Another MIL rant...

[Tigger87]

My MIL is a very controlling personality usually. She likes to feel she's having some sort of say in all the big things in our life. I'm finding her a massive let down lately though.

Jake was due 7th September, as she works in a school and has holidays off she offered (back in March) that if I wanted her to come down for a week or 2 just to help out and make things easier for me during August. As it happens, we didn't see them at all in August because the first 2 weeks they were on a scout camp, the second 2 they were on holiday (in their static caravan) do I couldn't have taken her up on the offer.

She took the hump massively about a week before he was born when hubby said we'd let them know once baby had arrived - she said she expected to be told when it was at least on its way and they weren't going to come straight down (not the reason we weren't telling people!).hubby didn't really have time to tell her when the time came anyway

Then he was born on a Tuesday morning, they took the Thursday off work to come down (neither FIL or MIL work Fridays), they stayed with my parents to give us some space (but spent 3/4 of the day parked in our living room) and then decided to go home early on the Saturday morning. Mum was a little miffed as she'd bought so much food etc and they didn't lift a finger to help her or offer to pay for anything etc - generally bad house guests.

They said a long time ago that they would be cutting back all their scouts duties and spend 1 weekend with us, one weekend at home, a weekend with BIL (they were due a baby same time, but he ended up coming 3 months early!) a weekend at home and then repeat. They saw jake at a few days old, came down again at 3 weeks old, and that's it. They're visiting my other BIL about an hours and a half drive away so are popping down for a few hours next weekend.

I think I feel a bit hurt. She doesn't hold him much when she's here (FIL is constantly asking for cuddles), hubby says this is because she's always got my nephew when they're there and so she's giving FIL a chance. They haven't held up with what they said about how often they'd visit (but are very regular with my nephew now he's home). Why is my baby not so important to her? And why does she let us down like this? All the right words etc are there, but the actions are all wrong

 

[Kiagirl]

My MIL is a bit like this, her 2 other grand kids she has to sleep each week. She will have Lucie if we "need her to" ! But we don't. But they are OH's sisters kids which I am told makes a difference.

My Mum adores Lucie and has her overnight once a week and the following day, she never really did this with my nieces but that's cos their other granny did. Mum said she feels naturally closer to Lucie cos she helped me choose the cot/bedding pram etc and SIL did all that with her mum.

Is your MIL closer to your SIL than you? I am not close to my MIL at all and I don't think it helps as I am sure she is scared to ask to have her lol. Plus my SIL is a bit depressed etc and needs more help and wld get v jealous if MIL spent more time with us. All very complicated, glad my mum just picks up the phone and says, I haven't seen her for 3 days can I have cuddles lol.

 

[mylullaby]

After reading so many threads about interfering MILs, I'd say you should consider yourself lucky that she isn't breathing down your neck all the time! Seriously, if you have other people around who love your DS and he's happy and loved, I don't see the problem. I'm sure he'll have a good relationship with them as he grows up, but I really don't think it's necessarily about frequency of visits - it's more about quality time together and you can have that no matter how often the visits are.

I say this because as kids we lived a 2-hour drive away from our grandparents and saw them a handful of times per year. My cousins lived a 5-minute walk away and saw them at least once a week, usually more often. I can honestly say that we were just as close to our grandparents as our geographically closer cousins. It made zero difference. We were incredibly close and I miss them every single day now they're gone.

My point is, don't let this bother you. Encourage PILs to form a great relationship with your DS when they do see him - however often that happens to be. Concentrate on enjoying your own time with him and watching him form a relationship with your mum. You have so much to be positive about!