Bit fed up. MW's appt cancelled + OH lack of interest

[Sabrina]

Last night OH and I had an argument and I was really upset after he left. I couldn't sleep much, was crying a lot.. and consequently have had a headache all morning.

The doctors rang this morning to say the MW is sick. So my appointment got cancelled and I'm now going to see a doctor instead. I'm disappointed because I wanted to ask the MW about AN classes etc. I don't feel like the doctors are that interested about pregnancy.

I didn't hear from OH all morning, till just now, when he text me. He didn't make any mention of the MW appointment.. not at all. Seems he's forgotten. I know he's been busy and it's not really on a man's mind so much as it is ours but he hardly ever mentions the baby.

Sometimes when I read on here about other Dads to be getting excited it makes me feel sad I feel like I'm a bit on hold. We've not gone baby shopping at all, don't talk about any preparations etc, is that normal? Will he get more into it as time goes on??

Sorry for the long post. Needed to get it off my chest and feel a bit better having said it. I know you ladies are a good crowd and don't mind the odd "vent"


Sabrina
x

 

[valentine]

Hi Sabrina,

You rant away! You certainly do lots of work to support me so now it's my turn to do the same for you.

Firstly - the m/w. I sympathise with this one as I understand how frustrating and clinical doctors can be. Can you go and see the doc anyway this afternoon (without your OH if he's being difficult), then make another appointment for next week (or whatever) to see the m/w? Then you get the best of both worlds and get to see 2 medical professionals. Hopefully OH can come with you to the new m/w appointment.

Although sometimes when writing on a forum, people can sound like they have perfect partners, I'm fairly sure everyone single pregnant woman gets frustrated at some point with their partners' lack of interest. I sometimes refrain from moaning about mine (even on here anoymously -sp?!) as stupidly it feels like a slight betrayal. I bought him a pregnancy book for new dads - has he read it - NO! Has he taken the scan photos to show friends/colleagues - NO! Does he do more housework than normal - NO! Does he worry about what I'm eating/do the food shopping/make nutrious soups - NO! But he still cares in his own way.

I think that men find it really difficult to relate to before you are openly (bump out loud and proud) pregnant. We (women) feel things happening every day and our whole lives have changed including our career paths, how we go to sleep at night, what we eat/drink etc all of which make it impossible to ignore for us. Our men look at us and see a slightly more harassed, hormonal woman, but other than that - nothing has changed (yet!). They are simple creatures and often can't see something unless it's put under their noses and pointed out to them.

I guess what I'm trying to say (probably not much comfort to you!) is that you are not alone - and I'm sure your OH doesn't mean to make you think he's disinterested or doesn't care - he just forgets because he's male and it's not happening inside him.

Would you consider sitting down with him and having a really good chat in the morning on a day off when you are both calm and relaxed and maybe going for a walk or lunch afterwards. As you know, me and my OH did this last Saturday - we didn't get through everything as it was quite a heavy conversation (and I had an appointment to get my eyebrows waxed so had to go!) but was so successful that we are doing it again this Saturday. This might not work for everyone, but works for us as it isn't accusatory or stressful (not after work and during the footie on the TV) and allows us to sit with a couple of notebooks and the internet and make lists and plans. We actually wrote a list of Things to Do (and assigned them to each other) and another list of what we think we'll need and have plans to talk about how to afford everything and when we're going shopping at this weekend's 'summit'(!).

We haven't gone shopping yet and aren't doing this until Easter. No rush and I'm scared to jinx everything.

V. long reply, I'm sorry and I've still got so much to say! Does that help at all?

Love

Valentine xxx

 

[bizzygirl101]

Hi Sabrina

I totally empathise. I'm sure my OH actually forgets that I am pregnant, he is too freaked out by the baby growing inside me that he wont touch my bump. He is holding the fact that I get 9 months off work against me, and even tho we could afford it if I went back 2 days a week he is insisting that I go back 3 days. He is not at all excited and never mentions it to anyone. His friend whose girlfriend is also pregnant has spoken to me about it a gizallion times more and is genuinely thrilled and interested which makes it much worst.

He has also blatently stated that babies are boring and he wont be interested until it can walk/talk!

 

[topbird]

Hi Sabrina

You are having a rough day aren't you! Aunty valentine is spot on as always! So I will just take the easy option and hear hear everything she has said.

