Choosing to have only one child?

[russellmuscle]

I thought for a while Jackson would be an only child as his dad and I went on a break, and I was ok with it. I knew with just Jackson Id be secure and not like in over my head if I were to be alone and am not worried about the social aspect of it all as he has nursery, play dates, family and eventually school? And had an equally balanced relationship with OH and I. However since getting back with OH and a recent (unsuspected pregnancy)MC we are now ttc another. I did always want more but also can see reasoning with 1. Youd be financially better off and more time etc however whether you want a second or more does depend greatly on making that sacrifice.

I had 2 brothers, although we arent super close having them growing up has taught me valuable lessons and I wouldnt change that. I think Id have been very lonely. I want the same for Jackson that I had growing up and that is my choice. Every one has one and only that person is to live with it. And even if you do ever change your mind thats up to you and should not be forced or guilt tripped by anyone.

To add, no matter what end of the spectrum theres people who judge having kids both older and younger, having alot of children or none, people judge parenting and even lifestyle and relationships. Its never ending, so tell people to live their life and let you live yours.

xxxx

 

[Belfa]

Hi

I can totally see your reasons and there's a small part of me that can't comprehend how I could have another child as I want to shower my LO with all my love and attention and like it being just us. I also think that you shouldn't feel quilty about having one child as realistically you have to do what suits your family.

To answer your question, having been brought up as an only child I don't want my baby to be an only child. I suspect kumber and myself think along the same lines on this. I will agree that I have matured very quickly and don't feel i have any social issues etc - I think this comes from spending a lot of time with adults.

As my dad worked away and my mum was very career focussed I had a nanny. I loved her dearly but during the holidays I was obsessed with having someone over every day so I could have someone to play with. On holidays abroad (which I was very lucky to have 2-3 a year being an OC) I insisted on going to the kids club every day as I again got to spend time playing with other children. I used to beg for siblings and had an imaginary brother and sister which everyone at school thought was real, it was only until I was about 8 that the truth came out!! As an adult I am probably more affected as I am able to look back and see where I missed out on certain emotional connections i.e. my mum and I aren't close as I was essentially raised by my nanny and at weekends dragged around places my parents wanted to go.

As for the getting old part, for me I long for the support of a sibling in the event that something were to happen to my parents. If I wasn't married and my parents were no longer here I would be alone in the world. For that reason I don't want my LO to be making decisions alone (if he ever has to) if my husband and I fall ill or to be alone when we're no longer here.

Essentially, whilst the way I was raised is not the way I want to raise my family, I don't hold it against my parents and I don't think it's worth getting stressed over, life is what we make of it x

 

[Orion]

I think as a child it wouldn't have been so bad but now as an adult I can't imagine not having my sister and know as our parents grow older I couldn't handle it alone... So it's not just their childhood to consider but their life as adults too x

Exactly

It's your choice what you want your family to look like - no kids, 1, 2...7.

I have siblings and although we didn't get along much as kids, I really appreciate them as an adult. Also, I might not have had everything an only child family could afford, but I couldn't put a price on my siblings. We didn't have lots of stuff, but we had each other when it mattered, and that's still as true today.

But at the end of the day it's something you and your OH have to decide. It's nobody else's business.

 

[Tmum]

After I had my first lb I was adamant I didn't want anymore for all the reasons you have stated. I had to work so hard and take a different path to get where I am career wise and I'm still not where I want to be but 4 years after having my lb it was a choice of having another baby or going back to uni to get where I want in my career. I had worked through a lot of the issues I had after I had my lb and I hadn't forgotten about the trauma I had throughout my pregnancy and labour and pnd but for some reason I was thinking differently. My lb was in P1 in school and the only person since preschool to be an only child. He even asked Santa for a sibling. I don't know if it was because I had started thinking about wanting another but then I started thinking we'd left it too long! We've now obviously had our 2nd and it's fantastic! I couldn't of had a more different labour!! It was amazing and I loved it! Recovery was so different also! I couldn't believe it!
I think what I'm trying to say is, yes def for some people 1 child is what they want and all is fab, some, like me think they only want 1 but down the line decide differently. Your lo is still so young, people are so quick to assume and put pressure on 'when's the next coming?' Do what suit you as a family and don't worry about other people, especially enjoy what you have now because they grow so quickly xx

 

[Robyner]

I definitely wont be having anymore children due to lots of factors, traumatic births, health, lifestyle choice, age of myself and my husband etc
We had a daughter who was still born and we now have a daughter aged two.
I have siblings and love it now, though growing up it wasnt easy.
I think its very thoughtless of people to generalise and say there will be social issues etc etc if you choose to have an only child. yes, i suppose it can happen, just the same as you could dislike your siblings and grow up not talking, i know plenty of examples. Everyone has issues as they grow and develop, if its not one thing, it will be another.
As quite a lot of people have said, its nobodys business and personal choice.

 

[JD.Deedee]

Is your OH going to look after the second child the majority of the time or will he leave that up to you? Also he isn't going to give birth again or go through 9 months of being pregnant again...

Pro's of an only child..
Travelling, is so much cheaper.. Once they turn two, you can forget about priority boarding and you have to pay a lot more to take the child along with you.. Nevermind multiples.. And so is studying...

All the stuff they go through as young'uns.. Nappies, wipes, baby milk or bottle attributes such as teats, dummies and bottle brushes.. Expensive.. Then they grow out of baby clothes and all them cute little outfits seem to double in price! With multiples that cost also multiplies.

Did I mention, children are expensive... Another birthday to plan, another christmas allowance to set, another place in nursery..

Having just the one is a luxury.. Imagine a free evening because your child decides to have a sleep over at x y z.. Try having a night alone with hubby or for yourself with multiple children.. Or just emergency child care, people are more prone and keen to take on one child over multiples when they are not theirs..

Or that only children sometimes can be very happy being an only child, there's more money available so they don't have to take their sibling into consideration... They have peace and undivided attention..

Everyday you wake up is a day closer to having a proper nights sleep again.

I was an only child until 7. It's my moms words, one child is a luxury.

 

[Colleen1988]

Haha jd, my Lo will be an only child and your post has just cemented that lol! xxx

 

[littlemonkey]

I'd ignore what everyone says and just do what you think is best. It doesn't stop if and when you have more kids. We have two boys and I've had people ask me if we'd have another so we could have a girl.

It doesn't really matter what you decide, your child(ren) will grow up and not know any different. I'm one of four and I do think there were times I didn't always get the time or emotional support I needed from my parents. But then my mum has a few issues and the more I look back on my childhood now I'm a mother of two, the more I think the problem was my mum, NOT that I was a middle child. I do like having a large family, but I don't really know any different. My siblings and I are all pretty close still. My OH on the other hand is also one of four and doesn't speak to his two brothers.

I must admit when my eldest was that young both OH and I were very adamant we were only ever having one. I had a decent pregnancy, but a difficult labour and ECS, PND and a grumpy refluxy baby who cried constantly. It wasn't until he was a year old we started talking about having another baby. Obviously we now have two. There's a lot of things that have changed since my eldest was that young to change our minds and our circumstances, too much to go into here. But I'm glad we chose to have another. Pregnancy was a nightmare second time around, but since he was born, everything has been much easier second time around. Definitely calling it a day at two, unless we adopt because I am never putting my body through another pregnancy like that again!!