anyone elses OH refuse to help

[winnie89]

For the last couple of weeks mark been refusing to help with harry, he barely ever changes him and when I went out on friday he refused to put harry to bed until I got back which was at 11pm and refused to hold him he kept calling me all the time asking when I was coming home because harry was crying. I left him a list of harrys routine and 3 bottles worth of expressed breast milk so all he had to do was follow the list easy peasy. When I actually got ointo the house harry was screaming and he was just say on the computer ignoring him, he told me that if he left him to cry he'd wear himself not the fact that it took me ages to calm him down and get him to sleep, then I'd got his nan sticking up for him not helping me at all, his excuse is he works all week so it's my responsibility to look after harry! I told him to pack his bags and go unless he started helping me, I'm in a lot of pain all the time because of keep having to hold harry all day and I'm tired mark had 4 days off last week not once did he off to take harry off me so I could have a lie in or a bath or anything I wish I could lie in bed until mid day and not do any housework or have a child to look after!


My sil told me her hubby is being the same so at least I'm not on my own dealing with this I've got her to back me up and vice versa!
Right rant over

 

[My1stBaby]

Omg that is just not fair at all!!

My OH doesn't help all the time during the week as he works long hours but he does the night feeds saturday night to give me a break and over the weekend he will feed him and change him etc. But sometimes when I ask for help I kinda get the impression he doesn't think its his responsibility at all and its all mine. Like he's booked to go away with his mates in august and didn't tell me before he did it... Imagine if I did that!!

Men just think its all down to us, and they just get the good bits. My OH told me he wanted to start using protection the same day I got the positive preg test so always feel like he's saying 'well you're the one that wanted this' when I find it hard.

Is it like that for you? Or was your OH really keen for this baby? Cause its not fair to back out now when times are hard- you need someone supportive Xxxxxx

 

[pringle88]

My OH is exactly the same! Tonight Ella was crying whilst I was getting her tea ready, he actually sat in the conservatory on the xbox and shut the doors so he didnt have to listen to her! She is 6 months old and he has never bathed her, never got her dressed in a morning, I'd say he has probably changed 5 nappys (only 1 poo!) but to hear him talk to other people he is the best dad in the world!!

 

[jojo_2012]

You're not alone OH has never changed a nappy or anything. He'll put L on the changing mat and undo the nappy, then I'll end up doing it LOL. He coos over the baby lots and loves him to death but even when I get him to hold the baby, as soon as he cries he hands him back because he doesn't know what to do! I think if I wasn't so clingy with the baby myself I'd find it hard to take I really would.

 

[Princess81]

I think a lot of the men go through phases like this, my o/h certainly did and it really made me start to resent him. He's snapped out of it and is a lot more pro active with l/o. Maybe it's because l/o is a bit older now and more interesting lol!!
I hope he steps up to the mark for you hun, I've said it before and i'll say it again: it's a good job that women have the mothering instinct as men would end up eating their own young!!

 

[BevG]

aww my oh comes home and is gutted that alyssa is asleep in bed lol. he loves doing things with her and always wants to bath her and change her nappy. as for leaving them to cry it really is a man thing, they all seem to think that leaving babies to cry will make them learn not to be so clingy lol. im not even gonna explain to my oh why lyssa cries to be given to me when shes upset.

 

[BabyBrain]

my oh has sorted himself out now. He doesn't always help with Albert but he cooks everything and before he comes to bed he sets out all the nappies and bottles for over night and cleans the lounge. He loves giving Bertie a bath too

Make it known now that he needs to help you. Men are creatures of habit and need training early xxxxxxxx

 

[winnie89]

See it was completley different when I got out of hospital he's pick him up and hold him or pass him to me when he wanted feeding but ever since I healed he's just lost interest and I'm like my1st baby he's actually told me that because I wanted this baby it's my responsibility, he didn't want kids yet, he only likes it when harry laughs and coos at him and he doesn't realise how much hard work it's been for me

 

[katie_lou]

Omg do men not understand we have a job . looking after a baby 24 hours a day . I can't believe ur OH is being so selfish xxx

 

[Kbex]

My oh has always been good although he works long hours so not around much. He did struggle when my eldest was about 6 weeks old as he hardly saw her, I was bfing and knew her routine etc so he felt there was no place for him. I used to make a big fuss about her being a daddy's girl, eyes following him and getting excited when she saw him etc. it worked because he felt he had more of a part of her life he did more for her. Men Like reward abd praise for what they do do I know you shouldnt have to but it might be worth bigging up the contact he has with your lo ie "wow he stopped crying with you he wouldn't do that for me".

