BIRTH DEFECTS

[Vicky_Gazerimmer]

I was at a pre-christmas fundraiser today, and I noticed a baby with Downs Syndrome, the mum and dad with the baby looked so happy and chirpy and people where stopping and cooeying over how cute she was.

So it raised a thought in my mind, what would we all do if (heaven forbid) one of us had a baby with health problems?

I noticed someone on here the other day saying they would abort their baby at 22 weeks if it had spina bifida. I know a lady with spina bifida and the only reason I knew she had it was cause she told me!! (of course I realise there are different strains of it)

Would you not want your baby if you found out it was ill?
I have sat and pondered over this today and I have to say in all honesty that if my LO had any kind of issue (with the exception of anything fatal) I would still love it and I seriously doubt I would abort it.

I hate to raise such a negative and worrying issue but I was curious to know other ladies opinions on this?

 

[weestar21]

it depends what your circumstances are

Ive not been in that situation so im not sure how i would cope and what i would do but everyone will have their own reasons ect and it is a touchy subject as everyone is differnt and have differnt lives ect.

if any of my kids had something wrong withthem they were still mine and i would still love them and do everything i could to be a good mother

and in the end i guess when adele was born at 29 weeks she could may have well had brain damage ect but she didnt and i thank my lucky stars i have 2 lovely babies.

I know a girl whos little boy had downs and she gave him up for adoption because she didnt have the support around her but she still sees him almost every day and treats him as if he hasnt been adopted but i know it was for the best for her situation

 

[Red_Fairy]

it does depend on circumstances completly. I have no idea what i or my partner would do if somthing happend, and will only know if i was in them circumstances, i dont judge anyone who chooses to have a termination, or adoption etc, as i have no idea what its like to be in thier shoes, so who am i to judge.

 

[Vicky_Gazerimmer]

I should imagine it would be confusing and an upsetting situation.

(by the way just wanted to make sure I havent been misunderstood, I wouldnt judge anyone who would decide to terminate their child, incase that sounded funny what I wrote before )

 

[littlebump]

Since having Maddie both my husband and I decided we couldn't abort a baby with Down's Syndrome - this is our personal choice though and I would never judge someone who came to a different decision.

I couldn't really comment on other problems - I know that in the most severe cases of spina bifida the baby would not survive on birth anyway but I guess if it came up in my situation I'd find out as much as I could about the problem before deciding. It's so hard to imagine being in that situation - I just hope I never have to find out.

LBxx

 

[rusks]

i guess we have all thought about this in the past, but who really knows what they would do in that situation until you are there.

i always said that if my baby was at high risk of downs, spina bifida or any major abnormality i would have a termination but then at my scans when i could see it moving and then later when i could feel it moving i'm not sure i could have gone through with it.

however i am a paediatric nurse and i know some of the health problems these kids can have and how it can put a strain on all the family, i also know how much they are loved.

as i say who knows what we would do, until you have to make that choice.

 

[kirlykird]

Unless my baby had something that meant it couldn't live a normal life, such as no limbs, brain damaged etc I would keep it regardless.

I decided against the down syndrome blood tests as we knew that we would keep this baby anyway.

My twins were both born with missing fingers and toes which was a genetic disorder from their fathers side.

Some people have asked if I would have got rid of them had I known?

Fair enough they have had numerous operations and it hasn't always been easy but it is nothing that would have caused me to not have them or anything that makes them look any different unless very close up and staring hard at scars etc...

That is just my opinon though, each to their own and I think it is difficult to judge anyone without knowing their personal circumstances and also people deal and cope with things very differently.

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi

I think you might have been thinking about me?? I posted on here after my sad news. On the 18th October i gave birth to my daughter Angeles. She was nearly 22 weeks when i decided to have my pregnancy induced.

On my week 20 scan i was told that she had a very serious form of spina bifida. Spina bifida can range in degrees and mine was about the worst you could have. I was told the baby would never walk. Would probably not be able to use the toilet and due to the "lemon" shape of her head though she could well have brain damage. Her feet were also turning in which is supposed to be a bad sign too.

It was a difficult decision. I had decided not to have the downs test as i didnt think i would ever have a termination regardless of the results but when it becomes real and you are told that your baby is so seriouslt ill then it changes your view.

I dont think you can really think what you would do until it happens to you. You might have an idea but in my suituation that all turned on its head.

I miss my daughter very much and its a hard time but i feel confident i made the right decision. I think it is a very personal choice.

I have been honest and have told everyone what happened but i know many people just say that the baby miscarried or was still borm as they are scared about being judged. I think thats such a shame an puts pressure on other women who end up in a similar position.

SARAH

 

[missac]

I think it all depends on the circumstances. If my baby was going to have no quality of life then I would have to think about it. By no quality of life I mean a vegetable state where the baby wouldn't have a clue what was going on around him, but it is really impossible to comment until you face that situation.

Kirly - I can't believe people would ask such a rude question to you, what on earth do they expect you to say! They are your babies!!!!!!

 

[kirlykird]

I think it all depends on the circumstances. If my baby was going to have no quality of life then I would have to think about it. By no quality of life I mean a vegetable state where the baby wouldn't have a clue what was going on around him, but it is really impossible to comment until you face that situation.

