Bottle feeding a newborn... needing some support :(

[daftscotslass]

Just me in need of another whinge.

As those of you who read my birth story might know I struggled to feed my little Rebecca in her first two days because of the side effects of a failed epidural. Tried to get her to latch on for over an hour at each feed to no avail and was well supported by the staff in the hospital in my efforts to feed her myself. For the sake of her health and my sanity they suggested a bottle top up whilst persevering but after 2 days I had little to no colostrum and nothing by Wednesday. I decided with my partner to switch to bottles because it was upsetting me and, in turn, upsetting Rebecca

I spoke to the clinical support worker yesterday (she was in instead of the midwife) and told me that I shouldn't feel I have to justify myself to anyone about my decision, especially not because the decision was really out of my hands. Even if I'd decided to formula feed from birth, she said, it's nobody else's business but mine about how I feed my baby. I'm trying my hardest to do this but amongst the hormones it's hard!

The last straw was last night on the phone to my mother in law who I haven't spoken to much since the birth and although she is (apparently) accepting of the bottle feeding, she had to get a dig in last night and say "it must be strange to have these 2 things on your chest that don't work". I didn't know what to say.

Anyway I'll stop ranting, needed to get it out, I'm off to enjoy our wee girl.

 

[Adele]

Well first off I've been there twice so I know how you feel.

Secondly your MIL was well out of order in saying that! As if you arn't feeling down enough all ready.

the support worker is absolutely right, its your decision and no body elses business, no one had the right to try and make you feel bad about anything because you are only doing what is best for you and baby.

I felt like a complete failer, beat myself up feeling guilty for weeks afterwards til i finally accepted that it was ok and that i didnt HAVE to be BF to feel like im a good mom. my first was tongue tied so couldnt latch on anyway, plus i didnt have much in the way of support at the hospital. with paige i persisted for about 2 days but for those 2 days she was near enough constantly attached to me. every time i went to put her down, even just to goto the loo by the time i got back she was crying to feed again. as she was also being given anti biotics every 12 hours i felt really bad for her and then also thinking i was starving her wasnt helping so i gave her a top up bottle feed. she then sleep for about 5 hours and was bottle fed near enough all of the next day as she was so hungry.

anyway, my point is please dont feel guilty or beat yourself up about it, as hard as that is because your bodys telling you you should be feeding her yourself. your doing the best by you and your baby, and imo and experience its best for baby to be getting food and a happy mommy than a stressed out mommy. i hope you get more support and dont let anyone else put you down about it, just enjoy your little girl

 

[purple13]

how dare your mil say something like that to you

don't feel bad hon

 

[mrs_tommo22]

First of all ive been there twice as well and im sorry you have found breastfeeding hard and are switching to formula - its not poison though and i have raised two children on formula and both are perfectly healthy and very happy.

Like you i switched because i was unhappy and my babies were too, and after the change i didnt regret my desison as life was easier and my kids were happy.

If you need any help at all or formula questions feel free to pm me

 

[Gene]

I know exactly how you feel
I was riddled with guilt when I had to stop breastfeeding - I didn't dare tell my health visitor at first. My family were very supportive and so this did help. Your MIL has no right passing comment on something she has absolutley no control over. I was told that at the end of the day you have to do what is right for your LO and yourself - it's no one elses business. I've stopped justifying myself to people who ask how I'm feeding. It is hard in the early days and I did cry a fair bit! But it does get easier - I'm here if you need to talk having just gone through it all recently.
Gene
xxx

 

[Full of hope!]

That's an awful thing for your MIL to say!

I tried to BF my son too but it just didn't work out. One of the reasons was because I have quite flat nips and he had trouble latching on and staying on too! I was stressed, he was stressed and hungry and in the end I gave up and decided that it was best for BOTH of us if I bottle fed him formula.

Yes, I felt really guilty at first, I worried what people would say or think and I always tried to justify myself to people when they asked if I was BF. However, I now think that I made the right decision. He is absolutly thriving now and we are both very happy

Your little girl will do just fine on formula! Hold your head up high and don't let people upset you about not BF. Formula feeding your baby does not make you a bad mother.

Enjoy every minute of being a mum and watching your baby grow

 

[clarey]

My goodness what a lovely lady your MIL is!!
How thoughtless, you would think she would be a bit more supportive when youve just given her a grandchild!
Just concentrate on you and your baby and what is best for both of you, the first few weeks are hard enough without having to worry about others opinions! Have a few

 

[Babylicious]

oh no what an awful thing to say.

 

[Becky]

That's a pathetic thing to say!!

Breast feeding comes down to luck and situation as much as anything so who is she to judge you.

You made the best decision for the well-being of your daughter, don't let her make you feel bad, sometimes being a parent means making difficult decisions, you don't deserve to be judged for the choices you make.

 

[Pregnopaws]

Whichever decision a mother makes, it is personal and should not be criticised. Breastfeeding is VERY difficult to sustain and there are all sorts of hurdles involved and when LO was born I said that if it didn't work out for me or the baby, I would not go down the guilt path but just take each day as it comes. I happened to be lucky as I had gallons of milk and LO sucked for England, and even then I still found it REALLY hard to keep going as my nipples were sore day and night, and I was knackered 24/7 and like you said, unable to even go to the loo as he was so constantly attached. A small part of me even wanted it to go wrong so that I could find an excuse to quit but then I felt guilty for those thoughts and carried on. Why the guilt? There is not nearly enough support out there, that is true.

Breastfeeding is great yes, but babies don't die on formula or lack of breast milk anyway so I don't understand the whole pressure thing, which is really horrible for mothers to go through. Good on you for sticking to your guns and my MIL said that to me I'd have replied.... "even more strange to have something between your ears that doesn't work!"

 

[MissThing]

Oh hun!

First of all

Formula feeding is ALRIGHT! You tried brestfeed, it didnt work, so what?!
You shouldnt punish yourself at all!

Enjoy your LO! You are doing the best you can, and just for some of us breastfeeding dont work. And it is not something you can control.

Dont listen to anybody

 

[daftscotslass]

Pregnopaws that was just what I needed and I won't be afraid to use that . One of my best friends was over today and without prompting didn't think twice about my decision. Had a good old rant to her and it helped having a girly shoulder for support.

Really, thanks everyone, I just look at her little face and know I'm doing right by her and us.

 

[lauramumof2]

"it must be strange to have these 2 things on your chest that don't work". I didn't know what to say.
m off to enjoy our wee girl.

Turn round and tell her that you get no complaints off her son. That will shut her up.

Bottle feeding is not easy by a long shot. Joe was a nightmare to bottle feed for the first few months. I spent a flipping fortune on bottle and teats and it took a while. Now I cant get him off it.

Take care

 

[beanie]

that was a very unfair thing to say. glad to hear you are feeling better, and congratulations on the arrival of your baby girl

 

[beanie]

that was a very unfair thing to say. glad to hear you are feeling better, and congratulations on the arrival
of your baby girl