Commitment...
- Thread starter Gem
- Start date
I learned from pushing hun 
Since i met my other half all i wanted was to get married and live this happy dream then 3 months after being together i got pregnant un planned but we were both really happy about it
After 2 years of non stop asking could we get married bla bla bla he told me no
but it was because its all i went on about so i just never mentiond it again and one full year after never mentioning it again he proposed (sp?) to me we still havent set a date but im happy as we are for the moment.
Just try not pushing him as it is a big step not only getting married but commiting himself to your son, he may be afraid that when he does addopt your son maybe your little boys dad (sperm donnor) will try get acces i dont know
Give him time im sure when the time is right for him he wont hold back, if he loves you that much he wont let you go!!
sorry if this is no help but good luck for the future and i hope you get everything your wishing for
take care and all the very best
xxxxxx
Since i met my other half all i wanted was to get married and live this happy dream then 3 months after being together i got pregnant un planned but we were both really happy about it
After 2 years of non stop asking could we get married bla bla bla he told me no
but it was because its all i went on about so i just never mentiond it again and one full year after never mentioning it again he proposed (sp?) to me we still havent set a date but im happy as we are for the moment.Just try not pushing him as it is a big step not only getting married but commiting himself to your son, he may be afraid that when he does addopt your son maybe your little boys dad (sperm donnor) will try get acces i dont know
Give him time im sure when the time is right for him he wont hold back, if he loves you that much he wont let you go!!
sorry if this is no help but good luck for the future and i hope you get everything your wishing for
take care and all the very best
xxxxxx
You need to think of your self and your son 1st.
If he doesn't want to commit then there is no future in the relationship and it would be better to find out now, so that you both (meaning) you son doesn't get hurt in the future when oh decides he doesn't want to continue.
I would sit and have a serious talk, tell him how you feel, as you and your son are a package where one goes the other follows.
I hope it works out the way you want it to.
But needs heading off now.
If he doesn't want to commit then there is no future in the relationship and it would be better to find out now, so that you both (meaning) you son doesn't get hurt in the future when oh decides he doesn't want to continue.
I would sit and have a serious talk, tell him how you feel, as you and your son are a package where one goes the other follows.
I hope it works out the way you want it to.
But needs heading off now.
Cat&Noah said:
Well he keeps saying he's waiting for his financial situation to improve before we move in together, As for the marriage and adoption thing he's given me no reason. No-one in his family seems to be married so maybe he doesn't believe in it I don't know.
I feel like i can't bring it up because if I do he's going to get annoyed and I'm going to end up pushing him away and or annoying him (like what happened with weestar and her bloke below)
It's such a tricky situation.
Sorry but if you wait for 'fiancial situation' to improve it generally never does and something else comes up.
We alway said we would wait till we were better off with money before having kids, but we decided it would never be the right time and we still struggle finacially.
I think that is a poor excuse, why not suggest a joint account to put money away for a wedding, savings account or something then see what he says.
We alway said we would wait till we were better off with money before having kids, but we decided it would never be the right time and we still struggle finacially.
I think that is a poor excuse, why not suggest a joint account to put money away for a wedding, savings account or something then see what he says.
Dont feel afraid to bring these things up, you need to understand whats going on and where he sees your relationship is going. Its not nagging him to get something, its just you trying to understand how he feels about the subject. You cant go on not knowing what going on cause your to afraid of p*ssing him off by asking.
At least then you will know how he really feels about you and your little one and then can see if your future plans are compatable. I dont want to sound negative, but if its cause he really doesnt think about that sort of thing, then you do have to wonder if its worth sticking around with a guy that isnt making any furture plans to be with you.
I say this cause the other day my OH got a call from his ex asking his advice, as she had given up her good job and house to move nearer to him, they have been together for 2 years and he doesnt want her living with him and still wants them to keep quite seperalt lives and friends etc cause he doesnt want the comitment. And she has basically given up everything to be with someone who obviously doesnt have any long term plans for their relationship. I think its better to know sooner rather than later about these things before you invest to much time and emotion into something that might not have a future.
