Anybody considered surrogacy? Or any info?

[Babybumpwanted]

Hi ladies! Had my follow consultation today after my second mc (both IVF), I left feeling quite disheartened really! Just feel I am losing faith in my own body!

My husband has suggested surrogacy a few times but not sure how I feel about it (it appears he is losing faith in my body too) haha , not sure I am ready to give up on being pregnant with our baby just yet? Just wondered if any of you other LTTTCers have thought about it or if anybody knows anything about how you go about it?

Bbw (omg...my username...how ironic )

 

[phonixgirl]

Oh honey. But yes, I have thought about it! Haven't started IVF yet but I only get one go on the NHS sooo I don't hold out much hope. Maybe you could try au naturale for a bit if you don't want to go to such lengths just yet?

There are forums for surrogacy and I think you can find a 'match' on there. You aren't allowed to pay them any money for doing it in the UK. It is basically IVF. I was speaking to someone whose friend was a surrogate and the rights are mixed. And I think then you have to legally adopt the baby when its born.

For me, the worry would always be there that the surrogate would change her mind. But if it's our last option so be it. Also, I wouldn't have to go through labour and could keep my body as it is which is a plus lol (the labour bit is a huge bonus for me as I have epilepsy with seizures triggered by tiredness). But then, there is no real reason at the moment why my body can't do the carrying supposedly... x

 

[Tiptoes]

Ah hunni, don't be disheartened. There is still so much more you can do. Have you thought about changing clinics and maybe having immune testing or discussing baby aspirin? That's meant to help in some cases. Also have you had your thyroid testing recently as even a small variation can cause issues. I had some of the level one immune a done at the doctors. I just printed off the list and went to the docs and asked them which ones they could do. I haven't got the result back yet but it could be an option for you. I have the list but not sure how to upload things on here. Really don't feel down Hun. You will get there x

 

[phonixgirl]

Tiptoes, it's really good that they did that. Not sure my doc would be willing to do it. Xxx

 

[Tiptoes]

I just said that the clinic said I had to have them done xx

 

[Emerald rose]

If you do decided to go down the surrogacy route its not a cheap option.
The laws in the uk state that surrogates are not paid a fee for the baby but we do get paid for expenses such as child care for our children. Time off work for ivf or insems.
Maternity clothes and other things which will be extra such as if a c sections is needed. It can range between £7000 to £1500 depending on the surrogates finacial situation.

There are facebook groups you can join to find out as much info as possible before making a decicion.
Agencys such as cots and surrogacy uk (suk) also charge joining fees and other admin fees.

If anyone wants any info please pm any questions you may have x

 

[Babybumpwanted]

Thanks ladies! Feeling slightly more hopeful today although my period has arrived just as a big fat reminder that I am still not pregnant!! Grrrr!!!

Wow tiptoes what a great idea! Haha maybe I will do that too! My thyroid was checked about 2 years ago when we had our initial tests done so maybe I could ask the doc to test that again plus other things.i will look into those level one immune tests. I asked how much the test is for the natural killer cells and that is £1300 I think blue flower or one of the other ladies has had that tested!!

My consultant asked my to ask my go to refer me to the recurrent mc clinic to do extra tests but thinks it will be rejected as I have had 2 mc and to be considered 'recurrent' it has to be 3 in a row! He said if it is rejected he can do one of the blood tests for me....something about sticky cells (I need to look it up) but not the others! I suppose I should keep goin until someone tells me that i can't carry a pregnancy!!! I suppose knowing that there are other options tho should we need it!!!

Xx

 

[Lucyboo]

There was a lady, pretty sure it was June 2015 thread on Tri3 had baby for her sister. I cannot remember her name though. Good luck though never give up hope xxx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

I don't have any info on surrogacy sorry but just thought I would add that it might be worth you getting your vitamin B12 levels checked as there is evidence that deficiency can cause issues with conceiving and is linked to miscarriage. I did a bit of reading up about it when I was pregnant as I had a test which showed I was deficient xx

 

[phonixgirl]

I had one friend that had five miscarriages whilst trying for her second (she may well have miscarriages before her first but not realised). They also tried for a third but again had multiple miscarriages. She was actually told she was definitely losing her youngest three times but she has a happy, healthy and very cheeky beautiful seven year old (as well as her oldest). I have another friend who had three miscarriages before their first but they now have two lovely children as well. So it can happen. Xxxx

 

[Blueflower]

It might be issues with the embryos rather than the environment, have you considered using an egg donor instead?