 

[TORino]

My OH has become completely disillusioned lately. I know it's because we have a baby that is hard work and cries a lot which is really sad. I think if she was happier and more content he'd want to spend more time doing things with her.

He does do bath time though which is good.

 

[Princess81]

My OH has become completely disillusioned lately. I know it's because we have a baby that is hard work and cries a lot which is really sad. I think if she was happier and more content he'd want to spend more time doing things with her.

He does do bath time though which is good.

This was the same for us. I'm sure that once your little lady settles you'll notice a big difference with your o/h x

 

[winnie89]

I just don't understand why he's become like this harry is normally a happy baby, hardly ever cries and loves his daddy he's always happy and smiley as soon as mark walks in (even if he's been miserbable at me) he always wants cuddles from him but he's just not interested, I think a talk with the FIL is in order :s

 

[My1stBaby]

Hope things improve for you, pm me if you wanna chat xxx

 

[prettypenguin]

I think you need to nip this in the bud quickly,I can't believe how much of an a*se he's being! I'm glad you told him to pa k his bags I'd have done the exact same! So angry for you. Whether he wanted a child or not he's got one and its time he manned up and faced facts! Can't believe he didnt even pick him up all night poor little baba must have felt so alone. My oh went a little bit like this after a few weeks of Lo being born, I think the novelty wears off and oh even said the first few months are boring cause they dont do anything, which I can see his point as now he's always playing with him now he can crawl and sit up etc and is awake longer. But he got upset a few months back as Charlie wouldn't take feeds off him and cried whenerver he seen him or picked him up, and cried when he seen my brother or grandad, and in the end I had to have a word with oh and say its because he's scared of men cause he's not used to them cause you never bother...that really hit home with him and he does most things now...except baths he doesnt like bath&bed. Hope things look up for you soon hun you need breaks too x

 

[Bee7]

My OH has his moments. To be fair, he does help and often feeds Jack before he goes to work so i can have a lie in. But i do find that his 'help' is only on offer when it suits him. I understand this because he works long hours and i don't expect him to do as much as me when he's at home - that's his time to relax. But when is our time to relax? He seems to think that because i'm not at work i'm sat around on my arse all day. But looking after Jack, keeping the house tidy, freelancing from home and everything else probably keeps me more busy than he is at work! I've also had the 'its your job to look after Jack, not mine, i work' comment thrown at me. Needless to say i launched a 4-letter word rant right back at him!

What's even more annoying than no help at all is when they pick and choose but when they DO decide to pull their weight they come in telling US what to do. I had to bollock OH for this the other week because he was questionning what i was doing, trying to change my routine and generally poking his nose in where it wasn't needed. Yes, he has a say in Jack's care but since he isn't prepared to be his full time carer and only pitch in when it suits him then he shouldn't really try and take over.

Despite this however he does look after Jack on the rare occasions that i ask for a nap or (heaven forbid) to actually go out somewhere on my own! I went on a night out a few weeks ago and apparently Jack was crying so much before his bottle that OH put him in another room while it cooled. This made me VERY angry. He knows i don't agree with controlled crying. You were definitely right to pull your OH up on this, if i find out that mine has done it again there'll be big trouble. At the end of the day some men are more hands on than others and i think a lot of them do have the old fashioned view that its purely our job to look after the LO's. I'll let this go to a certain extent but ultimately it took two of us to make Jack and therefore caring for him should be a proportionate joint effort. Caring for a baby is a 24/7 job so all this tosh about them working 'full time' really doesn't cut it sometimes.

Hope your OH bucks his ideas up hun xxx