Am I being unreasonable?

[HeppiBean]

My OH and I moved in together in November 2012. Aside from benefit letters, which he has to have delivered to his residential address, all of his post still goes to his Mums. His bank account, phone contract, credit card... All to his Mums' address.

I've spoken to him on numerous occasions about changing his address to our current one but he just keeps saying "I can't be bothered" or "what's the point".

It feels like he's not changing his address because he doesn't think we'll last and he doesn't want to hassle of changing his address again in the future.

I've told him that this is how I feel and all he does on these occasions is shake his head, roll his eyes, grunt and walk out of the room.

Am I being completely unreasonable here? Xx

 

[HeppiBean]

I should add that he is not interested in supporting his family. He was redundant in September 2012 and has made no effort to try and find another job. I have 2 children, his son and a daughter from a previous relationship, am at college full time and have various medical conditions, which combined with college and children mean I can't work as well... He does no housework, leaves it all to me, expects me to cook dinner every day, and he spunks what little money we do get on unnecessary purchases of junk food, fizzy drinks and take away...

How am I supposed to live like this?! Xx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

I had a similar issue with my ex - lots of his post went to his previous address even though we owned our own home. The reason it bothered me was because it was the address where he'd lived with his ex (a house which his dad had bought off him so was still in the family) - his ex caused us nothing but problems and I didn't want to be reminded of their past in this way. I think he just couldn't be bothered and didn't see it as an issue like I did.

My current oh has lived with me since Feb 2012 and still uses his mums address. We lived in my house until we sold in April this year and now we're at my parents waiting for our own house to be built. I can see why he hasn't bothered changing his address because although it's been nearly 2 years we've not had anywhere permanent of our own.

I can see why it would bother you especially as you have a child together and it is making you question his commitment. It might just be complete idleness why he hasn't got round to it but to be honest I'd be more bothered about the fact he's not pulling his weight as part of your family.

Might be time to have a word in the new year? Maybe he's a little depressed with being out of work? It can be a huge dent to a man's pride and maybe he feels like he hasn't got anything useful to offer at the moment xx

 

[HeppiBean]

We've tried talking and he say things will change, he'll get his arse in gear and find a job... Nothing changes... A few weeks later we talk again... Nothing changes... I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this... I nearly told him to f### off back to his mother's earlier...xx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

It sounds like he's got stuck in a rut and although he knows what he needs to do ie to find a job he's put it off so long that he can't actually face it. Also maybe he's worried that he won't be able to get a job so he'd rather not try than fail? This is assuming that he does want to work and there aren't any other factors at play. It is hard when you've put something off for so long to face it and sort it out and maybe this is why he says he'll do x y and z and then it all fades away.

He does need to man up though, he's got a family to support and it's really better to try and fail than not try at all. He should be setting an example for your kids too. I would be very frustrated with this as well as you are obviously doing as much as you can. Maybe he needs to know that this is now a major issue for you and he can't keep brushing it under the carpet? xx

 

[HeppiBean]

The kids are being picked up shortly to go to their Nans for the night so I think I'll be having a word with him then. Thank you xx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

Good luck hun, hope it goes well and you have a nice New Year's Eve! xx