Being a SaHM

[Mumbear]

I need help because I literally do not no how to make this decision.

I am back at work full time, my 8 month old is with a childminder full time (which costs £800 a month) and I'm expecting number 2 in December. Going part time in my job is not an option so I have to make the choice to stay full time until mat leave and then reaccess in a year or I leave and be a stay at home mum until I've had the second baby and try and get an evening job.

My job is ok, I don't love it but I don't hate it, the salary isn't amazing I take home £1200 a month so I'm not on a a ridiculously high wage. Currently me and hubby split the childcare costs so if I left work he would essentially pay me what he pays for the childcare.

Financially it's doable but it would be tight, I just don't know what to do for the best. I guess the biggest problem is fear - is it best for oldest to be with childminder who takes him out and he's with other children, if I leave my job I won't get back into that field (not that I'm even sure I want to but comfort I guess) and I suppose I'm worried I'll leave and then decide I made the wrong decision.


I guess in the interest of being honest I suffer with depression and I'm not on medication at the moment because of baby and I'm worried that I'm not going to be what's best for my oldest, that he's better of with his fun childminder (who he prefers to me at the moment) I don't know if I could be the social happy parent he needs me to be, to take him to groups and to teach him things.

I'm literally keeping myself awake at night thinking about it, I'm in pieces!

 

[GF91]

If you where to leave work to be at home, could he still go to the childminders a couple of days a week? That way, he gets to have some fun, you get abit of a break, & you won't feel guilty if you can't get out the house on occasion with him & the new one?
I'm lucky in a sense that my husband & I own our own business, I had quite an active role before falling pregnant with DD, since then I've been working from home. She goes to nursery 2 days a week, she gets to have some fun & I get to catch up on work or have some time out. Im going to continue her going to nursery when this one comes along. X

 

[1sttimer]

It is a big decision MumBear, I'm with you on that...I've not got any kids already but have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do for the best when we have this one. I'm the same as you, my job isn't really one I can do part time. If I leave I may struggle to get into doing something as well paid later on but if I don't I'm looking at full time childcare fees, coming back after 6 months and missing out... it's tricky. If I was you, I would probably stick with work for now just because you can bank some cash for the time being ready for when you need it most, make the most of getting something out of mat pay rather than nothing and then re-think. I know its not about money but if it would be tight not working it adds pressure to you and your OH. Don't put yourself under too much pressure to 'do the right thing' sometimes you just have to do what works at the time and if your little one isn't suffering with his childminder and seems happy enough then make the most of it!!

 

[Alipops1986]

I need help because I literally do not no how to make this decision.

I am back at work full time, my 8 month old is with a childminder full time (which costs £800 a month) and I'm expecting number 2 in December. Going part time in my job is not an option so I have to make the choice to stay full time until mat leave and then reaccess in a year or I leave and be a stay at home mum until I've had the second baby and try and get an evening job.

My job is ok, I don't love it but I don't hate it, the salary isn't amazing I take home £1200 a month so I'm not on a a ridiculously high wage. Currently me and hubby split the childcare costs so if I left work he would essentially pay me what he pays for the childcare.

Financially it's doable but it would be tight, I just don't know what to do for the best. I guess the biggest problem is fear - is it best for oldest to be with childminder who takes him out and he's with other children, if I leave my job I won't get back into that field (not that I'm even sure I want to but comfort I guess) and I suppose I'm worried I'll leave and then decide I made the wrong decision.


I guess in the interest of being honest I suffer with depression and I'm not on medication at the moment because of baby and I'm worried that I'm not going to be what's best for my oldest, that he's better of with his fun childminder (who he prefers to me at the moment) I don't know if I could be the social happy parent he needs me to be, to take him to groups and to teach him things.

I'm literally keeping myself awake at night thinking about it, I'm in pieces!

Mumbear,

I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same with my first initially. However, I do think you need to think about the bigger picture further down the line. Yes, at the moment it costs a lot of money for childcare and it will do with a second child, but this is just temporary. Once your oldest is 3 you'll be entitled to 30hrs free childcare if you and your OH are working - this makes a huge difference to finances.

I have a lot of friends with children who want to give up work but what's going to happen when the children are old enough to go to nursery/school? It's not always easy to find a job and certainly, ones that are helpful around school hours is even worse!

You're not a "bad" mum because you may want to continue working. I work full time [got promotion on my return from maternity leave], my husband works 4 days and is home for one day with our son. That's what works for us, and this will continue with our second baby. We're even going to share the maternity leave!

Alipops x

 

[Selina13]

Can you have a full year of mat leave? X

 

[SoGentleNWild]

I'm in the US, so for us it's a bit different perhaps.

DS on his own was ok to go to daycare, but two children in daycare was more than I made. Add in DS was getting some very negative reinforcement at care, staying home really became our best option. His behavior was getting pretty rotten because other children were teaching him that being rude was apparently acceptable.

As for what to do - there's several things a week for me locally for SAHM. DS and DD like those, but I can keep a closer eye on my two vs a bunch. And after the disaster that was attempting public school - well, I'll be home for a while.