Buying stuff too early...

[Jamie.d]

Selfish post!!
I feel like a brat but I'm so close to tears!
I told OH not to buy any stuff or that I didn't want any stuff in the house too early! His sister has been so lovely she knows we're struggling with money and kindly given us absolutely everything! And they're bringing it over now!
I've miscarried 7 times and I'm only 18+4 so I hadn't bought anything big yet! Literally bought one teeny baby grow as I get too scared to have anything until at least the third tri...
I feel so angry and upset and not listened to and now I just feel ungrateful to top it all off!
Not to mention I've politely turned down a tommee tippee prep machine and an array of bottles because all I've ever done is breastfeed! And I'm not starting formula now! But it's all on it's way anyway and now I have to find room for it!!!
Rant.

 

[Shanivy]

Ahhh hormones hun!!

I get that you would maybe not want stuff early. Any way you can just say "Look I appreciate that you're giving me stuff for the baby. But given how many times I've lost my pregnancies, I'm a little wary of bringing it all in yet. So maybe you could keep it all a little while" But also lovely, nothing you do or buy will affect baby in any way, buying too early won't jinx you or anything like that. It's totally up to you what you do, but you know that right? I don't think you sound ungrateful just like someone who knows what losing a baby feels like. You've felt baby and youre already almost halfway there, you're doing great

I get the prep machine though for that I'd simply say thank you but I'm breastfeeding so I'd not want to take it off you and end up just chucking it when it may be a godsend for someone else.

Hugs & deep breaths. People just want to be helpful but may not have any idea what it's like to be in your shoes, with your history, and your fears. So feel free to explain that to them and make them understand. Xxx

 

[Jamie.d]

You always make so much sense! I'm so irrational sometimes lol
It's not too bad, all in bags shut in what will be the nursery so I don't really have to hjnk about it, it's also bagged up so I'm not going to look through it until closer to the time x

 

[Shepherdess]

try not to get upset over this, I doubt his sister knows how you're feeling. like you say you can shut the door on it all for a while until you're ready band then you'll nearly be kitted out which will be great.

as for the perfect prep just politely decline it again and suggest she sells it

 

[Shanivy]

No worries hun. That's it just leave it there for the time being. At least you've no stress about things you need to get in asap, that's a positive thing. Plenty of time to go through it when you're ready xx

 

[russellmuscle]

My mum believes in that stuff too. I had all my stuff in early as I believe you kind of get it whilst you are in the position to in case for some reason you end up not being. I have miscarried previously but when I had my youngest (post MC) I decided not to let superstitions stop any opportunities for us. Plus I am also a believer of what will be will be.

However if you don't want it stored at your house you could opt for private storage or a friend/family member maybe help store it in a list. There is no harm looking through and giving away what you don't think you will use to a mother/baby who will use it and are perhaps in need - that way you aren't asking for more than you need to be stored elsewhere. There is no superstition about looking through baby items early. Likewise no rules applies so if it is in your house, then its in your house regardless if its looked at.

Try not to worry and good luck.

Cx

 

[Jamie.d]

My mum believes in that stuff too. I had all my stuff in early as I believe you kind of get it whilst you are in the position to in case for some reason you end up not being. I have miscarried previously but when I had my youngest (post MC) I decided not to let superstitions stop any opportunities for us. Plus I am also a believer of what will be will be.

However if you don't want it stored at your house you could opt for private storage or a friend/family member maybe help store it in a list. There is no harm looking through and giving away what you don't think you will use to a mother/baby who will use it and are perhaps in need - that way you aren't asking for more than you need to be stored elsewhere. There is no superstition about looking through baby items early. Likewise no rules applies so if it is in your house, then its in your house regardless if its looked at.

Try not to worry and good luck.

Cx

I suppose this is somewhat true.. I miscarried my second at around 12 weeks and had bought lots of stuff...couldn't bear to look at it after I kept miscarrying so I sent all to charity shops and that is honestly what puts me off buying anything before the third tri.. not the fact that i'm superstitious but sorting through it all when you've lost everything you wanted is a nightmare I never want to relive! Trust me after you miscarry again and again you start to give up hope altogether...

My silly worries aside I am so so grateful we have the stuff.. his sister is so lovely and has told us to sell the prep machine to buy the things we will need! OH is being so understanding and so is his mum, I'm glad I piped up and said something rather than letting it fester just feeling incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so much love and support

 

[russellmuscle]

My mum believes in that stuff too. I had all my stuff in early as I believe you kind of get it whilst you are in the position to in case for some reason you end up not being. I have miscarried previously but when I had my youngest (post MC) I decided not to let superstitions stop any opportunities for us. Plus I am also a believer of what will be will be.

However if you don't want it stored at your house you could opt for private storage or a friend/family member maybe help store it in a list. There is no harm looking through and giving away what you don't think you will use to a mother/baby who will use it and are perhaps in need - that way you aren't asking for more than you need to be stored elsewhere. There is no superstition about looking through baby items early. Likewise no rules applies so if it is in your house, then its in your house regardless if its looked at.

Try not to worry and good luck.

Cx

I suppose this is somewhat true.. I miscarried my second at around 12 weeks and had bought lots of stuff...couldn't bear to look at it after I kept miscarrying so I sent all to charity shops and that is honestly what puts me off buying anything before the third tri.. not the fact that i'm superstitious but sorting through it all when you've lost everything you wanted is a nightmare I never want to relive! Trust me after you miscarry again and again you start to give up hope altogether...

My silly worries aside I am so so grateful we have the stuff.. his sister is so lovely and has told us to sell the prep machine to buy the things we will need! OH is being so understanding and so is his mum, I'm glad I piped up and said something rather than letting it fester just feeling incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so much love and support

That's it. I don't think your coming off as ungrateful at all and if it was me offering and you says I'd rather not atm I'd be totally fine with that. Some ladies esp after a loss are quite cautious around that stuff.

I just wouldn't want you to miss an opportunity. Even though babies are expensive they also require little so it saves you buying in things that your baby might not use or whatever. It's always a good starting point when someone else buys or helps out with stuff.

I gave all my baby stuff to my wee cousin who has just had a boy. I didn't even spend loads this time with it being my second I kind of knew where to save buying rubbish but like that every baby is different and with my second I ended up buying in 3bottle sets before he settled on mam. My first took TT bottles and never changed so the next time I'd prob just get a few of the smaller freebies that the companies send and then see what baby likes. We have a prep machine and it's fab. After that whole bacteria scare we now run a milton tab through our clean cycle and never had an issue with it. It's a noisey wee bugger during the night but fab!

xxx

 

[Jamie.d]

I usually buy next to nothing, my list is soooo short!
Like breast pads and granny pants/pads some nappies and clothes and a bed for bubba...OH and a sling!! my lifesaver lol!

So having all the stuff is like...why! lol its a fortune's worth of stuff and the baby is only 5 months old, barely used any of it!
although I suppose with my first I bought slightly more because I was excited