Am I the only person not enjoying being a mum?

[flaxen]

Im really not enjoying being a mum. I was never planning on having them in the first place having plans with my horses particularly my homebred sport horse who will be 2yrs next week ( plan was to back him next summer then winter resting then get going in spring and hunt/ compete at end of 4 coming up 5yrs old ).

I was ill all the way through and ended up having a c section due to doctors deciding my health wasnt good enough to carry on, I then very nearly bled to death due to them cutting through my femoral artery ( apparently its in the wrong place ) hence a major incision that almost touches both hip bones, long recovery and its now adhesed to my muscles.

Baby was really hard to look after- turns out she is milk and lactose intolerant and for 8 weeks cried and puked constantly.

I had about 6-8 weeks where she was good to look after, I was able to spend proper time with my horses (2 of ) but since april she has been harder to look after again, she now wont sit in her pram without screaming constantly at all while I try and sort them out, it scares them and they then mess around.

My husband doesnt help at all, he has never got up in the night for her and he wont get up on a morning and sort her, ok- he works nights but has about 2 days off a week but still wont do anythng with her, she is 6 mths old now.

I cant go back to work as child care fees cost more than I earnt but hubby says he cant afford my bills as well as his, so I am losing my car as have no income to pay for it, my mobile phone contract is being cancelled and the worst bit of all is having to sell my horse- he means the world to me and i cant see anything positive about life anymore. He hates my horses, always has done but im not even allowed to mention them.

So I will be stuck at home on my own all the time with a baby who screams in temper all day if you dont give her 100% attention all the time, she screams in tantrums for hours on a night when shes tired to the point she vomits but wont go to sleep. We are a good 2 miles from the nearest bus stop so wont get about anywhere.

He also goes on about wanting a boy ( im sure thats why he doesnt do anything with her ) as boys are fun, they wear boots and will be able to drive the tractors ( his family are farmers ) I even get moaned at for putting her in pink and dresses because it makes her look like a girl!

GRRR! Sorry for my post but i really wish i had my old life back, I never get time to myself not even watch a programme in peace.

 

[Sarah13]

Awww sounds like your having a hard time of it. Sounds like you need to kick your oh up the butt to help now and then so you get a little break and he can do some daddy daughter bonding. I was going to say get out to some classes and groups but I guess this can be difficult being so far in the sticks.
Try not to resent your baby tho, she didn't ask to be born and they really are 100% attention seekers, I know I rarely get time to myself, Im only on here cos Im bf yet again! Do you have a sling? Maybe carrying her everywhere might help both of you. Things kind of get easier as they get older, they become more fun as they interact with you but they are still demanding!
Is there anyway you can keep your horse? It seems a shame to have to get rid of it. I know nothing about horses but guess they are like other pets and one of the family. Remember you are an equal in your relationship and just cos your not earning doesn't mean you don't have a say, your job right now is very important, raising your daughter.

 

[Princess81]

Oh dear! Have you been on the Entitled to website to see if you qualify for anything?
I understand how hard it is, my son has intolerances and for 16 weeks was extremely hard work until I stopped BFing and put him on Nutramigan.
Your o/h needs to step up and support you, we all need a break at times and just because she's a girl doesn't mean he can't enjoy her
I live in the sticks too and dont see how you'll manage without the car??? It's no good to be isolated
As for the horse it's clearly a passion, although they are expensive aren't they. Could someone part-buy him so co own him with you? X

 

[mummy2b19]

heya huni, just a quick one, why cant your OH take her out in the tractor etc ehen she is older i used to love doing things like that. and to be honest selling your horse is only a short term fix what will you do when the money from him runs out. could you keep your car and get him to watch her a few hours a couple of times per week and find a job cleaning he cant expect you to live like that its just not fair xxx

 

[MrsR]

I'm probably going to sound really harsh here but why are you resenting your baby when, from what you've written, you should resent your OH!!! He won't do anything with baby because she's a girl?! What?! He won't ALLOW you to talk about your horses? How is this an equal, loving relationship? Your poor baby didn't ask to be a girl, she didn't ask to be born and she certainly doesn't deserve to be resented for her part in your life. Please don't resent her!
I loved going out trucking with my dad, playing football, fishing, helping out on the farms with him etc so why can't you daughter be given the chance to do these things with her dad!
I'm very concerned that you have these feelings now, how're you going to end up feeling when you're practically completely isolated? Could you speak to you gp as you may have a bit of post natal depression?

 

[Froslass]

I'm probably going to sound really harsh here but why are you resenting your baby when, from what you've written, you should resent your OH!!! He won't do anything with baby because she's a girl?! What?! He won't ALLOW you to talk about your horses? How is this an equal, loving relationship? Your poor baby didn't ask to be a girl, she didn't ask to be born and she certainly doesn't deserve to be resented for her part in your life. Please don't resent her!
I loved going out trucking with my dad, playing football, fishing, helping out on the farms with him etc so why can't you daughter be given the chance to do these things with her dad!
I'm very concerned that you have these feelings now, how're you going to end up feeling when you're practically completely isolated? Could you speak to you gp as you may have a bit of post natal depression?