 

[Sugarpop]

We're not on clomid yet and havent had IVF but we will be having IVF within 2years. Privately. My husband doesn't want to adopt so if 2 or 3 rounds of IVF don't work we will be going to surrogacy. I don't want to do it in this country because the rights are all over the show and the birth mother could turn round and keep the baby. I know in the States the rights aren't set in stone, however, it is more common place so my gut feeling would be to go to the States and do it there.

 

[Blueflower]

Wow that's brave. Shame your husband doesn't want to adopt. Do you know anyone with adopted children?

 

[phonixgirl]

My husband doesn't want to adopt either, but I am hoping further down the line to change his mind. I have a colleague with a beautiful adopted daughter. X

 

[Blueflower]

Lots of men have a problem with adoption. My friend had a boy through ivf then subsequent tries failed but as her husband won't adopt they only have one child. I am adopted and she said didn't I turn out ok but he wasn't convinced!

 

[phonixgirl]

I think they want to show they are a real man and that their sperm work. They might work very well but what if our eggs are useless?! I have told him to go and get someone else preg and bring it up as ours hahaaa

I am hoping I might be able to change his mind. But it occurred to me last night that he was in prison when he was very young and this might affect whether they let us?! Oh I don't know... I could try a donor if I know my eggs are useless but I just don't know.

 

[Blueflower]

Wow tiptoes what a great idea! Haha maybe I will do that too! My thyroid was checked about 2 years ago when we had our initial tests done so maybe I could ask the doc to test that again plus other things.i will look into those level one immune tests. I asked how much the test is for the natural killer cells and that is £1300 I think blue flower or one of the other ladies has had that tested!!

Yes it was me! The ideal % for NK cells is 15 & mine was 19 so slightly high. I had an intralipid infusion for round 3 + steroids but this time just having steroids. The blood test is quite scary though, I had 13 vials taken and was sick after 7!

 

[AliceW]

We are at the same boat. I faced the problem of infertility in a very young age. I was born without an uterus. I’ve always knew I won’t be able to give birth. When I met my husband, he told me how he wants to have a big family and have 3 kids. I was very scared to confess, I thought he’ll leave me. But he supported me and we started to look for options together. We decided to try surrogacy. Our journey has only started. We are using clinic in Ukraine which is called BioTexCom. We had our first meeting with our doctor in August. It's too early to say if we are happy with our choice or not, but I have good feeling. I have some complains though. The clinic was actually full of people during our appointment. Lines were so long I thought it would take forever to wait for our turn. There were so many pregnant women... I should say I was a little bit sad because of that. It's so hard to know that I can't carry a baby and I will never be able to do that. But of course I'm happy I can use such opportunity as surrogacy. All those people gave me hope I'll become mother soon and I will never remember about my problem again. We picked package for €39.900. Services were average. We were met and headed to the clinic. Our apt was simple, not really comfortable. Our interpreter was very busy so we couldn't ask her everything we wanted. We've got all needed info from our doctor, but still there were some questions and things we wanted to talk about... Now we are waiting when the clinic will find surrogate mother for us. I hope it will be soon... Girls told that search usually takes 2-3 months. I hope we'll also get our surrogate mother in this period of time. I wish you good luck! I hope you'll become mother soon!

 

[Cathrine]

I have always considered the option to be a surrogate, actually. I do indeed share some of the concerns raised in this thread, but I think in a few years, that might be in my future. To be fair, I might have it easy, as I live in the US and are not bound by the laws of the U.K.. But keep getting it on, girl - miracles can happen

 

[Blueflower]

That sounds a bit brusque Alice. They should try to make that sort of thing easier and more comfortable not more awkward after what people have been through.

The baby will be from your egg and it will be a way for you to have a child but also sounds tough as you don’t have influence on the early development. I am the other way round as it's not my eggs but I am now growing the babies!