can't breastfeed at mo and gutted

[handbagqueen]

Hi all,
been a bit stressful over the last week here as my little princess hasn't taken to the breast at all.
After a very stressful 4 days of no sleep and constant contractions, when she was born i tried to have skin to skin and get her to latch on herself but there was a useless midwife who wouldn't listen to my request for skin to skin and dressed her up and then when i finally got her on me my nipples were flat and she came along and said 'ooohh, you have flat nipples, you won't be able to bf, you'll have to get nipple shields'!! I couldn't believe she actually said this to me- I have never had flat nipples in my life- i think it was just cos i ws so drained and stressed.
I went up to my room and tried to latch her on again but had to really pinch and pull my boob to get it in her- a few midwives came in to help and we managed to get enough in her.
Still had a few problems the next day but i just put it down to tiredness and constant interuptions from various visitors so went home to try in our own environment. My 2 sisters came home with us to try and help but she slept for most of the evening so they couldn't really do much.
That night- and the next were awful, she would not settle in her carry cot and my dh and i had to take turns to hold her all night- we were shattered and not sure what we were doing wrong. She would only feed for 7 minutes at a time and then fell asleep, then she just wasn't latching on again so we thought she just wanted comfort sucking- so gave her a dummy (something I really didn;t want to do). This meant she was finally going down so we could get a bit of sleep each. But she was so unsettled and would wake constantly in the night.
When she was first weighed by the midwife at home she had only lost a little bit of weight, but when she was a week old i noticed that she was looking really pale and gaunt, she used to have such chubby cheeks but they had gone completely. It scared the hell out of me and i kept saying to everyone that she was wasting away but they all said i was being silly. when the midwife came on monday she noticed too and was really concerned- turns out she had lost 850g! Mw said to go on aptamil straightaway and that if she hadn't put on weight by weds she would have to go to hospital and go on a drip.
I was devastated, i didn't realise that she wasn't getting enough from me to that much of an extent. everyone kept telling me it was alright. mw came again yesterday as she was so concerned but saw that she looked alot fuller already- she said she was relieved as she was going to admit her if there hadn't been an improvement. She came again just now and weighed her and shes put on 300g so the formula is working thank god.
I'm still pumping to try and get my milk supply up as I think she was just getting so frustrated at the lack of supply eventually that she was too tired and worked up to eat. Now part of me wants to just give up on the bf'ing in case it happens again and then part of me feels so guilty for thinking like this and it has only been 11 days since she was born so i feel like i shouldn't give up but the stress has just been lifted slightly using the bottles. she's so much more content now that shes finally getting fed- the poor thing- i feel like i've failed her already making her suffer like that i couldn't bear it if it happened again.

Just wanted to get this off my chest so don't expect replies.

 

[lfc_sarah]

Its so hard in the beginning

 

[NICCI]

aww dont be silly hun u havent failed her!!! u gave her the colostrum which is soooo good for them!! if she is thriving on formula and u r getting more rest then id stick to it!! u should be proud most women would have given up much sooner! xxxxxxx

 

[kelsey]

YOU'VE NOT FAILED HER. The lack of support from mw's and hv's is absolutely shocking. You've been failed by them.

Ets - i've pm'd you

 

[Charlie:-)]

Dont beat yourself up about it you have done what you think is right for your LO if I was in your position I would probably have done the same sounds like you have had a pretty rough ride. Whats important is ensuring your LO is well and it sounds like you did the right thing.

Breastfeeding is very difficult especially in the early days, but you can return to BF if you really want to. It will be hard and will require a lot of patience and determination but it can be done. Keep putting your LO on the breast and have lots of skin to skin with her, spend 2-3 days in bed just cuddling and watching DVD's reading magazines. Encourage her to the breast and hopefully she will start to suckle again from you. Make sure you drink plenty of water between 8-12 glasses a day and try and rest when your LO does this will help your milk supply.

Good luck & dont be too hard on yourself whatever you decide to do.

 

[kalia]

That is pretty much why I ended up just feeding her expressed milk. We've been doing this for 17 weeks now and I have to say I'm very bored of it!

 

[Minxy]

Aw, poor you!

Your story sounds very similar to mine except I quit after a few days, when I saw how Stanley thrived on formula after one midwife said I was starving him.

I admire you for persevering, I wish I had. There are so many stories here of how lovely established breastfeeding is, it may be the inspiration to help you stick at it.

Good Luck xxxxxxx

 

[flowergirl]

Oh you poor thing

I had an unfounded worry about Kathryn's feeding in the first week and that was bad enough but to actually see your LO lose 850g- that must have been awful. I hope you are feeling a bit better and I'm glad your LO has gained a bit on the formula. You're doing the right thing expressing- at least the option to keep breast feeding will still be there for you. Breastfeeding inthe early weeks is exhausting and no-one can truly prepare you for how physically and mentally draining it can be.

Expressing gets easier the more you do it although in my experience hand expressing is by far the most efficient method. A lady at my local breast feeding network group showed me how to do it using a wooly boob

If you choose to continue breastfeeding make sure you let your LO feeds on demand to build up your supply again. You will need a group of very supportive people around you in order for this to work as all you should do is sit and feed baby and get drinks, food and entertainment brought to you!

Good luck - remember breast feeding is only best if mummy and baby are happy- so don;t beat yourself up if it doesn't work out.