I agree x

If you've got PND it can be normal to feel resentment towards your baby, but it seems like your OH is the problem and you've been left to cope with zero support

Agree you could check out entitled to, and make an appt with GP/health visitor to see if you can get someone to talk to about how you're feeling xx


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[Mrsstuart01]

Thats awful!! So sorry to hear that! Can you try and get someone to have your horse on loan till you can do more with it again?? that would help with bills etc and give you piece of mind!
I agree with the girls it sounds like your oh has issues. I hope you can resolve some of it and get him to be more supportive xx

 

[Maria1977]

I'm probably going to sound really harsh here but why are you resenting your baby when, from what you've written, you should resent your OH!!! He won't do anything with baby because she's a girl?! What?! He won't ALLOW you to talk about your horses? How is this an equal, loving relationship? Your poor baby didn't ask to be a girl, she didn't ask to be born and she certainly doesn't deserve to be resented for her part in your life. Please don't resent her!
I loved going out trucking with my dad, playing football, fishing, helping out on the farms with him etc so why can't you daughter be given the chance to do these things with her dad!
I'm very concerned that you have these feelings now, how're you going to end up feeling when you're practically completely isolated? Could you speak to you gp as you may have a bit of post natal depression?

I agree with MrsR 100%.

Your LO really doesn't deserve to be resented, and probably plays up because of the feelings towards her.

I think this needs to be dealt with really quickly so you and your daughter can build a relationship, and hopefully her father can do this too.

 

[littlemiss83]

Awww hun

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Its so easy to resent LO's isn't it, they take up such a major (leading) part of our lives. They take over everything, basically all of the things that made you "you" are gone. All those little things we used to enjoy...simple things like making a coffee & sitting for 5.

I 100% agree with what Sarah said, they get easier as they get older, although, if i'm absolutely honest from now until the toddler years have passed is pretty damn hard, and it doesn't get easier til after the toddler stage.

I think your probably quite overwhelmed with everything & rather than blame OH your blaming LO, your OH is the one who isn't helping you, think how much difference your life would be if your OH did the simple things you mentioned.

Oh and....I dont know much about this, but what Princess81 said about co-owning the horse sounds like a good idea - or could you do some sort of horse riding classes? Or charge for an hour on the horse, I looked into horseriding ect for my LO & its very expensive. Might be a money earner & a project to work on to keep you occupied....plus you get to keep the horse?? (and might earn enough money to buy a new car)

xxxxxxxxx

 

[jojo_2012]

Sorry you're feeling this. Being a person who doesn't have any interest in horses, part of me wants to say give up the horses and take it up again when your daughter is a bit bigger and can enjoy them too rather than stressing yourself out trying to find the time. But I know it's not as simple as that with animals

 

[PyscoFalcon]

Why are you with your OH again?
Sorry but if my hubby said can't talk about horses or any of my pets then he'll be out the door pretty darn quick!
Never mind not wanting anything to do with BOTH of yours baby just cos she's a girl. Pretty pathetic of him.

Put your horse on loan for 6 months to a year. Then take you and LO to your parents or somewhere for a week or something - that SHOULD shake your hubby up.
If not then he's a jerk and needs a good slapping.

 

[tinkerbell86]

I love horses but not been in a situation to have my own. Can't you full loan your horses out so that you don't have a financial burden of them?what about finding a yard to turn your youngster away until he's old enough? Or if he's well behaved someone might be after a field companion for an old/ injured/ recovering horse and in return your fees reduced?! The last is what my friend has done to her mare (who needs time off anyway but is the cheapest and perfect solution).

I'd love to go back but my ankle injury (non horse related) makes me nervous about going back as I don't want to risk anymore damage to it! I never thought I'd love staying at home with lo but I love it - maybe find some local baby groups to take her to or local libraries usually have free sessions.

 

[crazycatlady]

When my sister badly broke her leg whilst showjumping her horse went to a agricultural uni. She's still there as sis can't afford her. But worked really well for them. I agree with others about your oh. I don't have LO yet but not judging you for missing old life. The point is your oh is supposed to support you not make being a mother harder. Please don't let him treat you like this. Xx

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[VikkiR]

I'm feeling your pain. I've recently very nearly thrown in the towel with it all because my lo wouldn't sleep unless she was held standing up and cried ALOT esp during the day, I just couldn't put her down and that I have no support during the day and not enough through the night. I also know where you're coming from re horses as when my first husband did a runner in the middle of the night I had to sell my 3 trakehners one of which I'd just broken. Sounds like the issue is with OH, will he not discuss things with you. I know selling horses is traumatic but is it feasible to keep just one as a compromise? I imagine you feel like you've had to make all the sacrifices, you've had the pregnancy to cope with, then delivery and now all the child care and that the horses are your only pleasure and that you deserve it because becoming a mum is hard! I don't have any answers hun but I do know what's it like to be so so sad that life as you know it is over and you don't know where to turn or what to do next. I would encourage you to try and talk to him rather than get so angry like I did. Big hugs xx

 

[Olive]

How are you hun? X


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[Hunnie]

Its hard Flaxen but I think the issue is your OH and you need the support of someone just so you can have a bit of a break.

More often than not I have to rush around at the farm, my horse hasnt been ridden in nearly a month because LO just screams in the pram and the weather has been too bad to have her out with me. The few days that I get just to be able to go up and muck out in peace is absolutely bliss for me and is one of the only things that keeps me sane! I was tempted to loan him out but the thought of being stuck in the house with nothing better to do stopped me. If you sell one of them how many others would you have still? Can his parents not help you in any way??

 

[constanceschof]

The best advice I can give you is: 1) Don't be too hard on yourself - you're not the only one to feel this way; 2) Take it day by day, or hour by hour if you need to; and 3) 'Surrender' to the fact that life is not going to be the same, at least not for a while. Try to be okay with this - it makes a huge difference to your psyche - and don't worry about the fact that you are not in control of your day-to-day anymore.