Am I wrong?

[kristal]

I had my little girl just over a week ago, but my pregnancy was anything but easy (was ill a lot and the OH argued with me a lot, we broke up a few times, it got to the point where I wasnt going to let him come into the labour room with me) now since my little girl has been born for the first few days the OH was great (he was great during labour too) for the first night (when I came home, I was 15 hours in labour and over two hours pushing) aftre I came home from hospital knackered because she kept me awake by not settling, we decided before she was born that we would alternate nights now he done this the first night home and he was really good changing nappies etc but for the last four to five days I have basically been doing it all, I have been awake with her for the last four nights now (I did say that I would do his night once as he was supposed to have given a lift the next morning, but we found out that the person didnt need the lift then, but I still ended up doing it) when she does a dirty nappy he always asks if I can do it (especially over other peoples houses as he says he feels like he is doing something wrong) I am breastfeeding so he obviously cant feed her, I change her and all the while he isnt doing stuff like he said he would (ie the ironing, dishes, walking the dog and all other things he is supposed to do) while I am doing the washing, cooking, cleaning and everything with the baby.
I dont mind doing the things with the baby, but I am tired and I cant sleep during the day (which he says is my fault) and then he asks when I am doing food (I also havent been eating much at all, I dont feel like it) and as soon as I got home from hospital I was cleaning the kitchen.
Last night was his turn with the baby but surprise surprise he didnt get up, so at 2am I woke him and told him to go in the spare room as I am p'd off with him to which he ignored me for a bit but then pulled a strop said that if I didnt want him here why didnt I just say and the went somewhere in the car for about an hour. Today I was supposed to have been going to see friends and family who live 20-odd miles away but due to the argument we didnt go, and we have also ended up arguing a little bit more with him saying about me wanting to go and see my mother and sister once every two days or so and generally having a go.
I know it was worng but I left a message at 4am this morning on his computer saying that I want him to go as I am basically being a mother by myself and I would rather be by myself than argue and nag all of the time to which he said earlier that I am rubbing it all in.

I am really fed up now so am I right to tell him to go (I have had enough not just with him breaking his promises about helping out when baby is born but his attitude with me all through the pregnancy too) or am I being too hasty?

 

[mummykay]

For yours and ur lil girls sake I think its best if he packs his bags and moved out for a bit - she cant have a stressed mum and if ur breastfeeding its not fair on her either.

If ur OH said he would help etc before she was born then he has a responsibility to her and you, it took both of u to make her and she should have both of u to look after her.

however, there are girls on this site who are on their own and will be great mums by themselves so it is not impossible! i assume u have ur familys support so they can help with lookin after bubba if u need to clean etc?

if u have a bit of time apart, obv with him still seein baby, then maybe it will be the kick up the bum he needs to sort it out and be responsible!

 

[kristal]

I meant to say that I know that being a single mum can be done as two of my sisters have done it, but as for my families support, my sister has three children of her own and no transport and she lives ten miles away, and my mother has only ever been over my house three times I think since I moved in a four months ago.
I just dont know what I do, I feel guilty for pointing out the truth to him and making him feel bad but I also cant go on like this either, I just really dont know what to do

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I get the idea that your flirting with the fantasy of it being better on your own, but the reality is it probably wont - now is not a good time for a break up. Your probably very tired and hormonal, and could even have a touch of the baby blues, so its not surprising you feel like this. Parents splitting up is NEVER something that should be taken lightly and over something so small. Tell him you feel like his taking the piss and you need his help, volunteer him to spend the day with the baby on his own (you can express enough milk) and go out and see your friends, be you for a day and then I bet he'll realise just how much you do do!

Dont give up yet hun xx

 

[BubbleOne]

I would suggest that you follow your gut feeling.

Being pregnant and having a newborn puts strain on even the strongest relationships.

My OH found it hard to cope until Phoebe was about 4mths old so I did all the baby stuff and housework. I was close to leaving him a few times just because I was so tired and drained. Now though we have come through it and he does most of the night shifts and helps around the house!!

If he's worth fighting for then do but if you think he's a waste of space then tell him to pack his bags.

 

[kristal]

I get the idea that your flirting with the fantasy of it being better on your own, but the reality is it probably wont - now is not a good time for a break up. Your probably very tired and hormonal, and could even have a touch of the baby blues, so its not surprising you feel like this. Parents splitting up is NEVER something that should be taken lightly and over something so small. Tell him you feel like his taking the p*ss and you need his help, volunteer him to spend the day with the baby on his own (you can express enough milk) and go out and see your friends, be you for a day and then I bet he'll realise just how much you do do!