Some of the blokes at work (I work mainly with men) have been talking to me about how freaked out they were by their wifes and girlfriends being pregnant as they feel totally helpless and useless for the entire 9 months. He may be struggling to come to terms with it as valentine says which you can hopefully work on together.

I know I am totally blessed as my DH has been great, but he had to get scared in to it by me being so poorly at 5 - 7 weeks... I can not even yawn loudly now with out him jumping out of his skin, he is so on edge sometimes.

Hope the doctors appt is/ was better than you thought and you still get to see the MW.

Take care

 

[Sabrina]

Hello everyone

Thanks for your lovely messages of support and wise words from Valentine, Bizzy and TopBird as usual. I'm sorry to hear some of you also have OH's who haven't grasped this pregnancy lark yet (although I must admit it does make me feel a bit better to know I'm not alone). TopBird - you got lucky Hang on to your OH!

Well I went to the doctors appointment. Was sat in the waiting room when all of a sudden in walks OH!! I was totally shocked. He'd taken the afternoon off and drove 1/2 hour to the surgery to come with me. Bless him. I felt quite bad for dissing him earlier.

I remembered just before I went into see the doc that I had to take a wee sample. Unfortunately I'd just been before I left home so I only managed a really tiny, miniscule sample in the pot.

We went into see the doc who was a bit of a dizzy lady and very nervous. She took my BP (said it was a little "up" but not surprising considering how the day has been). The urine was fine (the tiny sample apparently was enough) and she said we'd try to listen to the heartbeat. She said "don't worry if you don't hear it. It's not unusual at 16 weeks not to hear the heartbeat" what rubbish She also asked if I'd heard the heartbeat before D'oh why doesn't she read the card and see all the scans/tests etc I've had done! She had trouble finding the heartbeat so I helped her and pointed to where it had been found before then she got it instantly. I think she was quite impressed that I knew where my own baby was!

After that she listened to my chest as I'm still coughing, offered me antibiotics (but I didn't want them), then told me to go see the Admin lady about AN classes. I was right in my thoughts about that doctor. She's like a nervous wreck and doesn't make you feel confident at all. I felt like I knew more than her!

I picked up the papers about AN classes from the Admin lady who was very nice. We had a little chat about free prescriptions, eye tests and dental treatment etc.

OH and I came home then had a bite to eat. We sat and watched Deal or No Deal togther all cosy for once. I really appreciated the gesture he made by coming to the appointment. He's got a lot on his plate and I feel it was a genuine move on his part to be more supportive. I love him to bits really.

I think it's like you said TopBird he really needs some time to get used to being a dad in the near future. I'll give him that time and try to be patient. He's an when he wants to be.

big hugs of thanks for listening to my moans

Sabrina
xx

 

[noodle1]

HI, sorry you were feeling bad earlier

I am glad he made the effort to meet you at the doctors, bet you were surprised!

Like Valentine says I think all the men have problems dealing with it at one stage or another.

Glad you are happier now though

 

[topbird]

Hi Sabrina,

Glad your day ended better than it started!

The doc sounded a bit useless, but then I guess there are midwifes etc... for a reason and they do not have to listen for baby's heart beats to often etc..

Glad your OH supported you and came with you. Keep working on him, it will be fine!

 

[Sabrina]

Thanks Noodle & TopBird for your mental hugs.

I am feeling a bit low today. Always seem to be so tearful lately even little things upset me. OH has taken a pub job to make some extra money so I haven't seen him much. I miss him

It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm going to be a right miserable birthday girl at this rate! LOL Bl&%dy hormones!

Sabrina
x

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Glad everything turned out for you hun, some doctors are usleless arent they? Hope you have a great birthday
Katrina

 

[cloud9]

Hi
only read your post today...

It took my Dh some time he kept saying the baby didn't feel real to him and to be honest it wasn't till the 4D scan last week he really has started looking forward to the experience rather than been scared and worrying about how the baby is going to affect his social life. Also him decorating the nursery made him feel like he was doing something and had a productive role in the pregnancy.

I also talked to him about was he expecting too much of himself, You can't expect men to feel the way we do ..These babies affect our every though when we eat we think about what the baby can have, when we wake up in the night to go to the loo thats because of the baby even when we we know thats because of the baby.

Glad he turned up for your appt though sounds like he is on the right track but like all men slow getting there LOL