Am i being selfish?

[Flame]

I go out every now and then on a saturday and my oh looks after DS, but there is a night that both me and my partner like going to and every week pretty much i ask him if he wants to go and i will stay in with DS and nearly every time he says yeah maybe then decides to either go to the gym or not go at all. With work he gets to go to places like Germany over night occasionally for a few nights and recently he has been to London over night for gigs etc.

Today he went to London to watch a rugby game with some of his family and the agreement was that he had a couple of drinks with them after and he came home so would be back before midnight. About 8.30 this evening he text me and said they were just eating so would be back late, so more likely to be back after 1am now. I just replied back, Great, thanks. He knows DS hasnt been very well at all and that i am very very nervous and anxious when i am on my own at night yet he still does this.

People seem to think i am selfish cause i go out on the occasional saturday and he doesnt but he gets to do all these other things and has the option to go out other nights. Am i being selfish?

I have noticed he is doing the opposite of what i ask of him a lot lately to, its really starting to make me wonder whether i should just get rid.

 

[leckershell]

In amongst the muddle there you sound just like me and nat.. lol. I was getting pissed off that he went out every week til half midnight and it was ok because I was going to have Ryan in the morning, but the one single time I go out, I came back at half midnight he's pissed at me because he has work in the morning.

Different I know but still sort of the same thing. I just sat and said I wasn't happy with it and we needed things to be fair and it shouldn'tbe presumed that I am the main carer, and that I need a life too.

It's taken a while, but we have 2 nights each available to us to do our own thing each week. I go to the gym twice, he has squash and doesn't use another night as yet but might start swimming, or more squash, or a beer night out type thing - whatever basically. You should sit down and say if you can't both work it out between you then it will have to be logical (see how he likes that) and predictable - you go one week, he goes the next and alternate it. If he gives up his turn that's his tough sh*t and it's not for you to feel bad about. If he wants another night out, then you book one too. When you look at it from the outside, and from the view of both people being equal, it's the only way for things to be even.

Sorry I think I went on a bit there :S

But who am I to talk... Nat's out camping watching touring cars at Silverstone this weekend and hasn't replied to my texts all night

 

[lfc_sarah]

Personally i think that because he chooses not to go out when you say, he should be "allowed" to have a night out when he wants...
(On agreement that youl look after DS)

It sounds a bit like its ok for him to go out when you say...
But not ok if you dont
A bit like your controlling him a bit?
(Sorry if im wrong)

Me and Lee have kind of a rota, (Not set in stone)
He works long hours and comes in at midnight or near abouts 5 days a week.. but thats his job..
On his 2 days off he has 1 family day and 1 night going out... Days are always different and usually it isnt a weekend.
The next week it will be 1 family day and me going out.
Unless its someones birthday or whatever

He "lets" you go out so i think you should too...
And dont be too like his mother by telling him what time to come in...
Compromise

Sorry if this post seems rude or whatever just my opinion

 

[Flame]

I appreciate your opinion and thank you.

But he is allowed to go out whenever he wants, i never stop him hence why he goes away to london etc and on work nights out but on that night i mentioned i ask him if he wants to go out mainly to remind him its on more than anything.

We both tell each other what time to come home when we go out seperately.