At least then you will know how he really feels about you and your little one and then can see if your future plans are compatable. I dont want to sound negative, but if its cause he really doesnt think about that sort of thing, then you do have to wonder if its worth sticking around with a guy that isnt making any furture plans to be with you.
I say this cause the other day my OH got a call from his ex asking his advice, as she had given up her good job and house to move nearer to him, they have been together for 2 years and he doesnt want her living with him and still wants them to keep quite seperalt lives and friends etc cause he doesnt want the comitment. And she has basically given up everything to be with someone who obviously doesnt have any long term plans for their relationship. I think its better to know sooner rather than later about these things before you invest to much time and emotion into something that might not have a future.
If you've only been with him for a year or so I wouldn't mention marriage to him too much, plenty of people are together for a lot longer than that without marriage.
It's a funny one, I know you want some commitment for you and your son, BUT at the same time, that's a lot for a bloke to think about, men are really bad at talking about this kind of stuff.
If he's recently stood up in church and given an oath of commitment to your son, I'd take that as a good sign for now and relax a bit, he obviously feels commited, even though he might not talk about it much.
It's a funny one, I know you want some commitment for you and your son, BUT at the same time, that's a lot for a bloke to think about, men are really bad at talking about this kind of stuff.
If he's recently stood up in church and given an oath of commitment to your son, I'd take that as a good sign for now and relax a bit, he obviously feels commited, even though he might not talk about it much.
Hi Gem
It makes sense that you want some form of security. But I personally believe that pushing your OH is not good and that a good relationship can stand with or without commitment.
Plus some blokes need time. It sounds like he's being there for you in all aspects, esp for your son, why do you worry he's going to leave you? Perhaps it's these fears you could raise to him instead of asking for commitment. My point is, has he ever done anything to show you he's not going to be with you in the future?
I have to ask, and I'm really sorry if you don't want to bring this up, but I remember you were pregnant with your OH's baby after Harry was born, what happened? (sorry if I'm being too nosey and this is very personal, had a look at your previous posts and you never mentionned anything)
Hope you work things out with OH so that both sides are happy
xxx
It makes sense that you want some form of security. But I personally believe that pushing your OH is not good and that a good relationship can stand with or without commitment.
Plus some blokes need time. It sounds like he's being there for you in all aspects, esp for your son, why do you worry he's going to leave you? Perhaps it's these fears you could raise to him instead of asking for commitment. My point is, has he ever done anything to show you he's not going to be with you in the future?
I have to ask, and I'm really sorry if you don't want to bring this up, but I remember you were pregnant with your OH's baby after Harry was born, what happened? (sorry if I'm being too nosey and this is very personal, had a look at your previous posts and you never mentionned anything)
Hope you work things out with OH so that both sides are happy
xxx
Hope you start to feel better soonTara & Liam
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from experience with my DH it was when i stopped mentioning marriage that he proposed.
with regard to the living together, i would maybe just sit him down, saying that you just want to get everything off your chest just this once and for him to answer your questions. explain that you dont feel like youve got a secure relationship as he doesnt seem to want to live with you and harry. (have you got your own place or do you live with parents). if you both live with parents maybe you can suggest setting up an account to save towards a deposit etc. it is never easy and money is almost always a struggle for a majority of families. try not to bring up the marriage thing until the end, and i would say that something like, you know i want to get married it means everything to me, i just want your views on this subject so i know where i stand on this. either you dont want to ever get married or you may want to sometime in the future. make him answer your questions directly dont let him skirt around. good luck hun
with regard to the living together, i would maybe just sit him down, saying that you just want to get everything off your chest just this once and for him to answer your questions. explain that you dont feel like youve got a secure relationship as he doesnt seem to want to live with you and harry. (have you got your own place or do you live with parents). if you both live with parents maybe you can suggest setting up an account to save towards a deposit etc. it is never easy and money is almost always a struggle for a majority of families. try not to bring up the marriage thing until the end, and i would say that something like, you know i want to get married it means everything to me, i just want your views on this subject so i know where i stand on this. either you dont want to ever get married or you may want to sometime in the future. make him answer your questions directly dont let him skirt around. good luck hun