 

[Sherlock]

Firstly

Secondly, you are not doing anything wrong. FWIW your LO is behaving like most every other newborn and just wanting to be close to someone and held. Its comforting to her. She has spent all those months inside you and suddenly thats gone. She will want the closeness of you, your smell, to hear your heartbeat and to feel secure. Putting her in her carry cot is why she was unsettled. I know its hard work but I've rarely heard of a baby who'll be happy to sleep on their own in a cot or crib in the early weeks. Most sleep either on a parent, in the arms of one or in bed with them. So please know what she is doing there is perfectly normal and she'll take time to get used to being on her own.

And yes it is bloody exhuasting. Combine that with trying to establish BF'ing and its knackering beyond belief. I'd suggest your and your OH maybe look at sleeping opposite each other for a little while, ie you go to bed at 8pm and get a few hours while your OH cuddles and cares for LO and then he gets some kip while you have her and doze also.

Breastfeeding - the more you cuddle and have skin on skin the more likely you are to produce. Keep letting her feed. Have you contacted your HV or a breastfeeding counsellor to see if she is latching properly? Give them a chance to help you before you give up on BF'ing totally. It can be a bit tricky in the beginning getting a good latch. Take to your bed for a couple of days with her. Have lots of skin on skin, cuddles and encouarge her to feed from your boobs. Try different positions for it also. If you can feed lying down it might be easier, or rugby ball style.

I'd be wary of a dummy so early also as it can cause nipple confusion especially if its a flat one. They don't encourage the same sucking action as she will need to do on your boob. So less likely to latch well on your boob. If you want your LO to get used to your boob then keep offering her that, not the dummy. Hide them away unless she develops colic. She is needing your boob to help build up your supply. Its normal she is more or less attached to it in the early weeks. Giving her the dummy is not really helping her get the supply going for you. I know you feel she wants comforting and she does. But do that with cuddles and so on, not with the dummy. The more she feeds the better it will be for both of you.

Yes it is hard work. I remember the sleepless days and nights well. My hubby and I both did what you have done for a couple of weeks. He and I took it in shifts overnight so LO would settle with one of us while the other slept for a few hours. I'd have to wake regardless to feed and get the supply built up. So I understand totally where you are coming from.

If you really want to give BF'ing a go then persevere. Be stubborn. It will be hard work for a little while but once established its such a great thing to do.

Just remember her not settling is because she is not used to being away from you yet. She needs and wants to be close. Its normal. So is the sleep deprivation while she does this. I think this is what many find hard in the early weeks. But women do get through it.

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

Do not feel bad formula isnt a bad thing you did what was best for your Daughter
I hope my story will help i had to give a top for the first 6 weeks as my supply wasnt enough for Collier he needed just that bit more
some may say i gave into the MV advice and gave a top up but i did what was best for my Son and it worked for me and for him I did i admit beat myself up about givin him forumla as i felt a failure as a Mam but i came to relise the choice i made was the best thing i could have done for him

But i perservered and 99% of his feeds were breast milk he then at 6 weeks old let me know that Mammy was now making enough and hasnt had a formula since he's now at 3months old 15lb. 1 half oz 8)

So keep at it hun but if is dosnt work dont beat yourself up about it as long as your daughter id happy and thriving then thats what counts

 

[Redshoes]

Do whatever works for you and your baby, and work towards you all being happy and healthy, no matter how that comes, you will ALWAYS do your best for your little girl because you're her Mummy and no-one will try harder to please her than you, be kind to yourself and take time to reflect on what's recently happened, talk it out and keep trying to get that much needed rest too. Very, very best wishes

 

[clarey]

What Redshoes said hun, dont stress too much, you are doing your absolute best for your baby so dont worry. If you are pumping to keep up your supply are you giving her the expressed milk? I would try and do lots of skin-skin if you are determined to breastfeed, it really works wonders and its a great excuse to snuggle up in bed together. Do it anyway it will make you feel better even if you are going to stick with the formula! Lots of dont feel bad x

 

[MissSara]

I know how you are feeling, i also had to give up with the breastfeeding, simply because Benjamin is a very very hungry baby and i couldn't fill him, which was upsetting him, upsetting me and making us both unhappy.

Yes i cried and felt like i had failed when i first fed him a bottle of formula and i was watching him drink it and saying to OH, i should be feeding him!!!
BUT
You have to do what is better for baby and yourself, what makes you both happier and meets your baby's needs and if its formula milk then so be it.
After i had made the switch, Benjamin is a much happier baby, which makes me happier and i have the feeling that i did the right thing.

No one knows their baby better tha mummy, so whatever you decide to do it will be the right choice.

 

[Laur_250]

Firstly congratulations I think we had the same due date!

I can completely relate as when Reggie was born 4 weeks early, we stayed in hospital for 3 days with him in SCBU trying to bfeed but he just wouldnt latch on despite having a breastfed straight after birth.

He was cup fed by the nurses (policy was we weren't allowed to) while we kept trying and eventually the nurses advised us to start bottle feeding him formula as this was the only way we were gonna get to take him home. My milk still hadnt come in so I kept trying to express.

So we went home on day 3 equipt with formula and I felt like an absolute failure I really was so upset that I was giving him it and convinced myself my milk was never gonna come and I was a useless mother.

The next day it did and it was the best feeling in the world seeing that milk in the pump! From then until recently Reggie has been exclusively bottle fed my milk and also breastfeeding using nipple shields as they resembled the teat so he could latch on to them.......it has been hard but if you read my post from today you will see that after 6 weeks of exclusive bottle feeding expressed milk, Reggie is now latching on (all be it uncomfertabley for me!) and breastfeeding, so it is still possible even if you dont get the best start like me!

And even if you do end up sticking with formula, thats not a failur on your part, you are feeding your baby the best way that suits you and thats all that matters. PM me if you want any advice on anything and stay positive.xxx