Bottling up emotions

[Coconutmartini]

Ttc first cycle 9dpo and I'm feeling very anxious and excited. Have had a lot of cramps and sharp pains which I'm not used to. Testing tomorrow. Got a line on a clear blue today but not sure if it's an evap line as it appeared an hour or so after the test was done.
Feeling very alone. My partner is very laid back about the whole thing, doesn't talk about it unless i bring it up. When ever i have a symptom he just kinda shrugs it off. He can sit and watch the football without giving it all a second thought. I'm not saying he doesn't want this but he's just very laid back and takes each day as it comes.
I can't talk to my friends because one may have fertility issues and has been broody recently and the other has just been through an abortion after a relationship breakdown. I feel like I'm bottling up all my emotions

Will be glad when the 2ww is over!

 

[IVW]

Ttc first cycle 9dpo and I'm feeling very anxious and excited. Have had a lot of cramps and sharp pains which I'm not used to. Testing tomorrow. Got a line on a clear blue today but not sure if it's an evap line as it appeared an hour or so after the test was done.
Feeling very alone. My partner is very laid back about the whole thing, doesn't talk about it unless i bring it up. When ever i have a symptom he just kinda shrugs it off. He can sit and watch the football without giving it all a second thought. I'm not saying he doesn't want this but he's just very laid back and takes each day as it comes.
I can't talk to my friends because one may have fertility issues and has been broody recently and the other has just been through an abortion after a relationship breakdown. I feel like I'm bottling up all my emotions

Will be glad when the 2ww is over!

My OH is similar, he doesn't ask questions AT ALL and almost rolls his eyes when I say I am at my most fertile. This baby making business is almost like hard work for us both

But what I think guys need to realise is how mentally draining ttc actually is I actually had no idea the window was so small and that knowing when you are ovulating is a massive thing and then having to do tests beforehand as well, its a lot to think about and heightens pressure, but I can imagine the majority of men will never understand that (no offence to the men out there who are amazing and supporting their partner).

Last month I had a fair few funny symptoms, but I might as well have been speaking to a brick wall about then - he just crumbled and that was it.

thank god for this forum!

 

[Coconutmartini]

Your right. Women do so much research into their cycle, timings etc and men just have the if it happens it happens attitude, there's nothing wrong with that but your the one that's making all the effort with it all.
I just wish he would show a bit emotion....a bit enthusiasm and try and get excited with me. I can just see us getting a bfp and him saying oh that's good and then not make a big fuss....and it will continue like that through scans then the birth.
He's so laid back he's horizontal.
He was just anything the other day he would happily wait 12 weeks before telling his parents. I couldn't wait that long seeing as they would be over the moon.

 

[IVW]

Your right. Women do so much research into their cycle, timings etc and men just have the if it happens it happens attitude, there's nothing wrong with that but your the one that's making all the effort with it all.
I just wish he would show a bit emotion....a bit enthusiasm and try and get excited with me. I can just see us getting a bfp and him saying oh that's good and then not make a big fuss....and it will continue like that through scans then the birth.
He's so laid back he's horizontal.
He was just anything the other day he would happily wait 12 weeks before telling his parents. I couldn't wait that long seeing as they would be over the moon.

He might really surprise you, you never know.

The reality of seeing it in 'black and white' can really hit home and he might change his reactions and responses completely.

 

[MoominGirl]

This is always really difficult as men and women typically deal with TTC differently. As you're in the early months, I would try and let him deal with things his way if you can and find ways to deal with it yourself. This forum is amazing for that.

Just to give different perspective. We were unlucky enough to be trying for 3 years and had a much tougher time than we expected. I can honestly say my OH was amazing and I couldn't have got through it with anyone else. A big part of keeping the relationship strong was having a really long talk about how we both saw things and truly accepting that we just dealt with it differently. It actually helped me in the end for him not to be too enthusiastic as I always felt more heartbroken if I felt his disappointment too.

Try to channel his laid back attitude into keeping you calm. You and him are the most important thing in all of this. Even after all we went through, we did wait til 12 weeks to tell the parents. It felt right as in the end we wanted it to be just for us for that short time. We felt we'd earned it. There's no right or wrong way to do things. Just as long as it works for both of you.

 

[Coconutmartini]

I think I'm so sensitive about it is because I had my dd when I was 18. I'm 38 now. When I was pregnant with my daughter the dad wasn't involved. My parents were furious with me too and I had to move back home after losing my job after a redundancy too. I lost everything I had ever worked for and moved away from my friends. I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings because my pregnancy was seen as a negative thing. Nobody wanted me to be pregnant. There was no fuss or getting excited.

Of course things are so much different now my daughter is here. She us very loved by all the family. We have our own house with my partner who I've been with for seven years. I have a good job now. Everything is ok but I guess this time round I want a bit fuss and attention, is that selfish?

 

[Coconutmartini]

Oh gosh. I'm 28 not 38 oops

 

[Chase]

My husband is the same. I've been through 2 pregnancies and he's not really been involved. This will be my 3rd and I've spoken to him and asked him if he can try and be more involved and excited with me this time as I want to enjoy every moment of it. Might be worth a chat telling him exactly how you feel

 

[IVW]

I think I'm so sensitive about it is because I had my dd when I was 18. I'm 38 now. When I was pregnant with my daughter the dad wasn't involved. My parents were furious with me too and I had to move back home after losing my job after a redundancy too. I lost everything I had ever worked for and moved away from my friends. I didn't talk to anyone about my feelings because my pregnancy was seen as a negative thing. Nobody wanted me to be pregnant. There was no fuss or getting excited.

Of course things are so much different now my daughter is here. She us very loved by all the family. We have our own house with my partner who I've been with for seven years. I have a good job now. Everything is ok but I guess this time round I want a bit fuss and attention, is that selfish?

Absolutely not and now you have explained the situation of your past, i totally get why you feel the way you do.

After such a negative vibe of the last pregnancy, i dont blame you for wanting what you didnt have last time, but then you also cant force it, so just see what happens during your cycles and maybe not mention when you are ovulating and just get him dtd totally oblivious, then have a little release on here

I think whats also harder is when you are ttc, most people will keep it to themselves, so you cant talk about it really - well i dont. My sister is the only one who knows and thats purely because she guessed, but wanted me to say, so i bore her to death so i dont bother OH with stuff he really doesnt understand or care about, he just wants to know when the window is and thats it

 

[Chase]

I'd also say using this forum to talk about the crazy side of ttc is a good release. If I talked to hubby about ttc as much as I want to I think I'd be divorced. Instead we agreed on a chat a day to check in with each other, find out how the other feels and what we can do to help each other