Dont give up yet hun xx

I know its not easy being on your own I have seen my sisters go through it, but I would rather be on my own than constantly arguing and nagging and doing everything when on my own I will be doing it anyway but without the arguing and nagging, its not just since she has been born it has been throughout the pregnancy and I have tried endless times to talk to him and sort things out but it never ends up working

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Im really sorry if my reply upset you, truly I am

I guess you need to ask yourself if you would be happy without him - forget about the baby for a minute and think about the two of you - do you love him? Would you be lonely without him? Take it from someone whos been there - loneliness is the worst thing in the world, especially as a single parent.

If you really can see yourself being happier without him and its not just tiredness and stress tlaking, than theres your answer, but if you cant imagine life without him.......

have another hug anyway

 

[kristal]

thats the thing I do love him but I dont like the way he is and te way he talks to me and expects me to take the blame for everything and it always comes to a massive argument for things to be done, I just dont want to go through it anymore and as much as I love him its not fair on the baby or any of us it just feels like I am hitting my head against a brick wall all of the time and dont get listened to and I just want to be listened to and for things to be done not to argue and fight and feel like everything is my fault

sorry

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

why are you apologising you nut-nut! You dont have to apologise for anything to anyone ok?

At the end of the day only you know what to do for the best, think on it for a while and listen to your instincts.

xx

 

[Emmylou]

Maybe asking him to leave for a few days will be the kick up the bum he needs to realise he should be sticking to his promises and helping out where he can.

Sorry you are having a tough time with him hunny, hope it all works out

 

[Strangeness]

I would give him a boot up the bum and tell him to leave for a while. That way you can concentrate on your baby and not have to worry about him. Men always feel second best when a baby comes along and they react in different ways. My dh was brill with Aaron in the beginning then he went into "I can't do anything" mode and then when Aaron was a few months old he went back to being brill and it has stayed that way. I know it was because my dh felt left out a lot of the time. I was tired constantly and just spent all of my time sorting the baby out, it's hard work and men don't tend to understand that. I would lay ground rules now or it'll get worse. A baby is a huge strain on a relationship and you need to work really hard if you want it to work. It's finding somewhere you are both happy being and pleasing each other. He does need to help with the baby though even if you kick him out. His responsibility as well as yours.

Good luck hun let us know what happens

 

[budge]

I had my little girl just over a week ago, but my pregnancy was anything but easy (was ill a lot and the OH argued with me a lot, we broke up a few times, it got to the point where I wasnt going to let him come into the labour room with me) now since my little girl has been born for the first few days the OH was great (he was great during labour too) for the first night (when I came home, I was 15 hours in labour and over two hours pushing) aftre I came home from hospital knackered because she kept me awake by not settling, we decided before she was born that we would alternate nights now he done this the first night home and he was really good changing nappies etc but for the last four to five days I have basically been doing it all, I have been awake with her for the last four nights now (I did say that I would do his night once as he was supposed to have given a lift the next morning, but we found out that the person didnt need the lift then, but I still ended up doing it) when she does a dirty nappy he always asks if I can do it (especially over other peoples houses as he says he feels like he is doing something wrong) I am breastfeeding so he obviously cant feed her, I change her and all the while he isnt doing stuff like he said he would (ie the ironing, dishes, walking the dog and all other things he is supposed to do) while I am doing the washing, cooking, cleaning and everything with the baby.
I dont mind doing the things with the baby, but I am tired and I cant sleep during the day (which he says is my fault) and then he asks when I am doing food (I also havent been eating much at all, I dont feel like it) and as soon as I got home from hospital I was cleaning the kitchen.
Last night was his turn with the baby but surprise surprise he didnt get up, so at 2am I woke him and told him to go in the spare room as I am p'd off with him to which he ignored me for a bit but then pulled a strop said that if I didnt want him here why didnt I just say and the went somewhere in the car for about an hour. Today I was supposed to have been going to see friends and family who live 20-odd miles away but due to the argument we didnt go, and we have also ended up arguing a little bit more with him saying about me wanting to go and see my mother and sister once every two days or so and generally having a go.
I know it was worng but I left a message at 4am this morning on his computer saying that I want him to go as I am basically being a mother by myself and I would rather be by myself than argue and nag all of the time to which he said earlier that I am rubbing it all in.

