Can I have a bit of advice?

[Simoneh00]

I need some advise from ladies with experience so I hope you don't mind me posting in here

My good friend suffered her second 2nd trimester miscarriage a few weeks ago. It's been horrendous for her and her family.
At first she, understandably, didn't want to speak to me. Then she would text from time to time and we'd chat but never about my pregnancy.
She put on facebook today "I hate pregnant women. All of them. Every last one." to which I commented, "well I still love you sweety " I've now received a message saying how insensitive it was etc. Not from her though.

What should I do ladies? The last thing on earth I want to do is upset her. Do I cut contact for a while? Text and apologise? Im stuck
Any advise much appreciated xx

tapatalking!!!

 

[MrsL84]

Ah it's a tough one hun, talking from experience , I've had miscarriage and stillbirth and at time of my stillbirth my best friend was still pregnant, we was due coUple weeks apart, she was just there for me and did t put pregnancy or baby in my face and that made helped me,and I even went to see her little girl day she was born which also killed me, now am pregnant again,my cousin due same time as me and she just had 12 weeks Scan today to be told baby sopped growing few weeks ago so now am on the other side of it, although bit diff. I think just ignore the comment about it being insensitive I don't think you was at all, and just let your friend k ow your there for her any time and I'm
Sure she will be fine with you. Xx

 

[Simoneh00]

Thank you. Just trying not to upset anyone. We already had a talk about me not minding that she doesn't ask about my pregnancy and stuff, she's blocked all the baby gaga stuff off fb and I just don't mention anything pregnancy related. I just talk nonsense with her and we moan about our other halves. I just really don't want to say something that would put her off coming to me if she needs me. Some of her other 'friends' have been horrendous. One faked a m/c DAYS after she delivered her first angel! Xx

tapatalking!!!

 

[Sunbeam638]

I don't think your comment was insensitive at all xx

After 2 mcs be it that I didn't mc in second tri which is just such a sad thing to happen to anyone, FB can spark all sorts of things off. I don't put anything on there that's personal and when I mc I just kerbed the pg friends updates not because by reading posts I wAs reminded of my own loss. Don't worry, she posted on Facebook to voice her feelings and you responded nicely. V.sad about your friend though xxx

 

[MrsL84]

Yeah i think that's best way, my friend also understood that I didn't want baby stuff in my face 24/7, and we just still did lunch etc just moaned about ry other aspect of life
do as your doing, shame about some of her other so called 'friends' aye!x

 

[Simoneh00]

My mum lost two babies at 28 weeks so she's been giving me some advice. Unbelievable that people would cross the road from a woman just because they don't know what to say. Eh say hi! Ffs x

tapatalking!!!

 

[jojo3972]

it is a very tough one and for me i had dif feelings on both my mcs last yrs one wasnt to bad if am honest and pregnant woman didnt bother me much at all butt his time i feel realy resentfull to pregnant friends i think why me why not them and its a horrible feeling i can understand how ur friend is feeling totaly altho i would never put anything on fb like that at all but i have steered clear of pregnant friends and i cant bare to talk to them about pregnancy , last week my lovely mam had asked my bros gf to take her scan off her dp for a couple days i had no idea she wass doing this she was just thinking about my feelings is all so my bro asked his gf whome then took it all the wrong way accusing my bro and mamk of wanting her to hide her pregnancy and that no one cared about her baby she is 24 weeks pregnant with a girl,well she then put summet on fb like sick of having to hide things which i asked wat did she mean and she proceeded to put all my buisness about the mc and that she was told no she wasnt she was asked to take her dp pick just to spare my feelings but the way she put it was horrible and other ppl were commenting saying how wrong it was for her to take her pic off well i lost the plot with her at that poinjt i had just come out of hospital and she was airing all my washing on her fb i was fuming i tell ya but anywyas i took her off my fb i couldnt stand her anyways but that just pushed me over the edge she can kiss my arse all my mam was doing was thinking about my feelings and that is all and i have rabbited to much lol,i wouuld just let her cool down a bit she is hurting bad real bad she will come to u wen she can just let her know u are there for her when she wants to talk to you and that u love her lots xxx

 

[Simoneh00]

Thanks luv. I try not to post preggy stuff or moan about pregnancy on there cause it's not just you or my friend I've spoken about that have had heartbreak lately unfortunately xx

tapatalking!!!

 

[jojo3972]

or simone dont worry about it i was more refearing to like close friends that i have known a long time im slowly getting there and i hope soon il be able to talk more about pregnancy cos i hate the way im feeling atm about it all its not me at all once i get bk ttc again i think it will be a lot easier xx

 

[Simoneh00]

The absolute angel that she is has just text asking if Im excited about my scan on Friday. Wish I could make her a sticky baby and stick it in with super glue she's such an awesome mummy to her kids and angels x

tapatalking!!!

 

[MrsL84]

Ah bless her, see maybe coz u been there and understanding she kinda wants to be there for u too, I know that's how it was for me and my friend. As for people not knowing what to say!! Tell me about it, def find out who your real mates are when life goes cr*p x

 

[lizsamuel80]

What I hate seeing on facebook is pregnant people complaining. It hurts to know they don't fully appreciate where they are. I did make a status a long those lines and I got "I bet your pregnancies were just plain smooth sailing" I wanted to open up a can of worms but deleted my status it was getting too emotional for me. Because no they weren't but even though I'd never had a MC before recently I did feel uncomfortable scared (the first one) and sometimes in pain. I would always remind myself it was all for my baby. I did like the fact that one person said thank god some one spoke the words, and I got 12 likes. that was up lifting.

It felt so good to feel sick in Jan all the time. So tied my kids would ask if I was OK. Now....... I just feel sad most of the time.

For me I know it's jealousy which I hope will disappear when my due date rolls around in the next few weeks.

Anyway as for your friend, it will take a lot of time. she is hurting an probably does not like the person she is right now. She will come around adventurally just please don't be offended if she can't pop in to see you for a while after you have the bub

 

[dyscochick]

It sounds like your friend is actually doing really well and bless her for remembering your scan. I don't think your comment was insensitive, hers was a reaction to the situation, although not well though through either. Its noone elses fault that you struggle and what I tried to remember was that people don't know what has gone on behind a successful pregnancy. For all anyone knows someone announcing a pregnancy on facebook has had several miscarriages that noone knows about, or tried to get pregnant for 3 years. Some people are lucky and it works first time for them, for many others there is a much bigger story behind the facebook status and its worth everyone remembering that. Many people don't know about my mc, and when we announce at our wedding there may be people who have had problems that want to react like that, but regardless of my mc, i was always happy for other people, just sad for myself.