Anyone else find themselves not able to think about it all?

[Annie050408]

I've "been so strong" (-everyone else's words not mine) since my mc in July and MMC in September but the truth is that I can't and won't allow myself to really sit and think about the losses. I moved on immediately with both and refused to let the situation get me down but I do worry that at some point it'll come crashing down around me as of course I've not dealt with the loss I've experienced.

I told DH the other day that I feel like if I cried about it then I feel I'd never stop - I took myself by surprise hearing myself say it - it was an unguarded moment and I hadn't realised I felt that way.

Is anyone else finding themselves reacting the same?

 

[dyscochick]

i find i'm ok til I have a drink or am made to think about it by other people. Thats when I have my weak moments. Maybe crying about it won't be as bad as you think, and it might be a real release. Obviously its only something you could do in a 'safe' environment but you might find it actually lifts a weight you didn't realise was there. The fact that you said that to OH suggests that there is something there youmight want to deal with somehow, sometime. xxx

 

[Annie050408]

Well I suppose I had had a glass or two of wine and that's probably what triggered it - I hadn't thought of that.

 

[dyscochick]

just a little bit can be enough to allow you to release those feelings. but that doesn't have to mean that is really how you feel, alcohol can make us more emotional, sometimes irrationally so! How do you feel now, do you think you would be emotional about it if you spent some time thinking it through? tbh i think most people would be, even if you've cried buckets before. But we are all different and cope in different ways. You've had a hell of a lot to deal with in a very short space of time xxx

 

[Annie050408]

I just don't want to - even though I know it would probably be good for me.

 

[dyscochick]

oh hun but if you feel you are coping and getting through as you are, maybe thats what you keep on doing. facing that emotion can be incredibly hard, especially when are managing to push it aside, have you spoken to anyone about it?

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I have cried once... right after the first time we had sex i lay on Liam's chest and i cried and cried like a little child.

If it comes i will have another cry on Thursday i imagine... but to be honest i find it very difficult to sit and think about it, the gravity of it is so enormous that i think if i did it would take over my life. I can't have that for Jaspers sake.

So I just keep on keeping on, allowing the waves of pain to take me when they come and i will allow myself the odd thought about this or that, but i dont dwell in it because life is about celebrating the living not the lost.

You do what you have to do but dont deny yourself, because if you do you will send a ripple that will come back bigger and its best to just allow your emotional self some outlet

I play the guitar and i sing which has helped alot xxx

 

[netty]

i get sooooooooo angry when i think about it i choose to block it from my mind, being at work helps its when i am alone the tears come as it breaks my heart. But i have to think about it sometimes as BB says dont deny yourself the feeling it is natural and its good to let it our

 

[CARNAT22]

I do anything and everything to avoid thinking about it.

Pretty difficult as I have two nephews (5 and 6 months respectively) and 2 friends are due within 10 days of the date I would have been, so it's sometimes very difficult to ignore what happened with all these babies and baby talk around me.

I haven't cried for a long time, although I did spend the best part of 3 weeks in tears waiting for M/C to occur. I was still at work but often had to pop into the loo for a sob...I went to bed in tears every night. I was pretty upset when I had my CP too, but managed to put on a brave face for the world.

My OH is a wonderful guy but he is very laid back and very philisophical - when I do find myself getting maudling about it all he tries to nip it in the bu - he'll let me say my peice but that's it - he wont get drawn into "what could have been" conversations. I know he has a point - I cannot change the past no matter how much I want to so I need to look forward but sometimes I wish he'd show a little more emotion about it.

Only he knew about the CP so it's not as if I have friends or family to turn to?

As I say though for the most part I just try not to think about it.

This forum has kind of become my outlet actually - and it's been really helpful for me

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

my oh is same he wont talk about what if's which is not a bad thing as i shouldnt dwell, we are TTC again now anyways so i feel more positive.

this forum has helped me so much i dont know what i would have done without all these lovely ladies

wishing you all sticky beans soon

 

[CARNAT22]

my oh is same he wont talk about what if's which is not a bad thing as i shouldnt dwell, we are TTC again now anyways so i feel more positive.

this forum has helped me so much i dont know what i would have done without all these lovely ladies

wishing you all sticky beans soon

Amen - this place has been amazing!

And we're trying TTC again now as well - hope all those that are TTC will move on to Tri 1 together

xxxxxxx

 

[netty]

yeah! i am more excited than i thought i ever would be but i know when i get my BFP it is going to be so scary not exciting like last time

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Hey,

I find myself going all emotional when someone tries to give me sympathy....last week the m/w was soooooo sympathetic, and reached out to hold my hand. I found myself almost pushing her away!!! I had been ok up until that point, then got that horrible lump in my throat, felt my voice quivering, and really had to stop myself crying!!! I think when I see other people's reactions to my 'situation', it really makes all this hit home!!

Everyone reacts differently, there is no right or wrong way to cope.....no set length of time it takes to heal......but I think in every case, it helps to visualise a time when you will move on and conceive again! Thats what is helping me at the moment xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

yeah! i am more excited than i thought i ever would be but i know when i get my BFP it is going to be so scary not exciting like last time

Well I've had my second BFP and that ended as well so this time round I am proper bricking it. I will wait as long as possible to even take a test I think as the longer I don't know the longer maybe I'll stay pregnant?

I hope that I get my sticky bean and I hope that each time I get a little bit further along I will feel a bit less nervous.

For now though ia m just trying to enjoy the whole TTC journey!

 

[netty]

yeah i am going to be terrifed i think, last time i used to poas like everyday but lost my buba at 14 weeks so i think i will just try to relax and not think about it. so sad that i wont be able to get excited

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I am terrified of being pregnant again, i am terrified of the scans. I am terrified of looking up and seeing another little dead squashed baby inside of me

really terrified. It haunts my dreams

I dont think i will ever come home clutching a scan picture again, i dont want them, i never want to look at another one again. If they tell me everything is okay i might look up at the screen this time but i dont know.

i dont even want to know if its a little boy or a little girl. because i dont want to know what i have lost if i loose it.

 

[netty]

awww big bump have a lovely hug xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

I am terrified of being pregnant again, i am terrified of the scans. I am terrified of looking up and seeing another little dead squashed baby inside of me

really terrified. It haunts my dreams

I dont think i will ever come home clutching a scan picture again, i dont want them, i never want to look at another one again. If they tell me everything is okay i might look up at the screen this time but i dont know.

i dont even want to know if its a little boy or a little girl. because i dont want to know what i have lost if i loose it.

Oh sweetheart.

I hope that when your time comes again you receive the very best care and all the support you need.

I am scared but I cannot imagine how you must feel.

xxxxxxxx

 

[JJ Mum]

Annie - Would it help to try and do something special to remember those special Angel babies, maybee it would be the worst thing you could think of to have to do, but actually I think it would really help to let yourself go and cry all you like, andc really help you be in a better place for your new ttc journey?

I have a special (yellow roses that turn white before they die) - rose called Sweet rememberance in my garden, and I planted forget me knots under it, and it's the bit of the garden I treasure most, I brought the rose on my due date, couldn't face it till then. I plan to make it in to a little rockey around the rose soon, so it looks lovely all year round, only myself , my oh and my kids know the meaning of the rose, and that's the way I like it.

I really will help you later on , to grieve a little more now and not bottle it up. XX

Big bump - sending you a hug, good luck when you TTC again - take a week at a time hun X