Counting

[gemloulau]

Today I should be 28 weeks and 1 day pregnant, I should have been finishing work in 9 weeks time to start my maternity leave, it should be 11 weeks and 6 days until my EDD.

Instead it is 6 weeks and 2 days since Leo was born. It's been 8 weeks today since my 20 week scan when my world turned upside down. It has been 2 weeks and 3 days since his funeral and 2 days since his ashes were scattered. It is 3 weeks until my appointment with the Consultant to get some answers as to why.

So many dates and numbers.

When does the counting stop? When do I feel normal again

Having a bad day - one of 44 bad days since Leo was born.

xx

 

[scn]

Oh hun, I'm afraid the counting doesn't stop, but it gets a bit easier to deal with. Big hugs to you xxxx

 

[miss_soldier]

i am exactly the same, tomorrow i should be 38 weeks. last week would have been my first week off on maternity leave. two weeks tomorrow is my due date and im dreading it. i keep telling other people in similar situations that it gets easier with time. i have found out it hasnt, im getting more and more sad each day and still cry when im on my own and think about how my belly should look just now and how the spare room would look. finding things difficult at the moment. hope your okay xxxxx

 

[Heather85]

It doesnt stop, cos it means that much to you. I remember every date that involves rebecca. Her edd was 19/9/2009. No one seems to remember that date but me. I should have a four year old. She would be goi ng to school next year. You will coumt everythimg, I know how much it hurts love
hope your ok xxxx

 

[gemloulau]

Thank you all.

Little Miss Soldier - your words could have come right out of my mouth. I completely feel the same, it doesn't seem to be getting easier, it seems to be getting worse.

Heather, I'll be thinking of Rebecca on her birthday next week. It must be a hard time of the year for you.

xx

 

[Heather85]

I know it sounds strange but it has to get worse beforr it gets better, you have to grieve. If you want to cry, do it. I used to do my crying in the bath. It was my place.

Thanks gem. I delivered her on 20th may, so thats the date everyone knows. This was my due date xx

 

[flisstebbs]

I don't know what to say Gemma, other than I think of you often and wish your pregnancy had gone well, rather than you having this heart break.

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Counting is something than never goes away. It just stops being the only thing you do. Today would have been my V day. But there's always a day a week a moment a memory. It's dosent stop it just gets easier. As heather said it has to get worse to get better. Before you can bounce back you have to hit the floor. For me that was the day I did the most crying and screaming about how it's all not fair. There's not a day does by I don't think of Charlie my twins and the other early losses I've had. My daughters twin sister. So many dates but living takes over and you cope you realise that it's actually ok to live again. It's ok to smile and be happy. When you realise that the counting will take a step back. Hugs to you hun xxx