Bah

[purplebluered]

Well just went to see my friend who had her baby on tues. Her baby was born at home using hypnobirthing and birthing pool and she said it was an amazing experience. She's walking about and doing everything normally.

I am so so jealous. It took me at least 6 weeks to feel normal again. I had a horrible midwife and a horrid experience with a back to back labour that took 24 hours ending up with an emergency section. I complained to the hospital about so many things and they said I had every reason to complain cos the lack of care was shocking.

I thought I had got over it but clearly not. It just seems a whole world apart in terms of the recovery after section and after a natural delivery. I can't believe the difference there is. I just can't stop crying and thinking about it. I love my son and can't imagine life without him but I hate the way I feel about the whole thing

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

Aww I know exactly how your feeling and I get sooooooooo jelous of people who have had a natural birth and had such a wonderful experience with no complications. I also thought I was over it and I found out exactly what went wrong when I had a meeting with the head of midwifery, It was actually worse than I first thought and more complications than I realised! I also thought I would feel better but I don't. I don't really have any advice but just wanted you to know your not alone and I'm here to talk/listen, PM or email me anytime (haven't got MSN at the moment!). Hope your ok

 

[xmcnickyx]

I know what you mean. My SIL had her baby 10 days after me. She had a home birth which only lasted about 5 hours, only 3 pushes and it just sounded lovely and I get really jealous about it.

I keep telling myself that next time will be different....I never thought I'd feel like this cos I know the section was needed and I healed well and quickly but I still feel like a lot of the crap stuff that happened after she was born (jaundice, not being able to BF and just general shoddy treatment) wouldn't have happened if I'd had a vaginal birth.

It seems quite common to feel this way though, judging by a lot of what people on this forum and others say about having sections. Not that that makes it any easier!

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

I kinda know where you're coming from
I firmly believe that the birth was what set my PND off because I'm not happy about any aspect of it

The only difference is mine was a natural one....but it was a VERY near miss for an emergency section. I had a spontanious labour, he was back to back, had the cord twice round his neck, I was left completely alone apart from the midwife (had no birthing partner), there was no room in the midwife led unit so was stuck on the normal ward, baby went into distress (I was already out if it panicing like mad and chugging down G&A, got rushed for a section but had him via ventouse on the operating table.....and then after all that he wouldn't take to bf'ing and I'd torn my tummy muscles 5cm apart which meant I was in a lot of pain and had to spend the first month as if I'd had a section anyway
Only got discharged from the physio just over a week ago.

I love my baby but the whole experience has made me REALLY scared of doing it again
My hubby hasn't really been much support about the whole thing. I think he went into shock as well when they rushed me off. I've tried weening details out of him a million times because I have a good 1hr o memory missing Like I never even knew when they put the monitor on the baby or when he went into distress! I didn't even know it was him and not me until afterwards But he wont say owt so I've had to peice it together myself.
And to top it off he'd brought his dad down which made me VERY uncomfortable as I was a state and had only seen him on 2 other ocassions...and he hung around a bit after the birth as well when I was a dam mess.....and my husband STILL doesn't get why I complain now that I'm lonely and want to be close to family when I kept trying to shut myself in my room with the baby the immediate weeks after the birth (while his dad was staying with us)


ARGH really sorry I ranted there (admitted I had PND at the start though ) but yea...it's not just c'sections that leave a bad memory

 

[purplebluered]

Thanks girls, for your replies they really helped. I couldn't face coming back to read this and then reply, it's all got a bit too hard. I asked the HV to come and see me at home and she came today. She's not my named one but I've been seeing her in clinic and she's lovely, so I asked her to come and she was really helpful.

Surprise surprise, it's all PND related. My DH was there today too (the joys of having been made redundant!) and I didn't realise just how angry he was about the whole thing, the way I was treated in labour. So we're making a formal complaint and taking it higher this time, as we made a complaint before but it was informal. I do feel better for having told someone about it. Next week I'm going to see my friend who I didn't know this before but she had a crash section with her 1st 3 years ago and she went through similar feelings so that should help.

to everyone