Kirly - I can't believe people would ask such a rude question to you, what on earth do they expect you to say! They are your babies!!!!!!

exactly.....fools!

 

[kirlykird]

Hi

I think you might have been thinking about me?? I posted on here after my sad news. On the 18th October i gave birth to my daughter Angeles. She was nearly 22 weeks when i decided to have my pregnancy induced.

On my week 20 scan i was told that she had a very serious form of spina bifida. Spina bifida can range in degrees and mine was about the worst you could have. I was told the baby would never walk. Would probably not be able to use the toilet and due to the "lemon" shape of her head though she could well have brain damage. Her feet were also turning in which is supposed to be a bad sign too.

It was a difficult decision. I had decided not to have the downs test as i didnt think i would ever have a termination regardless of the results but when it becomes real and you are told that your baby is so seriouslt ill then it changes your view.

I dont think you can really think what you would do until it happens to you. You might have an idea but in my suituation that all turned on its head.

I miss my daughter very much and its a hard time but i feel confident i made the right decision. I think it is a very personal choice.

I have been honest and have told everyone what happened but i know many people just say that the baby miscarried or was still borm as they are scared about being judged. I think thats such a shame an puts pressure on other women who end up in a similar position.

SARAH

I don't think people should have to be worried about being judged.

I personally think that you made a very brave decision and one that I probably would have made myself.

Situations are different and sadly yours was an extreme one where I think you also have to take into consideration the life quality of the child too.

regardless, it can't have been an easy decision for either of you.

 

[sazzleevans]

Thanks, it was very hard for both of us. My partner just wanted to check that the doc hadnt got it wrong or that it might not be true. When it was all confimed we were very clear about our decision but it was the hardest decision i have ever had to make.

Theres a 1/1000 chance of your baby having spina bifida and by taking folic acid you can reduce the chance by 75% so i am practicaly bathing in the stuff now!!

Sarah

 

[kirlykird]

Well good luck with ttc again hope all goes well for you this time

 

[sazzleevans]

Thanks

I am waiting until after Christmas just to make sure the folic acid kicks in.

Good luck to everyone.
Sarah

 

I think if someone told me before I had Damien that I would have a child who was preemie and stopped breathing of his own accord, I would of said I probably wouldn't cope. Alot of people ask me how I cope and say they wouldn't be able to cope with it. But to be honest it isn't a lifelong issue (we hope) and it doesn't effect him while he is awake (except for being a bit tired from the disturbed sleep pattern) and you almost get used to it. Almost everyone has some health problems to some degree, and unfortuantely this is his for now along with his reflux.
But if I was told I was carrying a child with a severe birth defect, wouldn't survive birth or have any state of 'normal' life, then I think I would have to terminate. Spina Bifida has a broad spectrum of severity and would be hard to say how I would act in such position. It can be severe to the point of no possible normal life after birth, or it can be as mild as OH's auntie (who is now 55 I think) who didn't walk till she was 4, etc, but leads a completely normal life now and was the smartest one out her and her 2 sisters. She even got into a private school when her sisters didn't and earns a lot of money. But like I say, she didn't have a very severe form.
My partner on the other hand couldn't cope even with Down's syndrome, though he knows I wouldn't terminate.

We all have limits to what we can cope with and everyone does the best that they can for them and their family. I'd never judge anyones decision to terminate a pregnancy, or to keep a child I may terminate, we all have different coping abilities.

Sarah babe, you are a very brave woman, and I know in your situation I think I would of done the same.

 

[sazzleevans]

Thanks. Hope all is well with you too!!
SARAH

 

[claire81]

Hey Vicky,

I'm really glad you brought this up as this is something i have thought a lot about. I had my test nearly 2 weeks ago now and still haven't had the results, and the midwife said withing 2 weeks. I received my daughters both withing a few days so this is why i'm worried. Also things have gone so wrong this year i am thinking "what next??"

Anyway, i always said with the girls "oh if it came back as they had downs i would abort as i couldn't cope".......... however, i was 20/21 then and nothing had ever gone wrong in my life.

Last April my sister had a baby girl at 20 weeks, she was perfectly formed, little fingers, toes, eyes and ears. She was beautiful. I am now 17, nearly 18 weeks, IF there was something wrong with this baby, i would be 20+ weeks maybe when a termination would be booked. I just don't think i could do it.

Also in July this year i witnessed my sister give birth to another little girl, at 24 weeks. She was so strong, fighting with the tubes, kicking her bubble wrap off!! But she was so tiny. She lost her fight just 16 hours later, dying in her mommys arms. I have seen the effect this has had on my sister and my family, and also on me.

I think if push came to shove, i would rather have these perfectly formed babies in whatever condidtion they were in, rather than have another grave to visit.

Thanks for listening and i'm sorry this was so long.

Thanks

Claire x

 

[claire81]

I also forgot to say, i too do not judge people in their decisions on termination due to abnormality, i praise them for their braveness. Sarah, how awful for you to go through something like this, if only more things could be done. You are a very courageous woman

As it has been said on this post, its the families personal decision and they can only do what is best for them.

Also Kirly.....how disgusting of people to ask you that about your precious twins

 

I'm so sorry for you Claire and your poor sister

 

[missac]

yeah, thats some tough stuff to go through