I am really fed up now so am I right to tell him to go (I have had enough not just with him breaking his promises about helping out when baby is born but his attitude with me all through the pregnancy too) or am I being too hasty?

iwould say don't tell him to go,. Work on the relationship and get him to too.
Is all to easy to give up on things.
At the moment things are really stressful and you are still feeling emotional after the birth etc. But in a few weeks things will have calmed downand got back to some sort of normality. You will have a routine etc.
Its good you're breastfeeding. Put bubba into bed with you and latch her on to feed. That way you can nap while shes feeding. If you need more room make hubby sleep on the settee for a few nights or in a spare room. or on he floor. Don't give him any options just tell him that where he has to sleep for a while.
If heworks i think its only fair he doesn't have to get up in the night as he needs his sleep to work in the day. Its not so bad for us when we're at home coz we can lay on the settee with bubba and rest if we've had a bad night.
Get him to bat hthe baby when he gets in from work or change baby for bed or something so you can go and have a ashower or a bath. Get him involved as much as he can.
But don't tell him to go just coz you've hit a low and feel crap. Give it a chance and im sure things will get better.

take it from me if you can get over the first 2 years you'll be together forever. Its the worse time but if you are strong and the relaionship is worth working at you'll look back together and laugh at the hard times and you'll be closer as a couple.

My hubby and i have gone through bad patches but got through them and after 4 kids we are stronger thnan ever and an atomic bomb wouldn't split up up

 

[budge]

oh and by the way! fook the housework for a while and buy ready meals. Some are really nice now .

 

[kristal]

there have been loads of times when I have felt like this, even when I was 9 months pregnant carrying a full vax upstairs to do the carpets because he had stropped yet again. I just got fed up with me doing everything and him only attempting to help though we have had numerous conversations where he has promised to help.

He hasnt been working he is now starting a job monday.

Will update more soon but at the moment I am knackered, baby woke basically every hour last night

 

[Riley's Mommy]

i havent had my baby yet. but it does sound like he needs a kick up the bum. he needs to realise that you need some help rather than arguements.

not really much to suggest.
((hugs))

 

[cassi]

I think he needs to be told he is seriously taking the piss and you are close to the edge...unfortunatly if you are breastfeeding its not a good idea to express untill at least 3 weeks when your supply is established...also you need to be eating and drinking properly because of breastfeeding otherwise your supply and milk quality will suffer hun.

Im sorry he is been such a thoughtless git at the moment...its not fair on you...do you think there is any love on your half to salvage? if so they try and salvage the relationship..if not then only you know what is best.

hope things work out
casxx

 

[kristal]

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

I have really had enough now, the OH started a job monday so I have been doing all of the nights (I dont mind this) and things seemed ok.
Now he has little chores to do ie ironing dishes feeding and cleaning up after the dog and that is it I do everything else (it has been that way for ages) now its always a job to get him to do his chores and today it hit boiling point.
I have been nagging him for weeks to do the ironing, and it all piled up because he hadnt done it (ended up that me and the baby didnt have any clothes to wear because they werent ironed so I done some for us) so two days ago he said he was going to do them, he didnt, we were out yesterday so he couldnt do them then so I asked him to do them today and he said fine (yesterday)
Today comes and he came home on his dinner hour and we have run out of food in the house and I am not eating properly (which he gives me grief for) so he goes up the shop with my money and buys himself a steak slice and a drink and just gets me a ribena, now that p'd me off and we argued a bit (bit petty I know but it did get to me) and he says that I can do myself beans on toast (he had just bought a loaf of bread) it was like thanks, and then when he comes home from work he does himself food and doesnt offer me (considering I always do food for him) so that was another argument, and then I say to him to get on with the ironing and dishes and he just ignores me and is just on his computer so after numerous warnings that if he doesnt get on with it I will knock his computer off he decided to push me, so I knocked it off, then I came upstairs t grab the baby (btw the baby wasnt around when we argued though it was mostly via computer) and went to go downstairs he knocked the electric off, at this point I had enough and told him to go and he wouldnt (he is still here now and I keep telling him to go) and now after a few hours he has turned around and started giving me loads of grief including that I have planned this all along, WTF? I have really had enough of his childishness and this attitude he is giving me, I thought it/he would change when baby is here but obviously not