached to you and for her to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations, Mommy or Daddy: It’s evidence that the bond you’ve worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.
* Don’t worry about spoiling her with your love, since quite the opposite will happen. The more that you meet her attachment needs during babyhood, the more confident and secure she will grow up to be.
* Minimize separations when possible. It’s perfectly acceptable for now ¾ better, in fact ¾ to avoid those situations that would have you separate from your baby. All too soon, your baby will move past this phase and on to the next developmental milestone.
* Give your baby lessons in object permanence. As your baby learns that things continue to exist even when she can’t see them, she’ll feel better about letting you out of her sight. Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek will help her understand this phenomenon.
* Practice with quick, safe separations. Throughout the day, create situations of brief separation. When you go into another room, whistle, sing, or talk to your baby so she knows you’re still there, even though she can’t see you.
* Don’t sneak away when you have to leave her. It may seem easier than dealing with a tearful goodbye, but it will just cause her constant worry that you’re going to disappear without warning at any given moment. The result? Even more clinginess, and diminished trust in your relationship.
* Tell your baby what to expect. If you are going to the store and leaving her at home with Grandma, explain where you are going and tell her when you’ll be back. Eventually, she’ll come to understand your explanations.
* Don’t rush the parting, but don’t prolong it, either. Give your baby ample time to process your leave-taking, but don’t drag it out and make it more painful for both of you.
* Express a positive attitude when leaving her. If you’re off to work, or an evening out, leave with a smile. Your baby will absorb your emotions, so if you’re nervous about leaving her, she’ll be nervous as well. Your confidence will help alleviate her fears.
* Leave your baby with familiar people. If you must leave your baby with a new caregiver, try to arrange a few visits when you’ll all be together before you leave the two of them alone for the first time.
* Invite distractions. If you’re leaving your baby with a caregiver or relative, encourage that person to get your baby involved with playtime as you leave. Say a quick good-bye and let your baby be distracted by an interesting activity.
* Allow your baby the separation that she initiates. If she crawls off to another room, don’t rush after her. Listen and peek, of course, to make sure that she’s safe, but let her know it’s fine for her to go off exploring on her own.
* Encourage her relationship with a special toy, if she seems to have one. These are called transitional objects or lovies. They can be a comfort to her when she’s separated from you. Many babies adopt blankets or soft toys as loveys, holding them to ease any pain of separation. The lovey becomes a friend and represents security in the face of change.

Don’t take it personally. Many babies go through a stage of attaching themselves to one parent or the other. The other parent, as well as grandparents, siblings and friends can find this difficult to accept, but try to reassure them that it’s just a temporary and normal phase of development and with a little time and gentle patience it will pass.Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

 

[Melly+2]

If im honest hun id carry on with the chair, she knows what shes doing as she stops eevrytime you pick her up, she will learn in time that she wont get picked up every hour of the day little madame int she bless

 

[beanie]

Of course she will stop, she wants her mum and will stop when she is held by her. My experience with both of mine has been that they have soon realised that me going out of a room doesn't mean I won't come back. It is tiresome but it is only a short period of time and all too quickly they won't want your cuddles. I guess it is easy for me to say though because Seren and Cally both got through this stage and are both happy to let me out of their sight and hardly ask to be picked up. Its about building their confidence through this normal phase.

 

[Melly+2]

fair enough, each to their own.
You do what you feels right, ive never tried the sling technique myself but then again i didnt really know alot about slings when i had Hope

 

[Mildly]

Oscar is the same and has been from the time he first became more alert and aware at about two months old. I always pick him up and carry him around most of the day. Unfortunately he doesn't like being confined in a sling or mei tai for too long, he likes to have my arms around him and he loves being walked around. My OH has come to terms with me not getting anything done during the day and we have both come to love the fact that he wants to chill out with us all the time - I suspect this stage will be only to fleeting and so I now cherish it.

I have managed to work a bit of time away during our nappy changes as I lay him in his cot bed (he doesn't sleep in this yet) to watch his mobile whilst I clear up after his change - sometimes he is happy enough to be left for 10 minutes so I can grab a quick shower Also I bought a jumperoo for £25 off ebay and he has the best fun jumping around in that for 15-20 minutes

I don't know whether Esme is picky about who holds her also? Oscar which scream if he is handed to anyone other than myself or my OH, even if we are right beside him holding his hand. It is strange because he is quite happy to smile at anyone from the safety of our arms We get a slightly better reaction if we leave it about an hour in the new person's presence before handing him over but he still isn't happy about it.

So sorry no real advice to give but and enjoy your little girl I don't want to put him down to cry it out it just isn't my kind of thing. I mean, he's not likely to want to be carried around at age 18 so the end is in sight

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Thanks everyone,

She isnt bothered who has her just that they are holding her but most of the time its me DH or DS who have her I do hope it stops as she gets bigger Im wondering if alot of it is because she is bored she isnt very good at grasping yet so doesnt really play with anything and if she is with us we are usually interacting with her or she is doing the comatose thing

Will talk to Dh when she is in bed and let you know what we decide.

Thanks again its good to know Ive not created a diva

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Put her to bed and he was down stairs and had downed 4 cans of stella in 1 hour will tackle tomorrow *Sighs*