Bad mummy?

[MrsR]

Warning this is a definate 'woe is me' post.

Ok so my dd is 6 next Thursday and I can't believe how fast it's flown by! However at the minute I feel like such a bad mummy! I have lumbar disc disease which culminated in a torn disc after a car accident last year and I feel like I'm just crap! Dd asks me all the time to catch her but I can't run, pick her up, play with her properly like a good mum should. I'm really tired because baby is putting extra pressure on my back already and it stops me sleeping and all I seem to do lately is tell her off. She's an absolutely wonderful kid and I am so lucky to have her but I go to bed feeling shit (excuse language) because I feel like everytime I speak it's to tell her off. I then can't sleep because it plays on my mind. We used to cuddle up in bed to read a bedtime story but because we're currently in a 1 bed flat and she's in the 'study' (smallest box room known to man) I can't clamber across the bed to read to her! We were so so close but I feel that in the last 6 months this has been slipping away and I don't know if it's just because she's getting older or because of school or because of me! I hear other mums complaining about their children and dd's an absolute angel compared to them! Lately as well she will argue and answer back which is wearing me out! If I said the sky was blue she'd argue that it was purple! I love her so much, I just want back what we had! I want an op on my back to try to correct the damage but I can't until after baby arrives which isn't until October! I feel like I'm such a failure. I used to be so positive and complimentary! I just don't know what's happened to me! Sorry for the rant. Any advise or opinions are gratefully welcomed.

 

[Mamafy]

My lo's love getting into my bed to watch TV and we chitchat and cuddle and they love it, would this be possible hun?

 

[MrsR]

We don't have a tv in our bedroom but I suppose we could read in bed instead. I'm hoping it'll get better when we move to a house and have more space to put things like toys and I'll be able to walk around her bed. Thanks x sorry again for the rant

 

[Mamafy]

No bother hun Yeah a story would be good, my 2 lo's love my bed; they think its warmer

 

[Sam's Mum]

I can't imagine how hard it must be with you with your back - I found it so hard to do all the things Sam wanted me to do while I was pregnant and I had no real excuse. I bet just a story and cuddles in your bed once a day would make a huge difference to you both, or even just half an hour sitting watching tv and chatting together if you tell her that it's time just for you and her

 

[MrsR]

Hanks guys x I'm just stuck in a rut I guess x will be implementing your ideas today x x

 

[titch]

Ah dont worry hun, Im sure youre not a bad mummy at all!It sounds like a really difficult situation for you If your little one is asking you to catch/chase her do you think she is seeking more physical contact? You might be able to give her more gentle cuddles so she stops demanding you join in with rough and tumble play.

Is your back tender to touch? If not you could tell her your back is very sore and let her give you a little back rub so she feels like shes rubbing it better. Its a good way of reminding her that its not her fault youre not into rough and tumble, and its no reflection of your love for her.

 

[MrsR]

It doesn't hurt to touch and we do cuddle quite alot but I really like your idea of her 'helping' me by giving me a back rub. She's very loving and caring so that's actually a really good idea x

 

[evajo]

Have things improved? I think its so hard when you not feeling great. My youngest is six and said i never play with her today - which isn't strictly true but with three kids i seem to spend most of my time as a taxi service these days- when i'm not feeling tired or achy! Anyway managed to find 45mins after luch today to play a board game and she forgiven me completely! Nothing prepares you for the constant guilt you fee as parents does it!

 

[MrsR]

It's got better x we played a board game yesterday and we went to the park on Saturday x we went butterfly spotting on Saturday too x hopefully it carries on like this x it's her birthday on Thursday so we're gonna go somewhere for dinner as a family and my parents are up this weekend so we'll be pretty busy x although we had loads of cuddles before I've stepped them up and she's enjoying 'cuddling' baby too x

 

[evajo]

Glad things are better - she sounds like a darling x

 

[mimidl]

I am disabled due to a back problem and have 3 children, 15, 14 & 5.

I work while they are at school so that I am here for them, but sometimes my back is so bad I just can't move.
I have had this since my 2nd child was born 14 years ago and at one time was on a frame just to walk. Now with the help of the chronic pain clinic things are much better but nowhere near perfect.

My advice would be to explain (she's 6, they are great at that age!) exactly what Mummy can & can't do and that it's not because of the new baby, but because of Mummys back (so no resentment)

My children have always grown up knowing no different and they know if they want/need a cuddle just to ask. We then go and sit on the sofa so that they can sit next to me and we can have lovely hugs & chats.

I do get irritable because of the pain, but again if you explain that it's not something they have done, they just ride with it. I am always amazed at how resilient kids are. (my 5 yr old even helps sort the washing!)

My youngest likes to put her hand on my back to warm it up while I am in pain - she loves the closeness. She will also just lie beside me and ask for a 'back tickle' - I can then gent;y tickle her back and it helps keep the bond you share.

Fingers crossed for your recovery once you have had the baby : ) xxx